One girl, three guys...

LegacyUser

I'm in a bit of an odd situation at the moment.
I'm a girl in my early twenties. It all started over a year ago. I met a guy (I'll call him mr.1) on a night out. we kissed and he seemed nice. Over the n ext few months we would kiss whenever we both happened to be out and he used to text me all the time. He asked me to meet up after a while so I did. He wanted me to have sex with him in his car, I didn't want to go all the way but we still had a bit of fun. I texted him the next day and asked him what the story was and did he just want sex. He said no and got all annoyed and went all cold on me. We didn't talk for ages after that. I found him attractive but I wasn't bothered.
Then he started texting me every so often asking me to meet him again but it never happened as one of us always changed ours minds or was b usy etc. This time he made it clear that he was just out for the ride. This annoyed me as I don't mind having casual sex and it just pissed me off that before he thought he could be sneaky about it, obviously thinking I was dumb and wouldn't notice or something. We kissed a few times on nights out again.
Then I kissed his friend (mr.2) on another night out and he started texting me sometimes to meet up but I never did. I have kissed this guy about four times in all. Actually I kind of switched between the two of them and they didn't seem to care and either did I.

So then a few months ago I was out, drunk and I ended up sleeping with mr.1. He texted me next day and I assured him I was out looking for anything serious. He seemed to think that this meant we were friends with benefits or something.
Then I ended up with another of their friends (mr.3) one night recently. Had a bit of fun but no sex. Since then I have also kissed mr1 and 2! I kissed mr.1 last night and he texted me afterwards taking the piss asking for sex and I just laughed it off.
Mr.3 facebooked me today asking me to give him a chance but I just joked around about it.

Basically I have three friends all texting me at the same time looking to meet up but I never agree to meet any of them.
I think this is a bit messed up to be honest. None of them care or are jealous and I don't particulary care either. It's just turned into a game for them I think.... Who can get me! Sometimes it's a bit of a laugh for me too and it boosts my ego being in control.

Sometimes I'm a bit embarassed about the whole thing. I kind of feel like a slut even though I haven't done anything particularly bad. Should I stop this altogether, just choose one friend or what should I do about the whole thing. It's fun but maybe I've let it get out of control. Am I acting like a tramp?

Advice please!

robman60

I don't really know what advice you're looking for. You seem like a bit of headwreck if I'm honest.

woodchuck

I think this is a bit messed up to be honest.

Yes, it is. You've let it get that way.

Should I stop this altogether, just choose one friend or what should I do about the whole thing.

I'd stop completely if I was you. The only other option is to choose one of them, but if they all know you're carrying on with the 3 of them on the go at once I doubt any of them see you as anything more than a play thing.

ihsb

If they all know about each other then you are nothing serious to them. You are either someone they see as a bit of fun, or you are a game.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this but I get the feeling you don't care. As long as you are ok with it and no one is getting hurt then carry on. I would get out though, it is a messed up situation that I think will end badly.

LegacyUser

Ya, I am a headwreck!
It started out funny but now I think it's gone too far.
I'm pretty sure its game, they just don't realise that I know this. I'm always make sure i'm one step ahead.
Personnaly I don't know why they bother it's not like they are actually getting anything out it. It sounds worse all written out like that but this has happened over a year and a half period not just a few weeks.
Really I just want to know what would be the best way to get out of it.

blatantrereg

It sounds like you want validation rather than advice. Not sure if this is the right forum for that really.

Basically I have three friends all texting me at the same time looking to meet up but I never agree to meet any of them.....Who can get me! Sometimes it's a bit of a laugh for me too and it boosts my ego being in control.

This suggests you are a tease.

Be wary of being misleading. Be particularly wary if any of them seem to be getting emotionally involved. Dont let it go to your head too much.

gypsy_rose

It is a bit bad that they're all friends, but if they're not looking for anything serious and neither are you then I don't really see a problem. But since you're on this there must be a problem somewhere. Are you looking for assurance that this is OK or are you confused and don't know what to do? If it's upsetting you or you feel uncomfortable, I would personally either stop altogether or just focus on one of them, mainly because it's easier to manage! Sounds to me like you're just uncomfortable because this doesn't feel like a social norm to you, but as long as no one is getting hurt I don't think it's a problem.

