If people knew what I was really like

scarymoon1

Hi, I'm having trouble forgetting about the bad things I've done in the past. If people read my previous posts they will see I basically go psycho if someone dumps me, as in text them lots of abuse. I'm going to counselling and it's helping a lot. For example I've kinda met a new guy and if he only knew the truth about me he would be disgusted. If my work colleagues knew what I've done to ex's they would think I'm a psycho too. I'm working on my anger issues but how do I get over the guilt feeling? How do I truly forgive myself how what I did? I'm disgusted how I sent the abusive texts but how do I move on it? I've moved on from the guy but not how I treated him after he dumped me he just wasn't ready for a relationship and I tore him to shreds with my texts

Balmed Out

I suppose A) apologise and dont do it again. Nothing else you can do bar working on your issues which you apparently are doing.
If you do that I would think that with time you will get over it. Best of luck.

Defiler Of The Coffin

We all have regrets. I did some idiotic things in my youth I wish I could go back and change but all I can do is learn from my mistakes and move on.

In order for you to forgive yourself you need to make peace with your past, really learn from your mistakes as best you can and move forward. Forgiving yourself can be as easy or as difficult as you want it to be, you are going to counselling so you are making the effort. You have acknowledged that the things you said to your ex were wrong, it's important that you realise this but it's equally important that you draw a line under that part of your life and not continuously wallow in the past, it will do you no good.

Your colleagues and new guy are more interested in the person you are today, not who you were before! Best of luck.

Mucky.Bucky

I don't have any advice to give you but I'm in a similiar situation as yourself. I went physco too and I was very, very crazy but I was absolutely provoked.

I don't have a problem with being dumped or anything but it was the pussyfooting mind games that he played with lies, empty promises, no empathy or consideration, fcuk all of an apology and no corrective action at all on his part. He just wanted me to believe his lies and take them. I don't know why he did it. Perhaps as a form of communication to let to let me know he didn't want anything more to do with me or it could be anything else. I don't know. I always prefer honesty no matter what.

When I hauled him up on things I was told more lies to cover up his own ass. I told him to fcuk off and to say the least I was left with a messed up mind. There was no corrective action from him at all. He was finished using me and manipulating me for his sick, twisted gains and ego boost.

In time I cracked up. I mulled on things too much and I cracked. I was very, very harsh on him like nobody here would believe. I have been riddled with guilt since.

I guess it depends entirely on your situation op and how the break ups and rejections happen. Some people can be so cowardly and do it so cold heartedly when it is so easy to be honest. Some people just bring out the worst in others.

I'll be following this thread for help and advice too.

Call Me Jimmy

If he deserved it then don't worry about it, someone treats you like sh!t and you treat them like sh!t back and you aren't together anymore no big deal. Don't use it as an excuse to dwell on a crap time.

danslevent

Regrets are mistakes we never learned from. That's a quote, from someone wise :P. But it is true, you learnt your mistake, you may feel disgust and embarrassment on remembering them but you did learn a lesson.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Also, more good advice from a wiser person than myself said, talk to yourself as you would a friend. Would you like a friend to habrour the same negative thoughts as yourself? You can't change the past, just try to learn from it and move on.

Good luck OP, please stop judging yourself so harshly, you aren't a bad person.

Wompa1

If he screwed you over in some way I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know how you feel. I really lost it over an ex of mine and now looking back I kind of regret it. Not for her, just for myself. Because I'd rather I was stronger but hey screw it. That b!tch deserves every bit abuse she got or will ever get in her life, I won't let it drag me down.

Sleepy

How do you move on? Take responsibility for your actions before you carry them out instead of trying to justify them afterwards.

That way you know anything you do in the future will be sensible and you can let your past be your past. No matter what "issues" one has, there is no excuse to harm another in life in anything other than the defence of oneself or one's direct family.

Mucky.Bucky

Sleepy wrote: »

How do you move on? Take responsibility for your actions before you carry them out instead of trying to justify them afterwards.

That way you know anything you do in the future will be sensible and you can let your past be your past. No matter what "issues" one has, there is no excuse to harm another in life in anything other than the defence of oneself or one's direct family.

I can't speak for the op but I know in my case there was so much irritibilty and frustrastion built up from being strung along and I snapped. The abuse that I directed at him was on implusive. I didn't set out to do it. I didn't plan it.

Some time passed and I was like what the fcuk is this? What am I doing? What did I just do? I caused him no doubt grief. I demeaned him. I insulted him.

I hated what I did. I hated what I became. I hated what I did to him. I do hope he is ok. :-(

lynsalot

Hi OP,

How long are you in counselling? I've been in CBT for over a year and its changed my life. It focuses on how we think and how that fuels our mood.

The reason I ask about the length of time you've been going is because 6 months ago I was in the middle of it and some weeks were good and some were tough. Now though, I can reflect and see changes and its honestly the best thing I ever did.

Don't regret anything from your past. It makes you who you are. We're all learning and life experience comes in many ways for different people. This has sparked you to get counselling which is just a way to reflect on yourself and constructively put different coping methods in place. You'll learn a lot about yourself and ultimately gain insight into how you want to deal with situations moving forward.

You've already said u feel guilty, so u know u won't do the same thing again which is ten times better than not being self aware. And without the bad experiences you wouldn't have attended counselling and learned this about yourself.

Listen, there's people in this world who will never learn from their mistakes and have done plenty worse than you. You haven't murdered anyone!! Give yourself a break. You had your reasons at the time, you're now examining how to move forward from them. You've taken a massive step into changing your reactions and you deserve credit for it.

Your new guy has his own demons so focus on yourself and take it slowly with him. Bring all of this up with your counsellor as I'm sure u have already. A book I've found very useful is awareness by anthony di mello if u want to look it up or rent it from the library and see what u think.

Best of luck xx

scarymoon1

The problem is tho any time any guy in the past dumped me I just got really mad. I've been in counselling a couple of years now on and off and I really thought I'd never get so mad again. My ex that I got mad with the last time, in fairness he didn't deserve it and the fact I thought I'd never insult him like I did is what makes me upset. If I hadn't got mad he would be still in my life. It was the second time he wanted space so I guess the fact I was able to control my anger the first time with him is an achievement. The second time I just lost the plot with him. Il just have to keep working on things. At times I feel I don't deserve happiness after what I did to him but then I think I do. It's never ending

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I think you are being really hard on yourself, I think the same way as you, I was at a dinner last Weekend and I started to think what if these people knew I had done x and y. I have done things far worse than you describe but I try to make peace with them by reminding myself that they are in the past and I have learned from them and would not repeat them.

I have been the crazy ex, like really crazy I made up lies to get attention, read people s emails, threatened to kill myself, the works, Id say it would make your behaviour look quite tame tbh!! I'm currently in a very healthy relationship where I have never behaved in this manner. Live and learn. Looking back I realise I had severe mental issues and should have sought help.

Try to recognise a pattern in your emotional reactions & keep your emotions in check. If I can reform anyone can.

Good luck Hun.