Was I right to break up with GF of 2 years?

kavanap2

I am interested to hear people’s opinions on this. My ex-girlfriend and I have recently broken up after 2 years together. We got on pretty well most of the time but as I got to know her better I noticed some peculiarities about her personality. In particular, she had a deep seated mistrust of the world and was borderline obsessed with conspiracy theories and supernatural notions. I did some research and found out that people like this are known as ‘Cranks’. They believe fervently in all sorts of unrelated conspiracies and ‘bad science’ to the point that they live their lives according to these bizarre theories. (Jim Corr, Aleister Crowley and David Ike are extreme examples).

At first I thought it was just a bit of fun (conspiracy theories, New World Order etc...) not to be taken too seriously, but as I got to know her more I realised that it had a much more darker side. She spent many hours a day browsing the internet reading all of this type of stuff and believed everything she read. For example, she believed that the government put fluoride in tap water to dumb down the nation and that microwaves were dangerous (she would stand behind a wall if someone turned it on). I know this sounds funny, but believe me, it’s very hard to live with this someone like this! Also, she didn’t trust conventional medicine and believed that every major disease was created by the pharmaceutical industry just to make money. As a result she bought an ‘alternative’ medicine called ‘miracle mineral solution’ (or MMS for short) over the internet which claims to cure everything from AIDS to cancer! I googled the product and found very disturbing articles including a FDA warning not to use it because it produces a potent bleach when ingested.

When I explained to her what I had found she totally rejected my concern and said that the FDA is also in on the conspiracy! It shocked me to see how gullible she was and that she couldn’t see how damage she could be doing to herself. When she started to take this MMS she began to feel ill but she told me that this was ok because it was ‘removing all the toxins and bad bacteria from my system’ and this was proof that it was working! I pleaded with her to see sense but to no avail. She also believed in the most bizarre conspiracy theories – for instance, that the British Royal family were secretly ‘Reptilians’ from another planet. I also found some cheques written out to some “Shaman healer” from County Cork to do a ‘distance healing’! WTF?? I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. This type of behaviour and belief system put an incredible amount of pressure on our relationship with the result that I eventually decided that I couldn’t be with someone like this. And there was no reasoning with her, it was like she was brainwashed. She would also constantly check my phone and web history. And she knew my computer password! I have no idea how! I probably don’t even know the half of it, she was very secretive, who knows what else she was thinking or money she wasted.

On the other hand, she could be quite rational about other things in her life, like when it came to work for instance. This, I found very confusing. How can someone be so rational about some things and totally irrational about other things?

The thing is I still love her but I don’t think we can build a healthy relationship together...

I'd appreciate people's thoughts on this and would love to hear from anybody who has had a similar experience...

ananas

Jesus, thats some strange stuff that your gf was into: it must have been exhausting trying to deal with her obsessions. I know you've mentioned that she has good qualities but all these conspiracy theories have consumed her and make it impossible for her to function in a normal relationship. How could you be with someone who is mistrustful of so much?

You've made the right decision. I haven't experienced anything like this but you did the right thing by ending it.

kavanap2

Thanks for you replies guys...

Sunflower, to answer your question...Indeed, by her own admission, she was raised in dysfunctional family (alcoholic father, mother in denial etc...) and was bullied pretty badly at school. I know this had an enormous effect on her. Because of this I kept making excuses for her behaviour and ended up driving myself crazy! It is sad because I still love her but I know we can't be together. And you are definitely correct when you say that there is nothing I can do - one thing I have learned in life is that you cannot change people!

kathy2

Hi

OMG I bought that MMS stuff and I do think floride in the water is bad:rolleyes:

But if you love some one its un conditional so your right let it go

itisallaboutme

kavanap2 wrote: »

it had a much more darker side. She spent many hours a day browsing the internet reading all of this type of stuff and believed everything she read. For example, she believed that the government put fluoride in tap water to dumb down the nation and that microwaves were dangerous (she would stand behind a wall if someone turned it on). I know this sounds funny, but believe me, it’s very hard to live with this someone like this! Also, she didn’t trust conventional medicine and believed that every major disease was created by the pharmaceutical industry just to make money. As a result she bought an ‘alternative’ medicine called ‘miracle mineral solution’ (or MMS for short) over the internet which claims to cure everything from AIDS to cancer! I googled the product and found very disturbing articles including a FDA warning not to use it because it produces a potent bleach when ingested.

