boyfriend stuck in a rut

LegacyUser

Ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2yrs. Since we started going out hes been slowly letting himself go from fairly early on. Stopped going to the gym, gaining weight, hardly ever sees his friends, plays too much computer games. He knows its a problem but cant seem to do anything about it. Im worried and at the same time its not attractive and i feel like hes not the guy I fell in love with

I had a serious talk with him about how worried i was and things improved for a while, he went back to the gym for about a week and went for a night out with the lads. But it didnt last and now its as bad as ever

So I need to bring this up again. But I dont know what I can say - Im sure he's really down about this and really sensitive about the weight thing, but I still need to make it clear that I cant put up with this forever. i dont want to make him feel worse. I dont know if I should be more supportive or give him an ultimatum or what. I guess that sounds really insensitive but really Ive just lost patience. ANy ideas?

ando

Yep, tell him you're not happy and are finding yourself less attracted to him. He needs a proper kick up the back side. He's taking the easy route but its not The healthy route. He needs a life outside the relationship as do u. It's too easy to lose contact with friends n others are right when they say he prolly is not trying cause he knows he has you. If that relationship itself is under threat then I'd say he'll really try

ando

Oh but give it time, don't expect a massive turn around in weeks, it cud be a few months before u notice big changes. A little at a time is what is needed now, once u can see progress it's good

micar

Hi

Is it a possibility that he's suffering from slight depression? Only putting it out there.

It seems that he's closed himself off. What about his family/job... Anything in his life that he's not happy about.

You really should not give him any ultimatum. You say that he's used to the gym. I think you should do something new together that's some form of exercise. How about going out running together, playing tennis along as it's something enjoyable.
This would increase the endorphins which might help.

Micar

mcmacness

I was in a similar situation a few months back. After doing everything I could think of I had to make the very hard decision to break up with him. Its true what they say, you cant change someone and you cant help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I would say look after yourself first and foremost in this, going out with someone like this and being completely taken for granted can be very debillatating to your self esteem.

Yes you want to help him and its probably a sign of depression but sometimes people dont want to be helped, and where I dont agree with the ultimatum thing I was a victim of the "I will change, just give me a couple of months" spiel. Multiple times. It never happened.

Best of luck.