Help please? Worrying Situation and need help/advice

LegacyUser

Folks looking for some advice here on a situation that is I feel in danger of spiralling out of control.
I apologise for the long post but I want to give a bit of background.
Its as if its a bloody soap opera!
But I am starting to worry about whether there may be some danger here.

Back in July I started txting and eventually sexting with a girl(Girl A) I useta work with.
In the meantime a friend and I hooked up and I put a stop to the contact with girl A but she wouldn't let it lie and kept pushing me to meet her.
Saying that she didn't believe it was over til she heard it from me...(This I know should have set off alarms)

Anyway in August I was out with friends and ran into her and we had the face to face chat she wanted.
I told her i thought she was lovely but there was never going to be a relationship between us.
When I left she tried to kiss me(and more) but I stopped her and said goodbye.

Fast forward to October and Girl B emigrates
Leaving me in a heap to be honest and out of the blue Girl A
Gets in contact and wants to meet up.....
Foolishly(and in need of an ego boost) I met her for a drink, and we ended up having sex.

Now after we met, her friends contacted me and explained a few things about her situation.
She was described to me as ''bloody mental'' and ''dangerous'' and ''apart from anything else the fact that she is still living with her boyfriend while pushing to hook up with you should paint a fairly clear picture of the kind of woman she is''
Now these are quotes from a msg I received from girl A's best friend!

So I pulled her on the fact that i wasn't into playing games or being a 'cheat'
And that petty as it sounds, I believe a person's friends are a good measure of a person.
And if her friends have that low an opinion of her, that frankly she's not someone I want to know.
I thought that was the end of it
How wrong was I!!!!

At the end of Jan, I come to terms with the fact that Girl B is gone...
And I met up with an old workmate of mine and we started dating and its developing nicely
But a pic was tagged on FB of the 2 of us together....
Leading to Girl A having a fairly abusive episode where she went off on one
accusing Girl C of being the girl who 'poisoned' me against her and more besides.

About a week later(Early Feb) I ran into Girl A and laid it out very clearly that I wanted no contact with her,
that there was never going to be an 'us' and to leave me alone!
This conversation ended with her asking me to kiss her goodbye and telling me to call round to hers if I was ever Lonely!!!!
I refused obviously and thought that was that....

In the meantime I've had a range of msgs, ranging from 'i'm sorry' to 'F**k you and her(Girl C)...If I ever run into ye I'll make ye so sorry''
to msgs asking me ''is its true that you and girl C are going out?''
Now the msgs regarding Girl C are worrying as she knows we are, and even last night there was another!
I've responded to none of these and won't as I believe that me responding is just encouraging her.

I have told Girl C about the situation, and told her that if she wanted to leave things lie between us I totally understood as noone needs that kind of drama in their life...
And that if/when it got messed up between us I'd at least like it to my fault....
Luckily Girl C agreed that Girl A should have no effect on what happens between us

But now I'm at a stage where the contact from Girl A isn't stopping(and is getting delusional and threatening).
I haven't responded/spoken to Girl A since the meeting in Feb and she just will not let it go.
The threats have me worried, more for girl C than myself...
I'm a big boy and can deal with my own mistakes but I don't know how to handle this other than confrontation, and confrontation in this situation is a bad idea.
Any ideas on how to proceed?
Solicitor?
Gardaí?

tis a fine line

Hi op,

Sorry for your situation, it is sounding scary. I had a similar problem with ex-boyfriend last year, with threatening, insulting texts. Then one morning i got up to find he had taken it one step further and actually came around my house in the middle of the night to cause destruction to my property.

Anyway, i called the gardaí and they informed me they could do nothing because i had no proof it was him. However, when i showed the gaurd the texts, he showed me the legislation that was brought in recently where it is clearly stated that people can be prosecuted for sending abusive texts.

So, i would advise you to call the gardaí, tell them the story, show them the texts, and ask them to pay her an informal visit, warning her that you will prosecute if they continue.

This is exactly what i did and i haven't heard a cook since At the back of it all, abusive people are cowards.

