feeling very down about relationships

cliona8969

right i'm 28 years of age and i have no clue who i want to spend the rest of my life with...

i'm puzzled with all the couples getting married and being so sure of themselves while i still feel like a teenager. i have had 2 boyfriends and while initially both started with me falling madly in love, they both fizzled out within 4-5 years. i'm now scared as how can you ever be so sure? i might meet a man tomorrow, fall in love but then in a few years maybe i'll feel unsure again. this uncertainty seems to kick in with me. i feel in my experience all my relationships have a shelf life so i'm terrified at the prospect of marriage. however i feel stressed and pressured as i'm getting on.. i'm 28 going on 29 in october. i should be with the man i'm going to marry now or maybe i'll never be able to have kids. any suggestions?

_dublinlad_

cliona8969 wrote: »

right i'm 28 years of age and i have no clue who i want to spend the rest of my life with...

i'm puzzled with all the couples getting married and being so sure of themselves while i still feel like a teenager. i have had 2 boyfriends and while initially both started with me falling madly in love, they both fizzled out within 4-5 years. i'm now scared as how can you ever be so sure? i might meet a man tomorrow, fall in love but then in a few years maybe i'll feel unsure again. this uncertainty seems to kick in with me. i feel in my experience all my relationships have a shelf life so i'm terrified at the prospect of marriage. however i feel stressed and pressured as i'm getting on.. i'm 28 going on 29 in october. i should be with the man i'm going to marry now or maybe i'll never be able to have kids. any suggestions?

Im a guy and a little younger then you so my perspective may be a little different here.

Firstly, I dont think you are aware of how many people are in the same boat as you. That may not sound comforting but its a fact. As I see it love is all about luck, your friends just happen to be luckier in love then you (at the moment). I know plenty of girls your age and well into their 30's and they are still in the same boat. Sure im 26 and thinking like this after a couple long term relationships fizzled out. It is VERY common to think like this.

I think the worst possible thing to do is to panic. Stop thinking about that ticking clock. Dont let relationships go past the 6 month mark if you cant picture yourself having children with them. I know you say that you fall madly in love with them for the first part and then it dies, but maybe you have to think deeper about guys in the new relationship phase.

Keep on improving youself, work out more, eat healhtier, take up new hobbies, be more positive. Try not to think that your out there trying to find the love of your life - insted try and tell yourself there are many many guys out their that could be the love of your life and they are looking for you.

All the best.

midnight_train

Oh my gosh, I totally understand how you feel - same way for me, and I always use that expression 'shelf life' for relationships, too!

+1 to the advice given by the 26-year-old guy above.

Sorry I don't have much more to add except that 28 (and 29 :-) is still young, it really is, so don't be getting stressed about getting older just yet. And definitely agree with the above advice of cutting things off at 6 months if you don't see marriage/kids in the picture. Don't ignore red flags and don't let relationships with a shelf life of 2 months turn into 2 years. Waste of time!

Good luck xx

I am a friend

As the other said, I wouldnt, at 28, be letting relationships drag into years if you are uncertain.. People will disagree but I personally think if you dont know you want to marry them within a year, then you dont.