Asking a tough question?

LegacyUser

Ive been going out with a fantastic girl for over a month now. I'm extremely happy, we connect, we're both very easy going, and by comparison to previous relationships this is just blissfully effortless. However there is one small thing that I would love to bring up but I'm terrified of wording it badly, and on top of that I would love you boardsies to tell me if its even a good idea to mention in the first place!

Basically my gf is gorgeous to me in nearly every way but she is a tiny bit overweight. This is absolutely fine, Im not exactly athletic myself so who am I to judge, but the thing is, ive seen relatively recent photos of her and shes much thinner and, even though Ill sound terrible saying this, shes stunning. The only reason this is an issue in any way is because in every other aspect of the relationship I couldnt be happier, meaning that if she lost the tiniest bit of weight everything would be perfect (again, i know this sounds terrible).

Now in saying all this Im very aware that this is both a sensitive area and one that makes me sound extremely shallow but I wouldnt want it to be one sided, I would happily work out with her or change diet etc too. The point ultimately is I wouldnt have thought twice about this if it wasnt for the fact that shes evidently put this small bit of weight on pretty recently so its less about me wanting to change her and more about me gently hinting that while shes beautiful now she was absolutely stunning then and probably wouldnt take too much work to get there again. On top of that I would be more then willing to join her in doing it.


Is this something I should just leave alone? Its most certainly not, in any way, a dealbreaker or something ridiculous like that. Its merely the only tiny issue that I would have in the relationship. Is there a way of wording this?

Idle Passerby

Why don't you tell her you'd like to start going to the gym and you think it would be fun if the two of you did it together.

I don't think it would go down well at all if you make any intimation at all that you think she specifically could loose some weight, especially if its not that much, only recently gained and you yourself are not as trim as you'd like to be.

IrishEyes19

what would bother me, OP, is that it only seems from your post to have affected you since you saw the photos, before that, you were obviously attracted to your gf physically and emotionally, so perhaps your being a tad bit unfair here. Trust me, Im sure she knows she has put up weight, but considering you havent given much detail, I can only assume it isnt that much and echoing your concerns wont go down well if you mention she looks thinner in past photos. I would be very hurt if this was said to me to be honest.

be proactive if you really want to do something about, do activities together, sports, daily walks. Im all for talking things out, but I cant see her being cool about why you want her to lose the weight. best of luck.

jellygems

i was dating a guy who said to me at dinner one day, that i was stunning but culd do with losing some weight. i never went on a date with him again, but hey thats me

and i did lose the weight in the end when i wanted to for myself not for anyone else

R.D. aka MR.D

Why don't you organise future dates as physical activities.

But stick with her. i have food issues and i know my weight can fluctuate from month to month and i feel terrible about it. i've only recently told my current boyf of my food issues because I felt bad about the weight i'd put on (just under half a stone)This time next month it'll be gone.

So try to be understanding.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone, great advice!

Youre all spot on, It was silly of me to think this is something I can just bring up and not upset her, which is absolutely the last thing I want to do.

Also good point IrishEyes, it was the photos that set it off but nothing has really changed in how I feel, attraction-wise. Im gonna take the advice here and just suggest activities we could do together.

Cheers everyone for your help, as silly as this question may have seemed.

Overheal

Hiking. It's fun.

Either way don't pressure people into these sorts of things. Invite but don't drag. I go to the gym for myself, if someone else wants to go thats great but I'm not going to stop going if they aren't there. I'm also going to eat better in spite of others.

Either way I'm not one to harp on about a girl's physique. In fact if you track all the girls I've been attracted to over the years, they've all been great people, just overweight by definition.

I am a friend

You are going out with her a month and you want to cajole her into losing weight already???? Seriously??? That's shockingly controlling. Leave the girl alone ffs. Take her as you found her - only one month ago and meet someone you don't want to change

Da Shins Kelly

I think "shockingly controlling" is a bit much, but I'm not sure why exactly you want her to lose weight apart from having seen these pictures of her. You say you're still attracted to her, so I don't know what the problem is really. She'll lose the weight herself when she wants to (if it's not that much, who cares?), and I'd imagine that she'll be quite resistant if you say it to her. She might even be a bit upset.