Career transition affecting everything

makingachange

Would be interested to get other peoples views on issue that is coming up time and time again for me, and it’s to do with what I feel is a loss of status and how it reflects on me.
Lost my job two years back, and am now retraining working in a radically different area which is fine, but doesn’t give me the same ‘kick’ as my original area of work.
Since losing my job, I looked abroad in relation to work opportunities, but due to personal circumstances it hasn’t been possible to pursue them in my ideal field.
I’m still applying for jobs in my ‘dream’ area, with no success (there are virtually no jobs in Ireland) while all the time studying/trying to get part-time experience in my new area.
My new area of training will definitely provide work abroad if there is none here, but I’m finding it hard to get excited about this change in my life/I just am not enthusiastic enough, college seemed easier at 18!
The change has meant massive lifestyle changes, loss of income compared to peers etc and I can’t help feel like a bit of a failure compared to what I envisioned for someone in their early 30’s.
Thankfully, I’ve a very supportive girlfriend, but since I lost my job, I’m having real problems having belief in things/my decisions/choices.
I’m a bit unsure when it comes to explaining my career change to others, feel as if others are a bit confused/taken aback when I explain what I’m doing, and to be honest I can see why, I thought I’d do college, get a job and that’s it. But it hasn’t turned out that way.
My friends and family are at different stages in that they are having weddings/kids etc and due to my circumstances it just isn’t feasible right now, and I’m aware of how it may look to others.
Have other people had to postpone things such as weddings/kids due to the sort of situation I’m in?
The new path I’m on should give me a job/decent income at the end of it, but I can’t stop doubting everything I do, could do with some advise from anyone whose been in my shoes

edellc

Sort of know how you feel OP, I had major problems in work a couple of years back was with the company long enough and ended up off ill, long story short but ended up with solicitors but nothing came of it and in the end destroyed my chances of getting a reference for that job and the level of experience I had.

Lost all confidence as when I applied for jobs I really didnt know what to say to explain the last experience I had and while I was only working in that field 5 years I went from being straight out of college (went back in mid 20's) to being in a mangers position all in the 5 years so it was quite quick how I learned and worked my way up. Due to what happened with work I found it hard to get further work without a reference for my last position as I was there two years straight after college and then 8 months before being signed off sick so nearly 3 years of my career have to be written off which I am gutted about.

As I also started late in college and with my career I never built up enough savings to get a mortgage, nor did I have anyone to help me with this as in parents etc with paying the rents I was paying I never had enough to get a car nor anything else of any significance whereas most people my age (early 30's) are now set up with house, car etc. while I am stuck on the dole and renting

However I did have one silver lining and that is I have had a supportive partner and after what happened with work we found ourselves pregnant, not the situation I ever imagined myself in, renting, jobless and no savings but we went with it and although we are broke I am so glad to have gone through with the pregnancy

I think the point that I am trying to make in a long winded kind of way is that you will never be at the point where you say right lets have a baby or get married so rather than thinking you have to wait for that point and when it never comes look back on your life and have it full of what ifs take the bull by the horns and just go for it, if you want kids and are in a relationship and it is a mutual feeling then why not now you make do, do you really want to be 40 or older having kids (just saying they take a lot of energy and once you have them you realise you want to be around to see them get married/have kids and end up wishing you done it earlier)

Instead of looking at what others have be appreciative of what you have trying to keep up with the jones is what got this country in the mess we are in, live your life for you and no one else and so what if ppl look at you funny about college or retraining who cares at least your doing something positive

makingachange

Cheers edellc,
A lot of what you say is true, I just never imagined having kids/getting married etc without the nice job and everything else associated. I suppose the big thing is just expectations, I didn't ever think I'd be retraining in my 30's, and when I look at my friends they have the job each etc, whereas in our case, it's a bit more complicated due to my work situation. In fairness to the people who have been taken aback by my situation, well in fairness it's just something they have no experience of it whatsoever, and I suppose I can understand why it can look strange to them when they haven't really been hit with the recession. I'm the only one in my circle retraining etc, and your right when it comes to keeping up with the Jones' etc, because I'm only aware of the difference in our lives/finances when we socialise/talk about holidays etc and I wonder do we have as much in common. I suppose if everyone waited until things were 'perfect' until they had kids, how many people would be on the earth!?