SIL issues with food

LegacyUser

Hi what could someone do in this situation? My Sister in Law is a lovely woman, her and my brother have twins a boy and girl, they will turn 9 this year. My sister in law has serious issues with food, I am not talking about casual dieting, it has to be some kind of eating disorder as it is really extreme. As I had been abroad for a bit, so I hadnt seen her or my brother for a few months until recently ,when I saw her I was shocked by her appearance she was so thin. She looked very unwell, I am told she is constantly complaining that she is tired and in a bad mood, I am unsure if this is down to her extreme diet.

My mother informs me that she doesn't starve herself but restricts her diet to a rediculous point, (she weighs her carbohydrates for example when she does eat them but in gerneral will eat no carbs at all.)she didnt want to sit down to dinner with my family recently as she had helped herself "to a few slices of meat earlier". I realise she is an adult,my main concern is that my niece,who is 9,announced recently to a family member that she doesnt want to get big or fat (she is nowhere near over weight). This worries me alot as I believe she is at an age when she will really start to notice these things and her mothers behaviour towards food. Just to say that my brother does notice it to and tries to get her to eat, he doesn't diet himself.

I know we cant make her change especially when she thinks anyone who mentions this is jealous of her being thin (she is thin to the point where you would have to have issues yourself to be jealous). Is there anything that can be done to help? Has anyone experience of this issue? Just to add, she doesnt starve but diets in an extreme way, the kids eat very well and their food is in no way restricted, my brother wouldnt have that anyhow. It's just I worry about her daughter, and about her getting an impression of what actually is normal for when she grows up. Again just to emphasise, she is not just thin she looked unwell the last time I saw her. Thanks for reading

ABajaninCork

Have you spoken to your brother about this? To me, that would be the first thing I would do.

I would also mention what your niece said too.

LegacyUser

She may just be extremely careful about what she eats.

She doesn't starve herself but measures carbs - that sounds like what a lot of people in the health and nutrition forum do to keep their weight down.

Plenty of diets are carb free.... at the moment I only have carbs in the morning for breakfast but if you look at how people stay slim, it's down to a reduction in bad carbs. I'm off bread, sugar etc.... that would sound extreme for some people.

What height is she and what weight would you say she is?

Is she into exercise?

LegacyUser

Hi, she is 5,9 maybe a little more, I think she could be the 8 and 1/2 stone mark,maybe 9? I am not at all good at guessing these things though. She looked very guant the last time I saw her but I am not familiar with specific diets so maybe it isnt unhealthy per se. Its more the message I am worried about in relation to my niece. I agree that I need to say it to my brother, I know he has concerns anyhow as he has said he believes she has issues. I dont want to cause an unmerciful row between them about my niece though, so I need to be careful how I phrase things. My main concern is my niece, she is built very like her mum used to be (tall and athletic build,never fat) this was before the dieting made her, at least, appear frail. Alot of her former muscle has gone, I can tell that much. Mainly I dont want my niece hating her natural shape because her mum is unhappy with her natural shape, especially since it is actually healthy, but she isnt starving herself at least.

LegacyUser

Just to answer other question, she is into exercise also I am told, I am unsure what type, I know she went mad exercising after the kids were born, at least that is according to my brother.

LegacyUser

It sounds like the mother is taking responsibility for her weight and the way she looks.

Your niece is picking up on this. The influences could also be coming from picking up magazines, watching tv, listening to the radio and watching older girls.

You say that the diet of the child is in no way restricted and that they eat very well. So where really is the problem ? The fact that she said she didn't want to end up fat?

If your brother has concerns then it's up to him to voice them.

cafecolour

Well, she def has to eat carbs if she exercises, that's not healthy. I wonder if she's following some diet plan, but not accounting for the calories shes burning when exercising.

Going through your brother is really the best idea. Emphasize that she needs to account for calories in daily activity/exercise. Or maybe direct her to an 'intense' but healthy program, ie something like P90X.

Princess Peach

If you have not spoken to the woman or your brother about her habits you cannot know the whole story. There can be many reasons someone loses weight or changes their diet. I suggest maybe speaking to the woman, tell her you are concerned and ask about her habits. From experience you can suggest a healthier lifestyle for her but she is not going to change it unless she wants to herself. There is really little you can do on that.

As for your niece, I have to echo what another poster above says. I agree that if her mother is dieting it's not healthy or her body image, but as the girl gets older there are going to be so many other pressures on her that cause her to be unhappy with her body. And it's impossible to remove them all. When you spend time with her try ways that will make her feel more comfortable in who she is. Don't talk about weight much, more-so talk about over all beauty.