Excited and Scared about starting a new life abroad...

bogman007

I have been trying to write this for ages but every time i look over it i just think it looks silly and i keep on re-doing it again and again and again!!
Well this is the last time im writing it so here it goes...

[My personal story is too long and complicated to be writing all down so i am going to leave it out here but if i get a conversation going i will be happy to explain further]

I have decided that i am going to leave home and start a new life for myself shortly after i finish college in May. I had personal problems which affected my social life big time for about 2years and caused me to loose contact with my friends. Anyway iv come through all that and i know that its a problem that will not effect me the way it did again. Im in a great mood now and love life and the crack! I feel that this is defiantly the right move to make for me to make.

If you have made this choice

My Question is this...How hard was it for you to go by yourself and start new?...Did you feel that you where walking away from your situation at home?

Thanks for taking the time to read this, hope i get a response back from someone , i would really want to know what ye think

cafecolour

I've done it twice. In the English speaking country, about 6 months before I felt comfortable, and about a year before I felt completely settled in (full social circle, knew the lay of the land, etc.)

In the non-English speaking country, it's harder to judge. I had fellow English-speaking expat friends that I met almost immediately. They were grand for support, but were more club/bar focused than I, and I was more interested in trying to integrate. That takes a long time (I was learning the language), but that's sort of the challenge of moving somewhere foreign. Really, I just made friends with some 'locals' who spoke English, and learned a bit of the language.

Anyway, IMHO, if you go to another English-speaking country, for me between least 6 months to a year (and that's making some effort to meet people as someone who is social but somewhat shy).

In a foreign country, it's generally really easy to meet expats, harder to meet the natives. If you just want to party with the other expats, it's often pretty quick overall.

ihsb

It is hard work but you have to work at it constantly for a good while. Join social groups etc and go out of your comfort zone and you will get settled in. It took me quite a while to settle in here but I have done it now... after a lot of soul searching and meeting some strange and wonderful people.

If you have interests already then you can always find other people with the same interests wherever you go!

Rosy Posy

When we moved initially (six years ago) we said we would just try it out for six months, which I think was good as it didn't put pressure on us to put roots down or to feel like we were going away forever. We have a lot of local friends and a fair few expat friends too, and I think that one thing that a lot of the expats have in common is that they made a break with their old life and lifestyle and friends and made a conscious change in moving away. I also find that, while (a few of) my friends from Ireland are the best and closest friends I could ever have, and you can't really replicate the experience of growing up with people, my friends here are more in tune with where I'm at now, and I have a lot more in common with them.

It was really hard at first and I found that I had to work at building friendships, especially with the culture difference. For the first few months I just hung out with whoever I could find before finding a group of people that I could really relate to. I think that I coped at that time by keeping in mind that I could always go back at the end of the six months if that was what I wanted, and just tried to get the best out of the experience that I could.

We left at the height of the boom and it didn't feel so much as abandoning home as choosing a different, simpler path. We do have some guilt about leaving family behind but there are pros and cons to that too, and we visit reasonably often and get the odd few visits in return, which can be really intense but also lovely.

Hope this helps.

bogman007

sunflower27 wrote: »

I moved to Ireland in 2000 knowing no-one. I was terrified but really excited as well.

It isn't easy, you really have to push yourself to interact and make friends and build up a social life, but there is a real sense of achievement in being able to do that.

As for leaving problems behind, no they don't dissapear. They do follow you and be prepared for feelings of guilt (I fought that for a long time but not any more).

All I can say is this is your life - make the most of it while you can. This is a really exciting time and I understand you are nervous, but there are plenty of other people out there that have taken the plunge and are in the same boat.

It sounds as if you have had a tough time and now you are set to embark on an exciting future - grasp it with both hands and make the very most of it.

All the best in the world to you

Thanks i found your comment very helpful.

I don't feel that i am running away from anything or i will have feeling of regret or guilt.

I was never good with dealing with low moods and when it turned to depression i isolated myself from all my friends and stopped socializing and it just snowballed.

Anyway i started getting counselling and that kinda helped but what really helped me was taking time out to analyse How the **** have things got so bad?!!

I have been doing that for the last 5months and its been great therapy. Can honestly say that its a blessing in disguise! (event the thought of writing this than would have sounded "retarded")

Its going to take about a month b4 im prepared to head (commitments at home).

The most important thing i feel about making a decision about this is that you have to be in a good mood leaving + mental state to do it.

Even if it doesn't work out wherever i go, i feel that i can be proud in the fact that i tried something to better my situation. The thought of not doing something is 10X worse

There has to be some level of risk in order to succeed!!

Princess Peach

I moved away alone 3 months ago. It was scary but I was really excited too.

I was really unhappy in my home town. Had a lousy job and bad friends. I like being back in college now. I made a really big effort in making friends and it has paid off and I have a good group now and we have great fun.

A main part of my depression was situational, in that I didn't like my life and where I lived, discovered that through counselling. So I made a good effort to change that. And I'm really glad I did. Will be abroad for all of this year, be home for Christmas. After that I'll either live in Dublin or abroad, but I don't see myself living back in my home town ever.

As long as you are well prepared, and are willing to be outgoing in making friends I think it really should work out for you

bogman007

To the other respondents, thanks for taking the time to respond its good hear about other peoples stories and situations. It takes a lot of guts to move away from your family and community and start somewhere new.

It would be great to hear from more people who have had similar experiences.

bogman007

Princess Peach wrote: »

I moved away alone 3 months ago. It was scary but I was really excited too.

I was really unhappy in my home town. Had a lousy job and bad friends. I like being back in college now. I made a really big effort in making friends and it has paid off and I have a good group now and we have great fun.

A main part of my depression was situational, in that I didn't like my life and where I lived, discovered that through counselling. So I made a good effort to change that. And I'm really glad I did. Will be abroad for all of this year, be home for Christmas. After that I'll either live in Dublin or abroad, but I don't see myself living back in my home town ever.

As long as you are well prepared, and are willing to be outgoing in making friends I think it really should work out for you

Hey thanks for sharing that. Its it great to hear a story like that!

My problem was failing to act on how ****ty my situation was becoming and just postponing constantly.

My worst though is looking 5 or 10years into the future and dealing with the same problems im dealing with now (that just scares the sh it out of me!)

greenteaicedtea

I grew up in Canada, I work with a lot of immigrants because I work in a large city.

Some people seem to have immigrated to Canada to escape stifling cultural norms.

The ones who do well are open to new things and easygoing. Those things take you far, you will make new friends easily, and they will steer you on the right track if you need it.

But there are many whose issues have followed them to Canada, and whether the change was just too much, or they never got help for their mental health problems, well the problems are still there, and if anything, the stress of moving and adapting to a new culture just makes things worse.

I think that many people come to Canada not realizing that you have to adapt to the new culture, to get the most out of being in new country.

If you are open-minded and willing to get help if you need it, you'll do fine. It's just if your life is out of control, moving countries won't always help.

I myself found it was great to change and find a new bunch of people who had no idea who I was. I was bullied in school (more than just average schoolyard stuff) and when my family moved, I had to make an effort to make new friends and go out of my comfort zone, but it was a relief to know that no one knew me, to have a clean slate. We moved around a bit more, and I got better at making new friends.

However around work, I am not always as social as everyone else, I am a bit eccentric, and I am left out of things sometimes, but I have come to accept my own limitations, and I don't get upset about it.