a little lost

LegacyUser

I don't really know what advice I am looking for here..but I don't have anyone to talk about it with....

Over the last few months I fell in love with a friend of mine that I have known for about two years.....a few weeks ago while we were drunk he told me that he really liked me too and that we should go on a date. We went on the date and we went drinking and he started saying how much he really liked me ...that I was beautiful and funny and that he had waited so long for this to happen. I was so happy and well...we slept together. The next day everything was fine I left his and we were texting a bit.

Anyway long story short he never asked me to meet him again, he didn't reply to one of my texts for a week...so that was that.

Quite honestly I have never felt so stupid or heartbroken.


Anyway since then I have just felt a little off....depressed I guess for being rejected and used like that.

I went out last weekend with some friends of mine and got really drunk and ended up sleeping with a friend of a friend who I had just met that night. I left the next day feeling absolutely awful....

I never really thought I would do something like that, this guy didn't give a sh*t about me and he wasn't very nice either yet I went back to his and had sex.

This was the first time I have had any one night stand. I feel awful, like a total slapper

Over the last two years I have no had much luck with men. I ended a 5 year relationship 2 years ago (he was the first guy i had slept with) since then I have basically let men treat me terribly, I have slept with 6 guys since him and I feel wretched.

I either sleep with the guys too soon and they dump me or in one instance I was just a f*ck buddy to one.

Like I said I don't really know what advice I am looking for...I think I am afraid Ill keep building up sexually partners and that.

I feel really naive, has anyone been through something like this...am i just overly sensitive ..i just feel like I don't know myself anymore.

Elmidena

First of all, cheer up petal there's no need to be so hard on yourself

Everyone goes through life making mistakes, it's how we move on and learn from it. There is no sense in wasting any more of your time feeling like you're a slapper or wretched....your number of partners is relatively low, particularly with one being your partner of five years, and your actions are hardly what could be deemed "promiscuous". As long as you use protection, there is nothing to worry about a one night stand here or there.

It sounds to me as though you need to learn to love yourself a bit more though; every person is different and don't presume some folk'll behave a certain way, and don't tar all with the same brush. You have met some immature men, that's all. Maybe your friend was shy, maybe he was an a$$hat, but he has proven that you're deserving of more attention than he is willing to give. Get out and enjoy life, and don't be fretting about the right time to sleep with someone etc. If it's genuinely a problem, slap yourself with a fixed amount of time of chastity (a month, whatever). Best of luck

Honest to god you have nothing to feel ashamed of. If you enjoyed yourself then where's the problem?

I'm not advocating you sleep with a different guy every weekend but having fun is, well, fun! If it's making you feel genuinely bad about yourself then that's not good. But if you are only feeling that way because you think you should then stop, relax, enjoy

bouncebouncey

You can sleep with whoever you like, whenever you like. As said above if you are enjoying it then so be it.

The problem is that you're not. You've been a little bit unlucky with the guy you knew for 2 years. I mean I'd expect you thought you were a pretty good judge of his character after that period of time. That he turned out to be a complete dickh**d isn't your fault. I can understand you being upset and distressed by his behaviour. However that is a reflection on him and not you as a person. I know it sounds like something that is easy for me to say but it really is true. If he didn't want to pursue a relationship with you he should at least have had the decency to have an adult conversation with you about it. Basically he did a bit of a con job to get you into bed. That's an awful thing to have happen to you.

As for the one night stand with the bloke from the bar. You clearly didn't enjoy that either. He wasn't nice to you, you didn't feel good afterward and you've beaten yourself up a bit over it. You may have been acting out or even subconciously doing it as a bit of a '**** you' to the guy you had feelings for. You live and you learn so chalk it up to experience.

Don't do it again if it's not something you aren't comfortable with. 6 guys in 2 years isn't exactly a huge amount of people to have been with to be honest but don't have sex with guys if you don't feel good about it afterwards.

There is no rush for you to find someone. In fairness it sounds like you took your time and didn't rush anything but the guy you had feelings for turned out to be a twat. They won't all be like that and, in time, you'll meet someone that you are into and who reciprocates those feelings.

In the meantime remember that you are your own person and not defined by a man or anyone else. You don't need a man for approval and you should never let any man take advantage of you.

If you are going to sleep with anyone for kicks (I don't think it's your thing but people can change their minds!) then do it on your own terms and be comfortable and happy with your decision.

Chin up OP you'll be fine

daisybelle2008

feelweird wrote: »

I don't really know what advice I am looking for here..but I don't have anyone to talk about it with....

