boyfriend always talks about his ex

LegacyUser

my current oh was in a relationship for about 5 years, and split from her 2 years ago after she cheated on him. he still refers to her as his 'missus' and 'my woman' though. should i be concerned? i know he was with her for a while so it is obvious that he will talk about her and the things they did together as a couple, but when he still happily refers to her like that after what she did to him it makes me feel unwanted.

help? am i overreacting?

jellygems

my ex did this to me, got so fed up one day i said to him it was over i couldnt listen to another word about her i knew all about her life and up to date aswell cos they were still frnds

theres no need for it in my opinion

LegacyUser

sorry but get out of there fast... sounds like he is not over his ex whatsoever, I was with someone for 6 years who was a big part of my life but I very rarely speak about him in front of my new boyf as I think it is rude and there is no need for it. If he had only broke up with her very recently you could understand that it was hard for him to get out of the 'habit' of talking about her but 2 years?? Nah I would not be putting up with that.

I am a friend

unwanted345 wrote: »

my current oh was in a relationship for about 5 years, and split from her 2 years ago after she cheated on him. he still refers to her as his 'missus' and 'my woman' though. should i be concerned? i know he was with her for a while so it is obvious that he will talk about her and the things they did together as a couple, but when he still happily refers to her like that after what she did to him it makes me feel unwanted.

help? am i overreacting?

huh??? My OH doesnt talk about his ex WIFE like that... Thats very bizarre and I would run a mile.

blatantrereg

Talking about her mightn't be a big deal per sé - If you are with someone that long then a lot of anecdotes are going to have them in it etc.

But

he still refers to her as his 'missus' and 'my woman'

wtf tbh. Really odd behaviour that. I would tend to agree he's not over her at all.

ihsb

Either get rid of him or get rid of her. You need to sit down with him and ask him if he is completely over this woman. If he is then he needs to start acting accordingly (though if it were me the damage would have already been done) and if he isn't then you need to run away as fast as you can. Trust your gut on this one OP.

Pomplamousse

How long have you two been together?
Regardless, it's pretty rude of him to refer to her like that, I would definitely be walking away. Fast!

The Lovely Muffin

Sounds to me like he is still into her OP.

You could speak to him about it (Personally, I'd dump him) and see what he says.

He is being insensitive and rude. There is no need for him to be speaking about his ex to you constantly and certainly not referring to her as his 'missus' or 'my woman'. If my boyfriend was referring to any of his ex partners like that, I'd be out of our relationship so fast my feet wouldn't touch the ground.

Vicxas

Op your BF isnt over his ex it seems, I would tred very carefully becuase it sounds like he might bail if she comes back on the scene.

Beruthiel

unwanted345 wrote: »

he still refers to her as his 'missus' and 'my woman' though.

What have you said to him about the above?
I mean, 'my woman'? Seriously?
Get straight answers OP because referring to an ex in that manner would have neon lights flashing for me.

My husband knows feck all about my ex.
It is crass and rude to talk about them constantly and no current partner is interested in an ex.

LegacyUser

thanks guys, ive been with him for a little over a year now, so technically theyve been split for 3 years. it does upset me, because sometimes i feel as if he is comparing me to her as he is constantly going on about her work (she has a very good job) and all the qualifications she has. im working part time at the moment, due to losing my secretarial job.

Emme

unwanted345 wrote: »

thanks guys, ive been with him for a little over a year now, so technically theyve been split for 3 years. it does upset me, because sometimes i feel as if he is comparing me to her as he is constantly going on about her work (she has a very good job) and all the qualifications she has. im working part time at the moment, due to losing my secretarial job.

You've given him a year of your life but he still goes on about his ex after 3 years. Has he told you that he loves you?

I would sit down and tell him that his constant references to his ex as "my missus" and "my woman" are upsetting you. Regardless of how he reacts my advice would be to get out of this relationship, don't waste any more time on somebody who clearly doesn't value you.

