So confused right now!

Jen Pigs Fly

Ok so I'm incredibly confused at the moment, I'll just go through what happened and hopefully someone can let me know what/(or why) my (ex?) boyfriend is thinking and why he's doing this!

So for the last few weeks of our relationship things have been tense, he has been annoyed about work, i've been stressed about college and finding out some very bad news about my granny. So basically we barely saw each other for 2 weeks. Then on friday 20th April he sends me this text 'I don't want to be in this relationship or whatever you want to call this'. I ask for an explaination, nothing untill Sunday. he basically tells me that he's not settled here and wants to find a new job, and that I'm the same. I'm finishing college in may and I have no idea where I'll be either. I understood that. he said he wants to clear his head and figure out what he wants.

So we agreed to go on a break. He said he's not interested in seeing anyone else but that I was allowed to see someone else If I wanted to - I havn't since, and I've no real interest at the moment either.

Funny thing is, since then he has been texting me a lot more, being a lot more chatty and open. he revealed to me that he hasn't told anyone he was single and told me he wouldn't go home with a girl if she were to throw herself at him. I do believe him and trust him when he says this.

On friday last, I asked him for a lift to naas - nothing unusal I get the bus from there to college on fridays. So anyway i go to leave the car and then he calls me back and kisses me. I said 'I thought we wern't doing this anymore' and he just gave me a look. I had to run so we didn't get to talk about it.

later on he texts me saying 'you wern't really into giving me a kiss' where I basically replied 'I wanted to, but I didnt think you wanted to'. He said he was 'just used to it (with a smily face)'? I basically told him that I didn't want the break up, he just said 'its a pity youre not finished college and a bit more settled'. Which makes me wonder if he's scared to get involved with me in case I have to move away/abroad? he asked me if I was texting other lads and I said i was not. (and I'm not)

I'm just so confused as to all of this. He has initiated all contact, and because we decided to stay friends I can't just ignore him. I was in the gym last wednesday and he went out of his way to talk to me - I was on the very last threadmill at the opposite end from the weights area where he would be.

Can anyone give me any idea as to what he may want/may be thinking? it was the kiss on friday that really messed me up in the head, I was fine up until then.

R.D. aka MR.D

How long have you two been going out?

It's very strange that you would decide all this via text without meeting up to discuss it unless you were only seeing each other a few months.

If thats the case and it's only been a few weeks or months he sounds like a bit of a headwrecker and you might be better off without him.

If it's a longer relationship you really need to get together and talk it over.

Jen Pigs Fly

We've been seeing each other unofficially since August, but only really officially together a few months.

it's just an incredibly annoying situation.:(

And he's out right now, and I know he's probably off dancing and kissing other girls and it's making me feel physically sick thinking about it.

R.D. aka MR.D

What was he like before he decided to call it off?

Is there a possibility that because you were busy and not paying attention to him he decided to create all this drama?

He definitely seems to be playing some sort of game especially with kissing you as you were getting out of the car. Is he normally like that?

How do you know he's out? Did he text you to tell you?

_dublinlad_

Very hard to tell what he is truely thinking.

More then likely he just needed some space, with everything going on in his life somehow he saw you as not helping him through it. He may have thought to himself that if he cuts you out that he will have some breathing space to relax a bit more. Then when the contact stoped he realised that you where only bringing good things in his life and realised he wanted you back.

Maybe the uncertainty over your future is worrying him also. Maybe he thinks you may have to emigrate or move to a different county and inevitabley break up so he is maybe getting there before you. Sounds stupid but I have seen the likes of it before.

This is only my opinion but - if I was to say to a girl, when asking to go on a break, that she can see other guys if she wants - I could not possibly love that girl or even have any strong feelings for her. If he did, he would not have said that. But thats just me.

Jen Pigs Fly

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

What was he like before he decided to call it off?

Is there a possibility that because you were busy and not paying attention to him he decided to create all this drama?

He definitely seems to be playing some sort of game especially with kissing you as you were getting out of the car. Is he normally like that?

How do you know he's out? Did he text you to tell you?