Princess Peach

I had a friend in a similar situation before, had slept with a few guys in the same group of friends. In the end they had a bet going to see who would be the next to get with her.

Not saying thats going on here, but I really don't think they have much respect for you. I know its just a bit of fun for you, but have more respect for yourself and find a guy for whom you are more than just a game with friends, as you suspect you are with these lads.

Or maybe you like playing the game and having fun? You haven't really specified what you want, just have said you are sometimes embarrassed and feel like a slut. Is it making you feel good, or do these bad feelings outweigh it? Gotta decide what you want first.

LegacyUser

I guess what I should have included in my op is that I have apretty tough life and some really bad things have happened to me in the past. This started out as way of letting off steam and I liked the feeling of being lusted after. I got a bit of a high from it.
I can't handle being loved but I want to be wanted. Having a gang of guys after me ( and theres been more than these few) gives me a feeling control which I like, maybe because I have little control over other aspects of my life.
I feel it is a bit wrong to use them as toys whether they like me or not. I guess I just have the feeling that they are gaining the upper hand and I'm not in charge as much as I used to be.
Sounds stupid doesn't it?

Defiler Of The Coffin

odd situation wrote: »

Sometimes I'm a bit embarassed about the whole thing. I kind of feel like a slut even though I haven't done anything particularly bad. Should I stop this altogether, just choose one friend or what should I do about the whole thing. It's fun but maybe I've let it get out of control. Am I acting like a tramp?

If you're getting embarrassed about the whole thing then maybe it's time to stop. You don't have to 'choose' between any of them either. I don't see anything in your post that indicates much in the way of romantic feelings for any of these guys, nor for you in return. Terms like 'slut' and 'tramp' are completely subjective and not helpful in cases like these but the fact you mentioned them in relation to your own actions means that deep down you may not be comfortable with this situation. As you said yourself you haven't done anything wrong as such but if you are starting to get negative feelings about the whole thing then the best course of action may be to just forget about them all.

Other posters have mentioned that you may be using them to validate yourself, not really sure if this is the case but if so then this isn't the way to do it, you will find much more contentment with someone who will respect you!

Edit: Just seen the post above.

odd situation wrote: »

I can't handle being loved but I want to be wanted. Having a gang of guys after me ( and theres been more than these few) gives me a feeling control which I like, maybe because I have little control over other aspects of my life

Hmmm this bit would concern me. Doesn't seem at all healthy, I think there are deeper underlying issues here than simply stringing along a few guys. Have you ever been to a councillor?

Miss Fluff

odd situation wrote: »

I can't handle being loved but I want to be wanted. Having a gang of guys after me ( and theres been more than these few) gives me a feeling control which I like, maybe because I have little control over other aspects of my life.

Someone wanting to have sex with you in the back seat of their car does not equate to being wanted, certainly not in the way you think.

You seem a little misguided in thinking that these guys don't know about the other. Men talk so of course they do and now that Mr. 1 has finally gotten to first base the others will be after a piece of the action too.

You don't sound in control of the situation at all. You sound like a young girl who is really very lost. So many girls think that any attention is good attention and it couldn't be further from the truth. These blokes are a like a pack of dogs sniffing around you hoping you'll put out and because you're quite vulnerable then you see this as some type of validation. Were your problems related to sexual abuse by any chance? If so then you really should probably see a professional to clear your head. Having this kind of toxicity in your life is not doing you any good hon.

Konata

I was in a similiar situation to you a few years ago. I can also identify with your statement of not being able to handle being loved but wanting to be wanted. I had very low self-esteem at the time and for me it was all about feeling desirable and wanted by several guys.

