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Father in law a pain in the neck

  • 03-04-2012 12:50pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've never seen eye to eye with him. I limit my contact with him and I try to make an effort when we go to my in laws or they come to ours. He's got an opinion on everything and of course he's always right. He's very rude to my lovely mother in law, constantly interrupting her and correcting her when she's telling us something. He's always dictating to us what we should do with the house/garden. I wouldn't dream of suggesting renovations to their home, so why he feels the need to comment on our home is a mystery. He'll even be critical of things my husband goes to a lot of effort to arrange, such as getting food or drink to meet his preferences. He's very, very involved with his grandchildren and this is going to be a bugbear for me. I am due my child in a month and I really don't want him putting his two cents into the mix. I have no interest in hearing about his views on child development or what he thinks we should be buying or getting for the baby's room. I don't want him near me in the hospital after the birth, I want to get sorted with the help of my husband and mother at our home before I have to deal with him.
    But he is not one of those who can take a hint. I've tried dropping hints when he felt the need to dictate aspects of our wedding and home, but he either chooses to brazen it out or just thinks his way is the only way to do things. I can be stubborn myself so maybe there's a case of a personality clash but I want my husband to have a word with him to stay away from our home until I am ready to deal with him.

    I know this is a tricky situation and not really one you can comment on unless you've been there but i would appreciate any advice.


Comments

  • #2
    meganj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 424 ✭✭meganj


    Is your husband on your side when it comes to this? Is he in agreement around the situation after the birth of your child?

    If he is then you just need to get your Husband to say it to him, he's his Father after all. Should be a firm outline of what you want and what support you will both need from him following the birth.

    If your Husband is not on board, well then that's a different matter, but it does seem from your post that he is. I would forgo the dropping of hints at any rate and either let your husband deal with it or come out and say it.

    It will be his grandchild but your child. They raised their children so they should let you raise yours.


  • #3
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    niceyniceynicey wrote: »

    I can be stubborn myself so maybe there's a case of a personality clash but I want my husband to have a word with him to stay away from our home until I am ready to deal with him.

    Yeah, I am very slow to recommend as others have 'standing up to him'.
    I would strongly recommend you don't drag your husband into boycotting him from your home until you are ready to 'deal' with him. That is very very infammatory and confrontational. He is realistically going to feel insulted.

    Remember this man just believes what he believes. He is strong willed and probably a little old fashioned, but that is who he is. He is not intentionally trying to offend you. In fact in his own way he is very well intentioned. You say he is very very involved with his grandkids, well he is because he is well intentioned and loves them. I am sure they love him back and don't view him the way you do. Either does his wife for that matter.

    You don't have to accept his opinions or do what he dictates. Let him have his little speeches about child rearing etc. Nod and smile sweetly and say thanks I never thought about it like that. Then do whatever the hell you want. Don't get into a confrontation or debate. Ultimately you can do what you want. He thinks he is doing you a favour with his advise. He really thinks he is helping. Honestly he does. You are right, he does think his way is the only way, most people do.

    He sounds like he will be a very involved helpful Grandaddy. Focus on how much of a help that will be to you and your husband and let his (and your stubborness) go in one ear and out the other.


  • #4
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Yep I agree. There are too many threads on here where a person has an issue with the in-laws and drags the poor partner into a row with their own family...

    OP, you need to take a step back. you knew what you were getting into when you married your OH - have respect for his family and just avoid the man as much as possible... Also maybe some of the advice he gives is worth listening to - he did raise your hubby after all...


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