Lost young guy.

willfromcork

Well to begin with I will be turning 20 later this year and I am going to college. I am just getting tired of my life at the moment and I don't know how to fix it. I suppose I'll start at the beginning I was bullied quite a bit during primary school but I nearly always felt safe and I was a happy little guy I had a few friends and I was myself. From about 5th class until 3rd year there was a man in my life who sexually abused me and he really messed up my head. I was never really close to my father and I suppose I looked up to him he brought me place and bought me stuff. He was close to the family and people just presumed he was being nice at at the start I was delighted but after a while the abuse began and at the beginning I had no idea what he was doing. This continued for a few years and I suppose I was in 2nd year when I relished there was something wrong. I know that mightn't make scene but it's the truth. In first year I got really badly bullied in secondary school and I began losing my temper with people and causing trouble but I told myself after a time that this was getting me know where so I made a few friends in secondary school. Things semen't to have being okay. I did transition year and I would have to say it was a brilliant year I had no pressure or no exams. I suppose the trouble trouble started again when I was in sixth year and people started bullying me again and I was old enough now to begin skipping school so I skipped most of sixth year because I found that school unbearable. I managed to get to college some how I scrope together enough points but if I am being honest I knew from day one I was doing the wrong course in college I just felt it was better than school. In late September of 2011 I grew really close to a girl in my course and I know there's some thing there but I am afraid to even kiss her a few times she has tried to make a move on me but I push her away simply because I get flash backs about the abuse whenever anyone touches me. It really embarrassing to admit this to anyone because I left him do stuff to me even tough I knew it was wrong but I felt powerless. When I try and think of developing a relationship with anyone I feel I am not good enough for so many reasons I should be able to protect a woman and how can I do that when I can't even protect myself properly I really do feel worthless. I did try and contact a organisation called one in four but I found them very pushy and made me feel uncomfortable.
At this point now I am in a college course that I don't really like and I feel I won't be able to pass the end of year exam. I am also having difficulty sleeping and I am sort of self medicating with alcohol . I am in control of my drinking and I know when to stop but I know if I drink excessively I will pass out and I will have a brilliant nights sleep which will be undisturbed which is actually brilliant.
Any advice?

ihsb

You need to go and talk to someone about your abuse and bullying. Find a counsellor, I know in my college there were free ones. But even if you need to pay you need to work through these issues before you can move forward with your life.

None of what has happened to you is your fault. You are not to blame. It is a situation that you had no control over.

You also need to stop drinking. Hopefully the counsellor will be able to help you deal with the underlining issues that have made you take to drink.

willfromcork

Thanks!
If I am being really honest I am in control of my drinking and I know when to stop. I also only drink when I am out with friends and never drink alone.

ihsb

But if you are even doing it a little bit to sleep better it is something that needs to be looked at! I really hope you go and get a bit of help, someone trained to listen will do you the world of good.

lace

Hi OP!

Most colleges have counsellors available for free so have a look on your college's website and see if there are any available. You could always ask your SU welfare officer about what kind of services are available. Even if your college doesn't have a counsellor, it should have a health service or student GP who might be able to help to refer you on. It's important that you don't let one agency put you off seeking help. A good counsellor will be able to help you work through your problems and begin to come to terms with what happened to you.

Your college should also have some kind of career guidance advisor who will be able to talk through your feelings about the course you're in and help you to think about other options if you decide it's not really the right course for you.

As for the girl you like - try to let her know that know that you do like her and you would like to be friends but you're not ready to move further than that yet.

It's important to remember that what happened to you was not your fault and it does not make you any less of a man.

Best of luck

bogman007

hey bud, on your confidence issue i strongly recommend that you start a combat sport such as Tae Kwon Do or what i do Boxing.

It teaches the skills you need to feel confident in defending yourself + it will stop you over reacting from situations which could become physical simply from the fact that if it does that you will kick there ass.

Trust me that will solve almost 70% of you problems.

I feel that you have too many problems which you stated above to be thinking about college or study....Summer exams are closing in, if you can, see if you can focus yourself on just passing the exams,no 80 or 90% just get the things passed. If you cant than fair enough you can always do the repeats in August or start fresh again in September.

saa

willfromcork wrote: »

Thanks!
If I am being really honest I am in control of my drinking and I know when to stop. I also only drink when I am out with friends and never drink alone.

You are not, you are passing out, you are drinking to zone out from the intruding thoughts and I've been in group counselling and seen the man of 50 who started drinking with his friends and it helped with dealing with abuse but then when he alienated his friends or they moved on with their lives he got more into the drink and now everything he does is to avoid bad thoughts so he drinks and its not good even with myself drinking needs to be monitored emotions+drink=trouble . I went through abuse and scrimped through school went through a lot of bullying and found myself in college doing something I love and hating it at the same time getting "sick" depressed and using anything to escape all this stuff that was coming up from the past and as soon as you think its working and not doing harm is when you let your gaurd down, trust drink and it starts getting its claws in, not that there is anything wrong with getting drunk but when its got emotions behind it or gives a release from traumatic symptoms or memories you're playing with fire.

So I got through college, barely and started going to counselling so get in contact with the rape crisis centre because my college counselor was rubbish but each one is different. It's good to joins clubs and get organised because even after abuse life goes on and you're safe now and wow you got into college you're already defying statistics, at the moment and with help and support you can do well in college, take a year out if you need to, go to the hospital if you find yourself in such a state emotionally you are not safe.

Is your home life safe, secure and supportive? maybe someone you trust or a professional needs to know and help you get what ever help you need, defo looking back I wish I had family to look after me or was able to go into hospital for a few months to get intensive counselling and time off but I pulled strength from somewhere and looked after myself I knew it would all blow over, feelings come and go no matter how horrific. if it is I would call the RCC and get advice on your situation because it sounds like everything you've been blocking out from the past is coming back in and I've been there took two years during college to get back to normal all day id be in a mess and then id try to go to sleep and have anxiety dreams or hear voices, and you literally get no rest so its very hard to keep going with college especially without support.