very insecure and paranoid

LegacyUser

i am looking for some advice on both these problems, i have become very insecure and paranoid about the people in my life, it has already destroyed my relationship and a friendship, i feared by boyfriend would leave me was convinced he didnt love me, convinced he fancied my friend, convinced my friends didnt like me as much as another friend, i have managed to salvage a friendship with my ex but if i see him at our friends house or he stops texting i freak, he has sworn he never fancied my friend or even looked at her that way and has agreed to tell me if he starts talking to a new girl romantically, but even as i type this the texting has stopped and im wound up to 90 and have myself convinced hes off with someone new even thou maybe he just wanted some space, he said phone was dying n didnt wanna charge it till later (new phone). im sure hes with the friend that i got upset about and doesnt want to tell me. i dont know how to even trust him now after all this and if dont learn soon i will lose him for good. im so afraid of being hurt more or him meeting someone new, and then my mind will run wild and ill think hes hurt even though hes probably fine, i feel absolutely crazy and really need some help.

Kevster

Heya,

I mean this when I say it: I know exactly what you are going through. However, I'm not implying that this feeling of paranoia that you have is in any way normal. I struggle with paranoid thoughts in my life and recently lashed-out at my own mother for something that was said to me (that I misinterpretted as an attack). In relationships, I frequently had problems with trust and was 'bombarded' constantly with thoughts of my partner with other guys.

What is positive about your situation is that you are evidently aware that your thoughts are based on a sense of paranoia. Do you feel there is any reason why you are paranoid in the first place? In my case, I pin it down to a few things, one being the fact that my 2nd girlfriend was with numerous other guys while with me, which 'tore my heart out' when I found out. I also had a difficult upbringing and never formed stable relationships with people.

Some of the people who have gone from your life might never get back. Focus instead on those who really matter to you and make amends to repair the relationships that you have with them. You will have to consciously work with your thoughts so that you can learn how to live with them. It is impossible to just 'banish' them from your mind in the present, but they can be banished from your mind in the future after you have learned how to deal with them...

Take care and good luck
Kevin

LegacyUser

thank you very much for your reply, it feels great to see im not crazy, i know these thoughts are not normal, can i ask what steps you took to deal with your over active thoughts?

blatantrereg

Time to let go of him and to get a grip on yourself instead.

You getting worked up so much over her - that creates a sense of signifiance of her your [ex-]parthner's mind - even if he would be completely uninterested otherwise.

Your relationship with him (even as a friend) sounds pretty toxic. Your behaviour isn't ok. If you dont trust him, just ditch him.

Would you want to be with someone who wanted to cheat? I wouldn't. The easiest wya to find out if they're likely to is to let them act whatever way they want. It's up to them. If you dont find it acceptable, then ditch them. Otherwise you get peace of mind.

LegacyUser

i need some outside help on calming my behaviour, logically neither of them have done anything wrong.
im hoping someone can advise me on how to overcome these paranoid thoughts