However, it's never going to end well, not with any of them. These men don't respect you and they will never see you as 'relationship' material because of your behaviour. If a guy started kissing/sleeping around with you and several of your friends would you see him as a potential boyfriend? Most likely not.

My advice would be to do what I did and just cut contact with all of the men. For me it was really difficult as I was in a way 'addicted' to the attention but in the long run it only made me feel worse - feeling like a slut, knowing that none of them took me seriously etc. Stop moving in their circles, avoid them as much as possible and try to move on. Good luck

LegacyUser

Hi,thanks for all your replies!
I used to in control of the situation b ut now I think its after getting out of hand. They all now about everything that has happened. I was never under the illusion that any of it was a secret.
When I say I like to feel wanted, I like to feel physically wanted. If he /didnt want me physically he wouldnt have asked for sex in the back of his car. I don't want any emotional connection.

I was in an abusive relationship for a few years. The guy controlled my every move and went mental if another guy even looked at me. He was very very pushy sexually. He destroyed my life and my self esteem. He commited suicide when I finally left him. Obviously this has affected me very badly and I dont want to end up making things worse for myself by how I've been behaving lately.

snafuk35

Sometimes I'm a bit embarassed about the whole thing. I kind of feel like a slut even though I haven't done anything particularly bad.

Why should you feel embarrassed or feel like a slut or feel bad? You like these three guys and you are a young woman who likes sex. Do what you want to do.:) There's no right or wrong. Just what you do and what you don't.

analucija

There is no need to feel like a slut or a tease or whatever. But don't for a second think that you are in control. They are. You could be in control only if they would be emotionaly involved and you werent. From what I read i'm guessing it's you who is bringing emotions into the game. And it is just a game.

If you feel uncomfortable cut all contact and find three men that don't know eachother.

Wompa1

odd situation wrote: »

I guess what I should have included in my op is that I have apretty tough life and some really bad things have happened to me in the past. This started out as way of letting off steam and I liked the feeling of being lusted after. I got a bit of a high from it.
I can't handle being loved but I want to be wanted. Having a gang of guys after me ( and theres been more than these few) gives me a feeling control which I like, maybe because I have little control over other aspects of my life.
I feel it is a bit wrong to use them as toys whether they like me or not. I guess I just have the feeling that they are gaining the upper hand and I'm not in charge as much as I used to be.
Sounds stupid doesn't it?

It sounds like you never had the upper hand. When exactly did you have control and what equates to control to you? Sounds like you are a joke to them and considering there's three of them, you are probably a joke to a lot more people that they know. This could come back to bite you in a bad way. You never know who in your future may have heard about you in a bad light with your actions. Good luck though!

I am a friend

odd situation wrote: »

I'm always make sure i'm one step ahead.

How are you one step ahead?? you are the one being used by the 3 of them. Just stop meeting and texting all of them. When they text you just reply and say 'its been fun but I have met someone. good luck' and leave it at that.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

How are you one step ahead?? you are the one being used by the 3 of them. Just stop meeting and texting all of them. When they text you just reply and say 'its been fun but I have met someone. good luck' and leave it at that.

I've only met up with one of them sober over a year ago. Everything else has happened on nights out when I've been drunk.
I never chase after any of them and they have each been regulary told to f off when I'm not in the mood to put up with them.
I have never thrown myself at any of em and none of them are actually getting anything from me (apart from the odd shift here and there) ... and they never will... trust me!
I'm no fool but they have no idea that I'm wise to everything.
Sometimes I'd play along to their texts purely for amusement. I have no intention of ever doing anything more with any of them.
I'm not that nice to any of em either. My sis has funny nicknames for them and I've actually called mr.2 his fairly insulting nickname to his face.
They really have no idea that me and my friends rip the piss out of them just as much as they try to do with me.
I do have the upper hand sometimes, other times I don't. Thats what annoys me... theres a bit of a power struggle betwwen myself and mr.1.