Best wishes

Neyite

I think you are being too hard on yourself here. While you may not have covered yourself in glory, you dont deserve harassment.

Girl A clearly has serious stalker issues. Change your number, or block hers, ensure the girl you are seeing does the same. Keep a record of any communications that you get, dont delete the texts that you get and document any time she has said something to you. Even if she is manipulative enough to threaten to harm herself. Stay away.

Dont engage with her at all - dont try and make her see reason, she doesnt want to. It goes without saying, dont meet up with her, together or alone, and by all means dont have sex with her again. Avoid the spots that she would frequent or expect to find you when going out, and maybe if the dust settles a bit she will move on.

If you need then to escalate it, then the Gardai are the next step, and they can advise you accordingly - and you would also have the proof that she has been pestering you.

Good luck.

P. Breathnach

What Neyite said, plus get off Facebook and ask your friends not to post info about you, and especially pictures.

Herrick

OP, what network, type of phone have you? You may be able to block her number without having to change your own.

Facebook, if you haven't, delete and block her! Also make sure your privacy settings and those of your new gf are as strict as possible!

Tbh at this stage I would be also going to the Gardai and showing them the texts from her. I didn't know about the recent law on abusive texts, so you may be able to get them to at least have a word with her.

ElleEm

I agree with the other posters, get on to the Gardai.
Give them a log of all the contact/ texts messages you've recieved from her too.

If she isn't getting contact from you, she may go a step further to try and get you to talk to her. It's better to be safe than sorry. It won't do any harm to go to the Gardai.

LegacyUser

OP Here.
Folks thanks for the advice so far.
I have spoken to a Guard regarding this(Informally, a friend)
And I got a bit of a 'wouldn't I love to have that problem' kinda vibe.
He spent more time going on about how attractive girl A is and how he wouldn't be turning her down, rather than treating my problem seriously
And I'm worried that if I make a formal report this will be how its treated there too.

A lot of my friends know the situation I'm currently in, and its split along the lines of females seeing my problem and understanding how worrying/stressfull it is having this(for want of a better word)sociopathic stalker trying to invade and interfere with my life and how upsetting it is.
Whereas my male friends are of the opinion that I should just get on with it...
It can't be that bad sure and if having a 'ride like that after me is the least of my worries, I don't really have any problems at all'!!!!

As I said earlier, if it was just me...I'd probably be a bit more confrontational.
But I'm a single dad, I don't want my child exposed to this kind of mentalness and whatever else happens my kid's safety and my kid's happiness are my priority and she has proved already that she will be aggresive/confrontational in getting to me.
I won't allow his happiness to be threatened by a vindictive nutter!

Also as far as girl C goes, this is my 1st step into an actual relationship in quite a long while and I dont want to lose something that I feel could be good!
I like her a lot and I don't want her victimized or feeling threatened because of my stupidic dalliance(Before we ever hooked up, months before in fairness).
But I feel that at this stage it might be better to leave it lie with her until I get everything sorted :-/

Thanks to everyone who has posted. the advice is much appreciated

LegacyUser

OP here again.
Just to add to those that have suggested improving my FB settings, They are already at the highest levels, part of the problem would be that we have @ 50+ mutual friends(Between myself, Girl and Girl C) and despite my culling quite a few she still gets plenty of info.
As to the phone, I have an android so her number is blacklisted and her txts goto a privacy dropbox.
I will not change my number or allow her this person to exercise a control over me that would force me to even consider it.
I have my number 12yrs and its a point of contact that is known and consistent all that time for friends and family scattered all over, they know no matter what other means of communication I use my mobile is always the same....
And in fairness with my FB its the same, I lived abroad for many years and its a portal of contact for my friends that I will not be bullied out of.

Thanks again for the advice so far folks, its appreciated.

LegacyUser

This thread just caught my eye now get everything, every contact she initiates, everything documented.
Don't respond or reply to her in any way.
I'm sorry for the impression you garda friend gave you that belittled the problem, I wonder if he would have been so flippant if you were a woman?
A situation like this can be a scary thing.
Someone is trying to interfere, control and bully with you and your life!
For your own sake report this officially and stay safe.