Child maintenance while in college?? Please any advice??

Supermumzy

Hello,

Ive been searching the net and cant seem to find ANYTHING about this.

So heres my story.... Me and my little boys dad split in 2009 when he was 5wks old due to the fact my little boy was really ill and he left me in hospital on my own with a newborn while he drank in his mates and on a 2nd occassion xmas eve! So i broke up with him. Anyways through my little boys short life and while he fought a very bad case of kidney reflux for 2yrs his father has left for 6wks to go to the UK to do an internship & "live his life while hes young" and on a seperate occassion whilst not gettin his own way has literally kidnapped my little boy from downstairs in my mothers home. All that aside ive tried my best to be civil and do whats right to have my boys dad in his life and let him take him every second weekend. Since my little boy has been born ive been to every single hospital visit (total of 25) and operations (total of 9) ALONE and alot of the time his dad wouldnt even bother textn me to see how he got on. He has paid me maintenace 30e a week but as he is in college has missed payment on numerous occassions..... 30e a week is very little since all things are not covered on medical card while my son was sick ive paid for all his medicines. In total ive paid for 8months of childcare myself while working at 640e a month while i worked, i pay for his clothes, food, home, toys, xmas & bday presents all alone. Anyone who sees my little boy says hes a credit to me after all both of us have been through the last 2yrs.

Basically what im trying to find out is just because he is in college fulltime does this mean he has the right not to pay maintenance when it suits him??

Supposedly hes not entitled to a student grant so he says. Also as He is very patronizing, arrogant and horrible towards me and sends me texts such as "Yo joe, if ye wudnt mind givin lukes blanket a wash once in a while? Smell off it is rank! Peace out!".. (just to note my son has a comfort blanket & i do wash it frequently but sumtimes it gets smelly from him bringin it everywhere but he loves it and its hard to get off him).
Is there anything i can do about this behaviour towards me?? because its quite offensive to me and there is other times were he just barges by me to get to my son when collecting him. He has no respect for me at all and is quite intemidating! Its like im our sons mam and he talks to me whatever way he likes.

Any sort of advice or help would be great....

Procrastastudy

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Unconstructive so removed it.

wmpdd3

Your options are, mediation, this way you can sort out visitation etc. You can both draw up a plan for the year including the holidays. The level of maintenance could be set out as well. If he doesn't pay, there are no implications. Really if your ex can't pay the maintenance , he should help out in another way, this could be sorted out during mediation.

Or bring him to court for maintenance . This would mean you engaging a solicitor. Depending on the amount of maintenance you need, you may need a barrister. You might be eligible for free legal aid. Your ex's financial means will be looked into and an award will be made based on this. If you are awarded €40 per week and your ex does not pay, you can contact the court to investigate, if there are serious arrears then the court can instruct the guards arrest your ex for non payment.

If the arrears are significant, or you need the maintenance reviewed due to change of circumstances, you can return to court for another order.

But in my experience, mediation only ever works when there is a good relationship anyway. Funds are hidden from the court, the amount awarded is so little in comparison to the cost of going to court, its hardly worth it, unless you can get some help with the costs. Even if the other partner pays 2 months out of 1, they will never be arrested or put in prison for non-payment. You are still relying on the ex partner to pay. Any payment you are getting form the social welfare could be cut based on the maintenance you are supposed to be getting, even if you only get it now and then.

I might be cynical, but i would advise formalising visitation arrangements and leave the €30 per week arrangement in place until there is ever a change in circumstances. If he ends up earning €600 per week, you could look at going to court as you may be able to ask for costs that would actually help with raising you child.

As for help in going to hospital appointments etc, its seems the baby's father doesn't realise he would be supporting his son as opposed to his ex partner.

Also OP, there is more help and avice available here: http://www.onefamily.ie/

and more situations like your on the 'parenting' forum on this site.

Supermumzy

We went to court already funny enough he took me to be spiteful. He takes my little boy every second weekend. Silly me though i didnt put in a maintenance order because I didnt know if he had to pay while in college? Also he stood up in court saying he may need to leave for the UK to find work. Which is crap it was his intention all along to go the UK.

Im starting to just feel like ill stick with the 30e until he is in fulltime employment and then go to the court.... Although by the time he finds a job he might not even be in this country still.

wmpdd3

he took me to be spiteful

He took you to court?
How did he pay for that?

Yes I agree, until this person realises how his actions have impacted his child, the best you can do is carry on doing the best job you can without reliable financial support.

The best you can do is get support so you can be as strong as possible, this will help you rise above the personal comments your ex may make. You just can't make some people parent.

Supermumzy

He took me and his parents paid for the solicitor. His family are pretty well off. ure they have paid for him through his 4year degree and running his car but what annoys me is college comes BEFORE his child.

His reason is hes going through college to provide a better future for my little boy which is crap because hes leaving for the UK as soon as his degree is finished end of this May. Tired of him been able to do what he likes and me getting nothing but grief at the same time.

Procrastastudy

Pretty sure he stills pays maitanace while resident in the UK.

Tom Young

This is charter breach territory OP.