How does it happen?

LegacyUser

I'm mildly frustrated about this. I've never been in a serious relationship. I havent always been the fittest guy in the world either but I'm working on it. It hasn't totally killed my prospects in the past though either so I don't think thats the problem. At most I've been on a few dates with someone before they've told me they didn't feel a connection, or in other cases, basically that they weren't looking for something as serious as I was.

Another girl I was attracted to, we started hanging out after work, drinking beers, and there was almost an affair-like vibe even though we never kissed or anything. She wasn't happy with her relationship but she had 2 kids both with special needs and as long as they had a mother and father to care for them she can't just cut and run at the drop of a hat, it wasn't in her to cheat, and it wasn't in me to homewreck. At least thats how I see it. We talked about what we both wanted, actually, at length the last night she was in town, though somehow managed not to structure the conversation like it was about her and me (so I could be imagining the whole thing for all I know). She moved out of state this week, they had been planning it for months, and while there's probably still a small candle for her I can live with that.

The next girl (again at work) took in interest in me, not the other way around. Made me a christmas gift - like, hand made. We went out for new years had a good time but after a couple dates she said she wasn't feeling it either. What I am starting to doubt is whether I just came on too strongly, or that she was worried about making it a known thing at work. I don't know. Either way we're totally awkward around eachother now, and I'm starting to wonder if she would have responded if I tried to stand up for it, but it wasn't a great fit altogether anyway. So I didn't, but wonder if she resents me for not doing so. Situation still bothers me.

Now there is this other girl whom, again, I met at work (big place, lots of departments, etc) who seemed to be giving me a lot of positive signs (physical contact, lots of joking around, etc) so when I caught her looking up movies tonight we ended up back and forth on the conversation for the next few hours until I basically just said "So what are we going to see tonight?" and I followed it up by texting her. She was positive about it but laid down ground rules immediately, that this was just a friends thing, she wasn't looking for a relationship, had a child, etc. Which in this situation is completely fine: it's not like other times, where you've already spent the night with someone before they pull that on you and you're just supposed to be cool with it. I responded back by telling her basically there are lots of things that I am looking for right now, and that includes good friends. Had a good time actually.

My issue is though, what is going wrong? I feel like I'm consistently striking out because of the same problems all the time, and I'd like some insights as to why that might be. I need to pick some brains. Am I giving off some strange commitment vibe? Like I told the girl tonight it's not like I'm not also looking for friendships out of life but at the same time, there is that part of you that wants the fulfillment of a relationship, somewhere.

_dublinlad_

Firstly, what age are you?

Secondly, why are all these women from work? Do you not have a life outside work where you can meet women? Working together can often stop a good thing in its tracks..

LegacyUser

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Firstly, what age are you?

Secondly, why are all these women from work? Do you not have a life outside work where you can meet women? Working together can often stop a good thing in its tracks..

Fair enough question. I'm 24. And no I don't have a life outside work. I go to school and thats pretty much it. I'd like to have that change, but I work anywhere from 30-40 hours a week, I'm in classes for 24 hours a week, can do homework for anywhere from 2-14 hours a week, (ish'), and between life functions there isn't too much time to be social. Plus my buddy at work has no car, even though we talk to eachother a lot at college and at work, there isn't much opportunity to hang out (plus, he's already got his social life carved out with his own niche and the love of his life)

I know work can ruin stuff but there isn't much to go off. I've tried online sites like OKcupid but, thats a whole other arena. It's really hard to break ice with someone anonymously online and even harder to connect. It's not like the work environment is toxic to relationships. I can spot at least 3 active and healthy and open relationships at work, between coworkers. And a fourth between our manager and a district manager that works laterally of her. That doesn't even include the relationships that have occured previously that I'm aware of, which are lots. Which is to say though, those didn't work out either

_dublinlad_

thecoffeemugisfullofcoffeenowyum wrote: »

Fair enough question. I'm 24. And no I don't have a life outside work. I go to school and thats pretty much it. I'd like to have that change, but I work anywhere from 30-40 hours a week, I'm in classes for 24 hours a week, can do homework for anywhere from 2-14 hours a week, (ish'), and between life functions there isn't too much time to be social. Plus my buddy at work has no car, even though we talk to eachother a lot at college and at work, there isn't much opportunity to hang out (plus, he's already got his social life carved out with his own niche and the love of his life)

I know work can ruin stuff but there isn't much to go off. I've tried online sites like OKcupid but, thats a whole other arena. It's really hard to break ice with someone anonymously online and even harder to connect. It's not like the work environment is toxic to relationships. I can spot at least 3 active and healthy and open relationships at work, between coworkers. And a fourth between our manager and a district manager that works laterally of her. That doesn't even include the relationships that have occured previously that I'm aware of, which are lots. Which is to say though, those didn't work out either

OK. With those sort of work and college commitments - what do you expect? I know me saying that is in no way helpful to you but its the plain fact here. Personaly I would suggest stearing clear of work related relationships but by the sound of your case that may be your best bet of you getting a girl before you finish college.

Also, with your current work and college comitments - what girl would want to be with you?? You would have almost no time for her, maybe some of the girls you have dated recently have seen this and ran a mile. Thats pure speculation as they may simply of not been interested in you, but its a thought to keep in mind none the less.

I would suggest spending your free time on improving yourself, go to the gym, start to eat healtier, read books about social interactions (I have brushed through the likes, they can open your mind up to things that are holding you back socially and romanticaly), be more positive, dont ever complain about your life around people, appear more confident. Just work on improving every aspect of yourself, in the process what your looking for may well find you instead.

analucija

You are 24, there is no hurry. Have some fun and take the other girls offer of friendship. Just go out and enjoy yourself. At this age you need friends more than girlfriends.