We did loads of stuff together, we have the same interests so it was grand. As we kinda get more used to each other we stopped doing as much stuff together. We still went swimming/gym etc together. He was always at me to be more independent though, which I was. He had spent a few years before this being single and just being able to do what he wanted to do whenever he wanted to do it.

he told me he was heading out. He texted me earlier but then stopped. 2 hours later I get a text 'heading out now'

Jen Pigs Fly

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Very hard to tell what he is truely thinking.

More then likely he just needed some space, with everything going on in his life somehow he saw you as not helping him through it. He may have thought to himself that if he cuts you out that he will have some breathing space to relax a bit more. Then when the contact stoped he realised that you where only bringing good things in his life and realised he wanted you back.

Maybe the uncertainty over your future is worrying him also. Maybe he thinks you may have to emigrate or move to a different county and inevitabley break up so he is maybe getting there before you. Sounds stupid but I have seen the likes of it before.

This is only my opinion but - if I was to say to a girl, when asking to go on a break, that she can see other guys if she wants - I could not possibly love that girl or even have any strong feelings for her. If he did, he would not have said that. But thats just me.

I asked him if we were going on an exclusive break, because I wanted to know if he was planning on sleeping around. he said he wasn't planning on anything like that because he just wasnt interested at the time, but said that I could if i really wanted to. I asked him that because it will kill me to find out he was off with other people while I was sitting at home waiting for the phone to buzz.

Ironic thing is, I think it's happening now .. I'm just sitting at home while he's probably out doing who knows what to whoever.

R.D. aka MR.D

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

he told me he was heading out. He texted me earlier but then stopped. 2 hours later I get a text 'heading out now'

This is whats making me think he is a bit of a headwrecker. Why would he be doing that? Just to make some sort of point?

What do you want to happen? Do you know that you want to get back together with him desperately or are you trying to figure out if you should?

Personally I i were you, the next time he texts me then I would say lets meet up and discuss this or lets have no contact for 2 weeks exactly and see how we feel then.

R.D. aka MR.D

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

Ironic thing is, I think it's happening now .. I'm just sitting at home while he's probably out doing who knows what to whoever.

unless he is generally a ladies man and always has been he most likely isn't. I know what it feels like to have those thoughts running through your head but it's normally just some exaggerated version of an unlikely scenario.

Try to relax and forget about him. Whatever is happening right now (which is probably nothing) you can't change it with worrying.

Jen Pigs Fly

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

This is whats making me think he is a bit of a headwrecker. Why would he be doing that? Just to make some sort of point?

What do you want to happen? Do you know that you want to get back together with him desperately or are you trying to figure out if you should?

Personally I i were you, the next time he texts me then I would say lets meet up and discuss this or lets have no contact for 2 weeks exactly and see how we feel then.

I've thought about it and I do want to get back with him, I never wanted to break up in the first place. But I don't want him to feel like he's being forced into being with me either.

he's at home at the moment, he's not from where he's living so he goes home every odd weekend. I think I may have to ask for a face to face meeting because I am in a mess over this.

_dublinlad_

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

I asked him if we were going on an exclusive break, because I wanted to know if he was planning on sleeping around. he said he wasn't planning on anything like that because he just wasnt interested at the time, but said that I could if i really wanted to. I asked him that because it will kill me to find out he was off with other people while I was sitting at home waiting for the phone to buzz.

Ironic thing is, I think it's happening now .. I'm just sitting at home while he's probably out doing who knows what to whoever.

As with my previous post, I could not say those words to someone I was truely interested in. Can you imagine yourself saying that to someone you really and truely liked/loved? ....Giving them permission to get with someone else, can you?

Jen Pigs Fly

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

As with my previous post, I could not say those words to someone I was truely interested in. Can you imagine yourself saying that to someone you really and truely liked/loved? ....Giving them permission to get with someone else, can you?

I honestly don't know to be honest. Probably not, but I could see myself saying it to try to make someone get on with their life even if it kills me inside to say it.

Jen Pigs Fly

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

unless he is generally a ladies man and always has been he most likely isn't. I know what it feels like to have those thoughts running through your head but it's normally just some exaggerated version of an unlikely scenario.

Try to relax and forget about him. Whatever is happening right now (which is probably nothing) you can't change it with worrying.

You're probably right, it's his home town so his old friends don't get to see him much. I'm probably just over reacting, but sometimes your imagination does run away with ya haha ...

