Cannot masturbate by hand

LegacyUser

I am a male (don't want to say what age) who is still a virgin. I can only climax in one way; by humping the floor face down. There is actually a medical term for this which I only found out recently; "Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome" (TMS).
I have been masturbating in this way for years and never though there was anything wrong with it. I have been shocked to learn from reading online about TMS that this could have already caused lasting damage to my sex life.
I am unable to climax in any other way, I can get an erection by hand but no way can I climax. I have an added problem in that I am on anti-depressants (Citalapram-20 mg) which means it takes me longer to cum. When I started on them first I had terrible trouble climaxing (now it's not so bad).
I went off them for a few weeks recently as an experiment and was able to climax on a soft surface (after huge effort though) but when I went back on them it was back to the same again (had to climax on the floor).
The thing is the orgasms I have while masturbating on the floor are much better than those by hand. I wouldn't know as I have never climaxed by hand but the time I got off on a soft surface the orgasm was not near as good.
I know what the problem is; my penis has become so accustomed to a hard surface that it is now almost impossible for me to cum in a normal manner.
I am terribly depressed about this condition, I don't think I'll ever be able to fix it and so I'll never be able to have "proper" sex.
I've cried myself to sleep about it, it's affecting my everyday life;I have started to become withdrawn and anti-social. I suppose some people will reply by saying I should talk to my GP about it but even though he is really nice I would feel too embarrassed.
It's such a mess, maybe I shouldn't say this but I've felt like ending it all. I wish I could be normal, not some freak...

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
This seems like a big problem, I think you know what you have to do. I would stop masturbating face down completely, it will be tough but train yourself to do it by hand. slowly you will become more accustommed to this and it will improve. It may be tough and may take a bit of time. Even a year but wouldnt it be worth it as you can start to focus on normal relationships.
You msy not be able to climax straight away but in a week or two you should and over time your body will adapt just resist the temptation to go back to your old ways.
Also, make sure you focus on yourself for a while, get over your depression. small steps will lead to a big change.
Best of luck.

Herrick

Maybe try not masturbating for a few weeks? Your urges may have built up so much you could try the "normal" method then and slowly become used to it?

Miss Fluff

Agreed. You simply need to stop using this way of masturbating as you have simply gotten into a habit/desensitized yourself. How often do you masturbate? If it's once or twice a day for example don't masturbate for a week and then use your hand to get yourself off. You'll still blow your load, just though a different technique.

lynsalot

Hi OP,

I can imagine how distressing this is... but first thing to realise is it has a name as you've said. If it has a name, then there's a lot of people with similar challenges. This means there's plenty of advice out there.

Get scouting online for forums or chatgroups about this kind of thing for advice. I think its going to take time for you to retrain your body and mind into a new way of thinking. I know you've mentioned ur doc is really nice etc etc but you owe to yourself to seek professional advice if you need it. Don't be deterred because its clearly a well known problem. Perhaps seeing a different GP for it. The reason I suggest this, is part of the problem is your thinking. Your doc can recommend a specialist in the area who you can speak with.

More practical advice I can think of would be to try masturbating by hand whilst holding something hard in your hand. Alternating the soft and hard surfaces to introduce the soft pressure slowly. Again online forums may be the best place for this kind of thing.

The other thing is... please don't let this affect your confidence.... there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Don't let this hold you back from meeting people and socialising. People have all kinds of issues when it comes to sex, and the best way to sort them is with a loving partner.

The other thing of course is... if you haven't experienced penetration how do u know it won't get you off??

Let me know how u get on and best of luck xx

LegacyUser

It's my own fault, I have no-one to blame but myself. I'll try stopping for a week and then try to do it by hand. I tried last weekend after going without for a week but I couldn't cum. I was so horny that I gave in to temptation and did it in the usual way (on the floor).
I get very stressed if I don't masturbate at least once every second day (sometimes every day). I am actually addicted to it, I have a serious problem and it is really worrying me.
I don't have a girlfriend at the moment (probably because this issue has destroyed my confidence) but if I was to have one in the future I would need to resolve this issue.
I'm not sure if I can though

Morag

Talk to your dr about having issues and ask for a referral to a therapist who can help you work through this.

blatantrereg

posted on this last night but deleted it as it was a bit rambly.

I used to do that myself. Changed during my teens before any encounters. Didn't know there was a name for it etc. The name is a bit dramatic tbh, which probably contributes to the distress you're feeling about it.

Nothing freakish about it. It's easy enough to correct if you put your mind to it. Focus on mental/visual stimulation to compensate for the decreased physical contact. Dont masturbate until you are fully aroused from mental/visual stimulation alone. Then just stay doing it in the conventional style, even if it takes a long time.

Delayed orgasm is not the worst problem to have for a guy anyway tbh. Probably more beneficial aspects to it than negative.

lynsalot

Only way you can change it is to do something about it. Use the advice given in the replies and see how u get on

LegacyUser

Hi op, just stumbled across this thread. I am the exact same as you, and have been doing it this way since the very start and Im now 20. I discovered a few years back that this had health effects but I just kind of shrugged them off and still do. So far there seems to be no problems but I guess I should stop this. I have also came across others online who are the same as us. Just thought Id post as its actually more commonly practiced than one would think.

LegacyUser

I have masturbated this way since I was old enough to do so. Knew it was rare, but till I read this thread never realised it had a name, had such side effects etc.