G-Money

This hasn't really happened to me in a relationship, but there's few things that annoy me more than a girl constantly banging on about some guy, whether she's with him or not. My own opinion is if a girl is constantly talking about a guy, she either is with him or wants to get with him. It would be 10 times worse if I was in a relationship with such a girl.

I can only imagine OP what this must be like for you. It sounds to me like he's still got a thing for his ex. I'm not sure how I'd handle it but I think I'd eventually bring up that they talk about their ex a lot.

I guess you need to step back a bit and try to look at the whole situation objectively and honestly and ask yourself is he just a bit oblivious to how annoying it is, or does he actually still have a thing for her. If it's the former, it can be overcome. If it's the latter, I'd be thinking about packing my bags OP.

Little Miss Lady

Oh hun, you're with him a year and he still refers to her as his missus and my woman?
Save yourself the heartache and find someone that refers to you, the current gf, as his missus and woman.
That is totally bizarre and totally unacceptable
Is he stupid or just plain ignorant altogether!!

nicechick!

unwanted345 wrote: »

my current oh was in a relationship for about 5 years, and split from her 2 years ago after she cheated on him. he still refers to her as his 'missus' and 'my woman' though. should i be concerned? i know he was with her for a while so it is obvious that he will talk about her and the things they did together as a couple, but when he still happily refers to her like that after what she did to him it makes me feel unwanted.

help? am i overreacting?

I'd understand that he'd reference her to some extend 5years is a long time! but your right to over react I know I would the use of the phrase is ''his missus'' and ''my woman'' is extremely unnerving and suggests that he is not over this

I am a friend

Is he a bully in other ways?

He is being very derisive by doing this but then again you are letting him.

LegacyUser

thank you for all the replies, im glad im not just being silly!

i am a friend: yes, he does bully me in other ways. he makes me feel guilty when i go out with friends for a drink or meal and presumes that i meet other men when im out. if i dont answer my phone straight away when he calls he also thinks that im with somebody. thats a whole other issue though!

Elmidena

unwanted345 wrote: »

thank you for all the replies, im glad im not just being silly!

i am a friend: yes, he does bully me in other ways. he makes me feel guilty when i go out with friends for a drink or meal and presumes that i meet other men when im out. if i dont answer my phone straight away when he calls he also thinks that im with somebody. thats a whole other issue though!

OP, I really don't think it is. These petty/jealous actions and referring to someone that was a landmark in his life as working in a great job etc all the time, these are ways of chipping at your confidence. When you see how great all the world is you should be drawn to him and have no interest in anyone else--that sort of mentality seems to be what he's playing at. He is allowing his insecurity of being cheated on and tarring you with that brush. You haven't done anything wrong and most certainly don't deserve his attitude or hearing about how the solar system orbits his ex. He's not over her, or he's breaking you down so you won't leave/betray him, and either mindframe is sufficient for you to be packing your bags! You've been with him long enough for him to know the error of his ways, I'm positive he can see it makes you flinch at hearing "my woman" etc even if you never brought it up vocally....but there is a chance that he is oblivious to it. But really OP, if he is oblivious, he's with you a year and he still doesn't know what hurts you? Think you could do a lot better for yourself pet xxx

Katy89

get out of that relationship as fast as you could.

isn't it better to be "alone" than having a person which is called a 'boyfriend' who bullies you??

Gunslinger92

OP, you deserve better than this, much better.

He is being shockingly disrespectful IMO referring to her as his missus and woman after 3 years of being apart!! He also has absolutely no right to make you feel guilty for going out with your friends!

I can only agree with everyone else - get out of there.

Wompa1

Not sure what I'd say depends how he says his woman...does he say it in a culchie way..like your wan...I was over ex but still felt some anger about what she did and still do. I also travelled a lot with her so if I talk about that it's inevitable to mention her..but my housemate set a rule that I can't mention her by name ever. Have to call her satan