Over the last few months I fell in love with a friend of mine that I have known for about two years.....a few weeks ago while we were drunk he told me that he really liked me too and that we should go on a date. We went on the date and we went drinking and he started saying how much he really liked me ...that I was beautiful and funny and that he had waited so long for this to happen. I was so happy and well...we slept together. The next day everything was fine I left his and we were texting a bit.

Anyway long story short he never asked me to meet him again, he didn't reply to one of my texts for a week...so that was that.

Quite honestly I have never felt so stupid or heartbroken.


Anyway since then I have just felt a little off....depressed I guess for being rejected and used like that.

I went out last weekend with some friends of mine and got really drunk and ended up sleeping with a friend of a friend who I had jus!t met that night. I left the next day feeling absolutely awful....

I never really thought I would do something like that, this guy didn't give a sh*t about me and he wasn't very nice either yet I went back to his and had sex.

This was the first time I have had any one night stand. I feel awful, like a total slapper

Over the last two years I have no had much luck with men. I ended a 5 year relationship 2 years ago (he was the first guy i had slept with) since then I have basically let men treat me terribly, I have slept with 6 guys since him and I feel wretched.

I either sleep with the guys too soon and they dump me or in one instance I was just a f*ck buddy to one.

Like I said I don't really know what advice I am looking for...I think I am afraid Ill keep building up sexually partners and that.

I feel really naive, has anyone been through something like this...am i just overly sensitive ..i just feel like I don't know myself anymore.

You are being incredibly hard on yourself. The words you use to judge yourself are very harsh. Having such a low opinion of yourself and your behaviour is going to bring you down further.
I am not sure why you feel this guy used 'used' you. You had a date that he asked for, then consensual sex, just because he is not interested in anything more does not mean you were used. Unless you feel he owes you a relationship in return for sex, how can you be used?

You seem to be looking for a guaranteed relationship for having sex. If that does not happen you are beating yourself up and calling yourself names like slapper

Not all sex leads to relationships. Early sex tends to be more casual, and should be enjoyed only of you don't have an agenda or low self esteem that you are looking to get filled. It can lead to a relationship but the objective is of having fun.
To have sex you only need to both be on the wavelength of having sex, for it to lead to a relationship, then you both need to be on that wavelength. Don't expect that to happen with every person you have sex with.
Move on and learn to like yourself. The great thing about loving yourself is you are not dependent on anyone else to do it for you. And you don't exchange sex for feeling loved. You can have sex and not worry about it.
Sex is too tied up with your self image.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your nice replies, the thing is friends of mine have one night stands and have slept with far more people than me and I never judge anyone or care about how many people they have slept with, but ya as one poster said it is clearly not for me.

I left one part of the story out because when I think about it, it makes me feel horrible. The next day after I had slept with my friend it was all good until... we were chatting having breakfast ...I was looking at something in his house and just said "oh I just got deja vu"....and he said "slag"

now when he said it I stared at him him and said..."I'm not a slag" and he just laughed. Now when I left this was going over in my head...see we had been really good friends (I would have considered him one of my closest friends) and often we take the p*ss out of each other so I couldn't tell if this was him just messing about or that he actually meant that.....I know that makes me sound really stupid....because no one should say something like that to anyone, especially after sleeping with them... and now obviously I know that he meant it. Bouncebouncy you are right I did feel like i knew him but i clearly didn't and this has left me feeling unsure of myself.

Lady I felt used because he obviously knew I had feelings for him and said what I wanted to hear to get me into bed and it worked. If we had continued dating just because we had slept together I wasn't expecting it to turn into a full blown relationship straight away, but I see what you are saying and you are right about a few things.

I am a friend

Op he has no manners and you had a lucky escape. You are far from a slag and his use of that stupid word just confirms you are better off without him.

Just give yourself time. One night stands aren't for everyone so if you find yourself vulnerable after one them It's probably best to avoid them.

Wompa1

Think it might have been an insensetive joke on his part. Like he thought you'd just had sex with him and said you were having deja vu. As though you've been in that situation quite a bit.

Although I don't know. It wouldn't at all suprise me if he used you for sex. I think a lot of guys who keep close friends of the opposite sex do have them lined up incase the mood ever strikes

Also I get what you mean about the ONS thing, I'm a guy but it was never for me. I haven't had many at all at all but thanks to a series of bad relationships my number is higher than I'd like it to be for partners. For my own preferences.