It sounds all very immature, I know.... I guess I don't have that much excitement in my life. I honestly don't know why they bother. It's just after getting out of hand in my view. No possible way of avoiding them either!

minidazzler

odd situation wrote: »

Ya, I am a headwreck!
It started out funny but now I think it's gone too far.
I'm pretty sure its game, they just don't realise that I know this. I'm always make sure i'm one step ahead.
Personnaly I don't know why they bother it's not like they are actually getting anything out it. It sounds worse all written out like that but this has happened over a year and a half period not just a few weeks.
Really I just want to know what would be the best way to get out of it.

You're probably not one step ahead given they're all sharing information. And since they are getting "fun" out of it.

The best way out of it is simply text them all saying "It's been fun messing with you guys, but the show must not go on, I've bored of ye". You don't really have to worry about hurt feelings given they don't really care, it is just all for a laugh most likely.

Graciefacey

odd situation wrote: »

I am a friend wrote: »

How are you one step ahead?? you are the one being used by the 3 of them. Just stop meeting and texting all of them. When they text you just reply and say 'its been fun but I have met someone. good luck' and leave it at that.

I've only met up with one of them sober over a year ago. Everything else has happened on nights out when I've been drunk.
I never chase after any of them and they have each been regulary told to f off when I'm not in the mood to put up with them.
I have never thrown myself at any of em and none of them are actually getting anything from me (apart from the odd shift here and there) ... and they never will... trust me!
I'm no fool but they have no idea that I'm wise to everything.
Sometimes I'd play along to their texts purely for amusement. I have no intention of ever doing anything more with any of them.
I'm not that nice to any of em either. My sis has funny nicknames for them and I've actually called mr.2 his fairly insulting nickname to his face.
They really have no idea that me and my friends rip the piss out of them just as much as they try to do with me.
I do have the upper hand sometimes, other times I don't. Thats what annoys me... theres a bit of a power struggle betwwen myself and mr.1.

It sounds all very immature, I know.... I guess I don't have that much excitement in my life. I honestly don't know why they bother. It's just after getting out of hand in my view. No possible way of avoiding them either!

You really need to grow up. It's Ireland, lads talk, word spreads and whether you care or not you'll have a reputation. As for not doing anything with them, you slept with the first fella so the other two are literally waiting for you to put out. Imagine when you meet 'mister right'.

Rosy Posy

I can see where you're coming from, OP. Many years ago I came out of an (emotionally and mentally) abusive relationship and went thru a similar phase. My ex had made me feel powerless and also put me down over my appearance (making me diet and wear lots of make up) and so (I felt) to put myself back on an even keel I behaved in a sluttish way. I didn't care about the guys, I was using them to make myself feel attractive and powerful. But this was a half measure. The real damage of the abuse was to my self respect and by acting in this way I was just perpetuating it. You need to learn that you are a person worthy of respect and love and to feel love and respect for yourself first off, then demand it from those with whom you have relationships. It is a tough journey so don't be afraid to ask for help from friends or a counsellor.

Apart from this, by distracting yourself with these meaningless, empty encounters you may let the real love of your life, the man who will value you as you deserve, walk by.

Best of luck, op.

Sleepy

None of these guys are interested in you, friends don't compete for girl's they like, they compete for the trophy/orgasm.

Be *very* careful playing the tease. While it wouldn't in any sane person's mind justify a rapist's actions, it can place you in a position where you're susceptible to them and rapists are far more likely to be casual acquaintances or even friends than strangers down dark alleys.

My advice would be to take some time to yourself. Stop using guys for validation of your self worth and try and find it in yourself (with professional help if necessary).

thefeatheredcat

odd situation wrote: »

This started out as way of letting off steam and I liked the feeling of being lusted after. I got a bit of a high from it.
I can't handle being loved but I want to be wanted. Having a gang of guys after me ( and theres been more than these few) gives me a feeling control which I like, maybe because I have little control over other aspects of my life.

odd situation wrote: »

I was in an abusive relationship for a few years. The guy controlled my every move and went mental if another guy even looked at me. He was very very pushy sexually. He destroyed my life and my self esteem

OP you are mistaking that you are in control and have power over these guys... which probably compensates for being in an abusive relationship in which you had no control or power.