Taltos

TiltedBrain, BOHtox & tripe man - your posts have been deleted.
As well as reading our charter we expect you to fully read the OP and post in a civil and constructive manner.

Any breaches of our charter will be dealt with accordingly, with anything from an in thread warning like this all the way up to a ban. Please note bans can and are issued with no warnings depending on the perceived level of disregard shown for the OP and/or our charter and members.

Thanks
Taltos

As per our charter if you have an issue with this or any other mod ruling PM the mod, replying in thread taking the thread further off topic will result in a mod action.

cafecolour

Hmm. Well, there can be plenty of problems with hand-based masturbation too - if you only use the 'death grip' for instance, you might have the same difficulty with the much lighter pressure of a vagina. In general, advice is to vary the speed, style, and pressure when masturbating, so you don't become used to only one specific way.

And "Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome" - from what I can tell on the internet - is the invention of one doctor based on one internet study. Definitely try to vary your masturbation styles, but don't go assuming your sexlife is doomed based on one website. If anything, it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

LegacyUser

Thanks to the mod for deleting those two stupid posts, they contained exactly the kind of attitude that has led to so many people taking their own lives because of the hurt inflicted on them by others.
I am going to make a real effort to stop this way of masturbating and do it in a "normal" way. It's not going to be easy because I will have to masturabate less often. But I get really horny and this leads to a huge build-up of anxiety. When I have tried to cum by hand and I can't then I get really frustrated and give up and go back on the floor because I just have to get relief.
I will have to resist the temptation no matter how great it is. I would say if I came off the anti-depressants I could do it but I can't do that as I am scared my depression will come back. Thanks to those who have offered advice.

Morag

Well have you considered trying a male sex toy?
A fleshlight or one of the Tenga range of products?
Tenga do a range of one use toys which look like large kinder eggs when you order them
which have different sensations when you use them rather which is cheaper then the ones you can reuse.

http://www.amazon.com/Tenga-EGGVP001-Egg-Variety-Pack/dp/B002DE6SWA

LegacyUser

Sharrow wrote: »

Well have you considered trying a male sex toy?
A fleshlight or one of the Tenga range of products?
Tenga do a range of one use toys which look like large kinder eggs when you order them
which have different sensations when you use them rather which is cheaper then the ones you can reuse.

http://www.amazon.com/Tenga-EGGVP001-Egg-Variety-Pack/dp/B002DE6SWA

I bought something like that but it didn't do much for me.

lynsalot

I didn't read the abusive posts but clearly two very immature fools!!
Anyway whatever they said, I know I'd have no problem being in relationship with someone who had problems like this. nothing that can't be worked on. There's nothing physically wrong with you, it's just habit which means it can be broken... the habit not the equipment!!

I echo what a previous poster said about it potentially becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. If you let it become a huge issue, it will.

Did I mention before the possibility of trying to masturbate against something hard in your hand? I'm obviously female so not sure how one would go about doing this but i'm sure re-introducing a new method slowly will pay off.

LegacyUser

lynsalot wrote: »

I didn't read the abusive posts but clearly two very immature fools!!
Anyway whatever they said, I know I'd have no problem being in relationship with someone who had problems like this. nothing that can't be worked on. There's nothing physically wrong with you, it's just habit which means it can be broken... the habit not the equipment!!

I echo what a previous poster said about it potentially becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. If you let it become a huge issue, it will.

Did I mention before the possibility of trying to masturbate against something hard in your hand? I'm obviously female so not sure how one would go about doing this but i'm sure re-introducing a new method slowly will pay off.

Yes if I first tried using something hard in my hand it might make it easier at the start before I try to start using my hand on its own.
It's been an upsetting, stressful week thinking about it, I'm exhausted..

lostandfearful

Hi rolllo77

You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to achieve what you want. Don't let this issue overwhelm you.

I think you are letting this worry you too much about your future and future relationships. I know this is a genuine worry for you. We all have worries. Just don't let this get you down as much as you are and let it affect your mindset about your future.

I can only give you my opinion as a girl. I can assure you this will not be an issue that can't be solved and worked on in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares and loves you. Anyone that loves you for you will just want to satisfy you the way you like to be satisfied sexually. And vice versa. Everyone has different wants and needs in the bedroom but at the end of the day if you love someone you will be able to enjoy experimenting with what works. Don't let this affect your confidence. There are plenty of girls out there this would not be a problem for at all. Don't worry

Also being on anti-depressants, especially SSRI's, like the one you are on, as you know stop a lot of people from ever being able to achieve orgasm whilst on them. The fact you still can at all is even good. Don't beat yourself up. Treating the depression is more important really. Also it might be worthwhile asking your GP for advice about other anti-depressants on the market that do not have as much as an affect on one's ability to climax if you have not tried this already. There are other drugs that don't affect this as much. You do not need to come off anti-depressants altogether. I hope this helps somewhat

miec

Hi Op

I think first of be aware that anti-depressants are a killer when it comes to orgamising. I had a similar problem myself in the past with them and have had exs with the same issue (I am a female)

There has been some good advice given here so far and I would agree but also don't be hard on yourself, I believe we all masturbate in various ways. The way I self pleasured as a teenager is very different to how I do as an older woman, it changes with time. I believe the same will happen for you.