Apparently he has a reputation about being a player in his home town, but I don't really know what he was like before me to honestly say if he was a ladies man or not. When he was with me, no texting other girls/no flirting/no funny business at all.

R.D. aka MR.D

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

I honestly don't know to be honest. Probably not, but I could see myself saying it to try to make someone get on with their life even if it kills me inside to say it.

I've said that to some one before, we'd been together 3 years. I said it because I thought it was what he wanted to hear and if i'm completely honest I wanted to gauge his reaction.

_dublinlad_

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

I honestly don't know to be honest. Probably not, but I could see myself saying it to try to make someone get on with their life even if it kills me inside to say it.

Why would you want them to get on with there life if you where crazy about them and wanted them to be with you?

Listen its really this simple. You need to sit him down and say do you want to be together or not. No breaks, no maybe's, no "maybe in time". You need a black or white answer. By the sound of it you need it soon.

Obviously I dont know the lad or the full situation but the fact that he sent you that text saying he is heading out now, and the kiss after leaving the car makes me think that he is just a plain dick who is simply playing you for a fool. Some guys like to know they are in full control of a girl and her emotions, and enjoy knowing they can do hurtful things without consequences because the girl will always stand by him... you deserve respect, I suggest you get it as soon as possible!

Jen Pigs Fly

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Why would you want them to get on with there life you you where crazy about them and wanted them to be with you?

Listen its really this simple. You need to sit him down and say do you want to be together or not. No breaks, no maybe's, no "maybe in time". You need a black or white answer. By the sound of it you need it soon.

Obviously I dont know the lad or the full situatioon but the fact that he sent you that text saying he is heading out now, and the kiss after leaving the car makes me think that he is just a plain dick you is simply playing you for a fool. Some guys like to know they are in full control of a girl and her emotions, and enjoy knowing they can do hurtful things without consequences because the girl will always stand by him... you deserve respect, I suggest you get it as soon as possible!

As much as I hate to say it, you make a really good point. I think I may need to sit this lad down and find out what he wants no humming or hawing, because it's truely wrecking my head now.

Neyite

I'm guessing that he does not want a girlfriend, but is hedging his bets by hanging onto you anyway. Its ok if he is not sure what he wants - its not ok to mess with your feelings, and play hot and cold.

dont take any of this "break" or "exclusive break" nonsense. If he is not sure he wants to be with you, take that as your cue to move on.

rbag

It sounds like he wants to keep his options open.

He wants to go off with other women but wants to keep you there waiting in the background as a fall back while he has fun.

Don't let him use you.

The 'staying friends' thing is just his way of keeping the door open.

Personally I would consider the relationship over. Maybe send him a text to that effect but don't go running after him asking him to meet up. You're just prolonging the agony for yourself and at the same time boosting his ego.

If you're finishing up college divert your energy into that.

How can he give his girlfriend permission to go off and sleep with other men??? Seriously. I'd say he is saying that because he wants to go off and sleep with other women. You know you deserve better than that.

fits

you've posted about him before OP havent you? It sounded like he was cheating on you then.

He sounds like an absolute headwrecker to be honest, and I think you'd be well rid of him.

Da Shins Kelly

I wouldn't be so inclined to believe that he's messing you around intentionally (I don't know the guy, so I can't say definitively that that is what he's doing), however, his behaviour is clearly having an effect on you. Like everyone has said already, you need to have a face-to-face chat with him and sort it out. I suggest you give him an ultimatum - is it on or is it off? If he says he doesn't know or wants to wait and see or thinks you should remain on a break, then I think you should just call it quits. I respect that he may be a bit confused himself, but until he sorts that out in his own head, then you're better off apart and doing your own thing. It's not fair to keep stringing you along if he doesn't even know what he wants, and it'll save you a lot of trouble. He might also be doing this deliberately, in which case you're well rid.

Idle Passerby

I dont think he's into being in a committed relationship. He wants something quite casual from you by the sounds of it. He doesnt mind if your with other people and he still thinks its ok to kiss you. These are not the actions of a man who has strong feelings. If your happy to be friends with benefits then I guess its fine, but if you want a real relationship, I dont think he's the right man for you.