You may feel that you have power over them in that you can offer up to them what they want and then snatching it away from them, but really you're not in a position of power or control of any meaning or substance regarding the whole situation as you are not in control of your own behaviour and actions and that they can freely come and go as they like and you gloss over that they're not really that bothered one way or another that you're not giving them sex and you will probably only realise that when they get bored with this "game" and just not bother with you any more and then you start up the whole process again in gaining their attention and presenting yourself as interested which may leave you with them not falling for a second round.

I think you need to treat yourself more respectfully because it's you that's going to get hurt in all this. If you want power and control in your life, look for healthier ways in taking back control and power in your life.

Idle Passerby

odd situation wrote: »

I've only met up with one of them sober over a year ago. Everything else has happened on nights out when I've been drunk.
I never chase after any of them and they have each been regulary told to f off when I'm not in the mood to put up with them.
I have never thrown myself at any of em and none of them are actually getting anything from me (apart from the odd shift here and there) ... and they never will... trust me!
I'm no fool but they have no idea that I'm wise to everything.
Sometimes I'd play along to their texts purely for amusement. I have no intention of ever doing anything more with any of them.
I'm not that nice to any of em either. My sis has funny nicknames for them and I've actually called mr.2 his fairly insulting nickname to his face.
They really have no idea that me and my friends rip the piss out of them just as much as they try to do with me.
I do have the upper hand sometimes, other times I don't. Thats what annoys me... theres a bit of a power struggle betwwen myself and mr.1.

It sounds all very immature, I know.... I guess I don't have that much excitement in my life. I honestly don't know why they bother. It's just after getting out of hand in my view. No possible way of avoiding them either!

I dont think any of this sounds like you being in control of a game. It sounds like you being swept along by some very scant and non committal male attention. When you tell them to F off, I doubt any of them feel they have missed out on anything, so your not holding any power here. Your just some girl who might put out for them, and if not for them than one of their friends. None of them are ever likely to have much respect for you knowing your being juggled between a bunch of their friends.

You are being with guys that you dont even like as people. Your calling them nasty names to their face and you think that makes you in control but it actually makes it very clear you have so little respect for yourself that you will continually go back to guys who you dont even like and who you admit are taking the piss out of you.

I know when your going through a rough time some attention can do wonders for your self esteem but I think this situation will only do harm to your sense of self worth in the long run. If you want to "get one step ahead of them" stop engaging with all three and focus on more healthy ways to boost your self esteem.

ibarelycare

Graciefacey wrote: »

You really need to grow up. It's Ireland, lads talk, word spreads and whether you care or not you'll have a reputation. As for not doing anything with them, you slept with the first fella so the other two are literally waiting for you to put out. Imagine when you meet 'mister right'.

What about when she meets "mister right"? So she fooled around with a few guys, big deal. It's not like she had an orgy with the three of them, and even if she did, it's no one else's business. If people start talking about her behind her back for kissing three guys a few times and sleeping with one of them then they're just narrow minded busybodies with nothing better to do with their lives.



Anyway OP, you said yourself it's all quite immature. It really is. Both parties are playing games here and I really don't know why you're bothering with the whole situation. As someone else said, these guys don't respect you. There's no problem with you wanting to have fun and kiss/sleep with guys, but there are plenty of men out there who you could do that with AND who'd respect you. You don't even like them, you say nasty things about them behind their backs (seriously, what age are you?) and yet you keep going back to them.

Just stop texting them, stop hooking up with them and move on.

LegacyUser

Rosy Posy wrote: »

I can see where you're coming from, OP. Many years ago I came out of an (emotionally and mentally) abusive relationship and went thru a similar phase. My ex had made me feel powerless and also put me down over my appearance (making me diet and wear lots of make up) and so (I felt) to put myself back on an even keel I behaved in a sluttish way. I didn't care about the guys, I was using them to make myself feel attractive and powerful. But this was a half measure. The real damage of the abuse was to my self respect and by acting in this way I was just perpetuating it. You need to learn that you are a person worthy of respect and love and to feel love and respect for yourself first off, then demand it from those with whom you have relationships. It is a tough journey so don't be afraid to ask for help from friends or a counsellor.

Apart from this, by distracting yourself with these meaningless, empty encounters you may let the real love of your life, the man who will value you as you deserve, walk by.

Best of luck, op.

It's nice to hear from someone who understands how it feels.
My ex was different to yours as he wouldn't let me wear make up or wear nice clothes in case any other guy looked at me. If they did it would be my fault. He really destroyed my life. A lot more happened then what I've said here but I won't go into it as it's a long story and some people might find it a bit messed up.
I think once the control ended the freedom went to my head and I ended up like this. Even though this guy was horrible I feel like hes a huge hole in my life. I don't think it can be filled with getting phsical with loads of men.
Even if all this were to stop tomorrow I'd still feel terrible about myself and still wouldn't be handle a nice guy.
Seriously I just wouldn't know what to do if a fella was nice to me and respected me. It would feel too wierd. I think I'm too much like damaged goods now to find anyone nice anyway.

Just one extra thing that annoys me about the situation is the one of these fellas did something similar to me with a group of girls and it still reflected badly on the girls and not him. The girl is always the one in the wrong, whos a joke and gets a bad rep.

Defiler Of The Coffin

odd situation wrote: »

It's nice to hear from someone who understands how it feels.
My ex was different to yours as he wouldn't let me wear make up or wear nice clothes in case any other guy looked at me. If they did it would be my fault. He really destroyed my life. A lot more happened then what I've said here but I won't go into it as it's a long story and some people might find it a bit messed up.
I think once the control ended the freedom went to my head and I ended up like this. Even though this guy was horrible I feel like hes a huge hole in my life. I don't think it can be filled with getting phsical with loads of men.
Even if all this were to stop tomorrow I'd still feel terrible about myself and still wouldn't be handle a nice guy.
Seriously I just wouldn't know what to do if a fella was nice to me and respected me. It would feel too wierd. I think I'm too much like damaged goods now to find anyone nice anyway.

Would you consider counselling? You should really talk these issues over with a trained professional. The three guys in this case aren't the main problem.

Rosy Posy

odd situation wrote: »

It's nice to hear from someone who understands how it feels.
My ex was different to yours as he wouldn't let me wear make up or wear nice clothes in case any other guy looked at me. If they did it would be my fault. He really destroyed my life. A lot more happened then what I've said here but I won't go into it as it's a long story and some people might find it a bit messed up.
I think once the control ended the freedom went to my head and I ended up like this. Even though this guy was horrible I feel like hes a huge hole in my life. I don't think it can be filled with getting phsical with loads of men.
Even if all this were to stop tomorrow I'd still feel terrible about myself and still wouldn't be handle a nice guy.
Seriously I just wouldn't know what to do if a fella was nice to me and respected me. It would feel too wierd. I think I'm too much like damaged goods now to find anyone nice anyway.

Just one extra thing that annoys me about the situation is the one of these fellas did something similar to me with a group of girls and it still reflected badly on the girls and not him. The girl is always the one in the wrong, whos a joke and gets a bad rep.

I know what you mean about feeling like you are damaged and undeserving of love and respect from a decent person. I felt like this for a long time after coming out of the relationship and even put myself in situations that were inviting people to use me again. Its a weird thing, like a beacon. I remember at the age of twenty feeling like I had to stay with the pr1ck for the rest of my life because I would never get anyone better and he had broken my confidence so much that I felt like I couldn't be alone. Ridiculous when I had my whole life ahead of me. What you need to understand and believe is that it will get better if you build yourself up again. Surround yourself with good people who care about you and learn to discriminate between the kind of people who are going to bring you down and those who will help you up. I know it seems like it will never happen but my best advice to you would be that while you're in this frame of mind give the lads a rest for a while and concentrate on your self and your support network. You've done nothing wrong to deserve a bad reputation, people will always talk but they move on. Learn to hold your head high and fcuk the whispers. I conducted myself in a far more shameful manner than you have and had to deal with the scorn of others, but at the end of the day I'm married to a decent and respectful man who knows all about my past and doesn't give a fiddlers. Don't right yourself off too soon op, your feelings are still raw. And, as others have posted, it would really help for you to talk about the abuse and your ex's passing, either to a sympathetic friend or a counsellor. You may think its a bit messed up but I guarantee that there is someone out there who's been through it too and holding it inside yourself like a shameful secret is not going to help you to get the closure you need.

Best of luck op.

Graciefacey

What I'm saying about 'mister right' is that there are very few degrees of separation in Ireland particularly in small towns. People gossip, label and that label can stick for years. There is every indication here that these guys are dragging the ops name through the dirt.

ibarelycare

Graciefacey wrote: »

What I'm saying about 'mister right' is that there are very few degrees of separation in Ireland particularly in small towns. People gossip, label and that label can stick for years. There is every indication here that these guys are dragging the ops name through the dirt.

If someone is going to give her a "label" for kissing three guys that know each other then he doesn't really sound like "Mr Right" then does he? Very narrow minded attitude.

Katgurl

Op I feel concern at your second post about needing to feel wanted. I agree with other posters who suggested counselling, give it a whirl.

Stop texting the three lads. You are right, you haven't done anything wrong but (something inappropriate coming) guys can be f***king pricks in these situations. Once upon a time one or two of them probably liked you but now they are too busy with their apelike carryon, you've ceased to be anything but a game for them. Just step away, don't answer their messages, be friendly and dismissive when you see them. It's a ****ty and unfair fact but double standards do exist, they will label you with a rep and you'll find it almost impossible to shake. They are not worth the hassle. Individually you don't even like any of them!

Hang out with your own friends, look into the counselling and wait for someone to come along who is worth the bother.

I may have read this wrong, but these three guys know they are having "fun" with you. To me, three guys knowingly having sex/fooling around (i.e. kissing) with the one girl is.. slightly odd, if not bordering on the creepy.

OP, there is nothing wrong with sleeping around. Heck, I've done my fair share, but the important thing is - never keep it in the same circle of friends. You're just going to gain a lot of complications that just weren't needed.

Bambii_

I think you should stop completely. Stay in contact as friends if you like, but I think if you choose one of them to get into a relationship with they won't fully respect you or will just use you for sex, considering how you've acted with the three of them. It could be just a game between the three of them, and once one of them gets you they might all loose interest. Honestly I don't think its worth the effort. You should drop the three of them and start a fresh with a decent guy that will respect you.

Graciefacey

ibarelycare wrote: »

Graciefacey wrote: »

What I'm saying about 'mister right' is that there are very few degrees of separation in Ireland particularly in small towns. People gossip, label and that label can stick for years. There is every indication here that these guys are dragging the ops name through the dirt.

If someone is going to give her a "label" for kissing three guys that know each other then he doesn't really sound like "Mr Right" then does he? Very narrow minded attitude.

Hmm well its not just kissing tho is it? And lads stories tend to grow legs. They are treating her like a plaything and she is letting herself be treated this way for a confidence boost and to feel wanted. Counselling is more in line because these guys are dicks and are totally taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable

LegacyUser

Would completely ignoring them all be best next time I see them? Or should I talk to them a bit? It's awkward because they would be in my wider social circle. I just want to get out of this with whatever dignity I have left!

ihsb

I would be friendly, say hi and smile but not engage in conversation with them. That way they get the idea but you are not making anything uncomfortable between you and your social circle.

Taltos

Stay polite - but firm.
"Look we had some fun but it is time to move on."
if pushed
"I want more for myself than just a bit of fun - thanks but I feel I've grown up since then".

Being rejected be prepared for the typical reaction - name calling, being extra pushy etc - just stay calm and safe and don't show any weakness. They will soon get the message.