When I explained to her what I had found she totally rejected my concern and said that the FDA is also in on the conspiracy! It shocked me to see how gullible she was and that she couldn’t see how damage she could be doing to herself. When she started to take this MMS she began to feel ill but she told me that this was ok because it was ‘removing all the toxins and bad bacteria from my system’ and this was proof that it was working! I pleaded with her to see sense but to no avail. She also believed in the most bizarre conspiracy theories – for instance, that the British Royal family were secretly ‘Reptilians’ from another planet.
there was no reasoning with her, it was like she was brainwashed. She would also constantly check my phone and web history. And she knew my computer password! I have no idea how! I probably don’t even know the half of it, she was very secretive, who knows what else she was thinking or money she wasted.
On the other hand, she could be quite rational about other things in her life, like when it came to work for instance. This, I found very confusing. How can someone be so rational about some things and totally irrational about other things?
.

Look I don't mean to throw this out there and offend anyone, because I am not suggesting anyone with alternative views has a mental illness but have you ever considered that it may be down to her mental health... not a psychologist or anything but it really seems like she is suffering from paranoia and delusions. A delusion is a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary a.ka. reptilians
Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs, or beliefs of conspiracy...it might also create a general distrust of others, which could be why she is checking your phone and web history an still secretive herself....

If this is the case, not saying it is, but with help the relationship might be more manageable. Perhaps suggest seeing a therapist together?

curlzy

Hey OP,

I lived with someone like that and it was exhausting. Living with him was bad enough, never mind being in a relationship! I'm good friends with him again now that I don't live with him but I very nearly stopped being friends with him when he told me I got Multiple Schlerosis because I secretly wanted it and brought it on myself by thinking negatively :eek::(:(:mad::mad::mad: . . . . . . . . . . :rolleyes:

But yeah it's exhausting when people just won't apply logic to things. You end up arguing stupid **** around in circles and tbh life is just too short for that.

So yeah you were right to break up with her. Maybe if she deals with her issues instead of filling her mind with sh*te and stops all the avoidance then you could some time in the future have a relationship but I really, honestly, wouldn't wait around for that. The guy I'm talking about has been like that for over 6 years!!!

Also, with regards to "love is unconditional", well that's just not true and you shouldn't feel bad for breaking up with her. Otherwise people that break up with abusive partners, or alcoholics/drug addicts, or cheaters, well they mustn't have loved their partners because "love is unconditional". You can see clearly that's just BS.

Stop beating yourself up OP, you tried. Move on and be happy with a nice sane girl that can give you the realationship you deserve.

Best of luck.

Little Miss Lady

I think regardless if what your girlfriend was interested in reading and believing
If it was enough to turn you off her and question you being with her
then yes, you were right to end the relationship.

kavanap2

Thanks to everybody for your posts! It's really giving me insight!

Itisallaboutme, I did consider that its down to her mental health. I did some research lately and found out that this type of thinking is very common. Apparently, people like this need an escape from reality because they feel alienated from society and suffer from feeling of powerlessness. They can also be very hostile to people they perceive as a threat, even their partner, because they feel venerable emotionally. They expect to be screwed over eventually. I wish I knew this when we were together so I could’ve made some sense of her behaviour.

itisallaboutme wrote: »

Perhaps suggest seeing a therapist together?

I did suggest this but she said no because that was only for “old people”

Curlzy, sorry to hear of your experience with your ‘friend’. Totally agree with your post especially about the ‘unconditional love’ thing – if only life was that simple!

dory

You did the right thing. It'd be very hard to live with someone like that and raise a family with someone you have very different views to. Imagine what would happen if the kid needed medicine and she refused the advice of a GP? You'd drive yourself mad trying to reason with her.

snafuk35

OP,

Put things in perspective.

Most people in Ireland go to specially constructed buildings where ceremonies are held presided over by adult male virgins who have pledged to abstain from sex for life. They are worshipping a carpenter from rural Galilee who died over 2,000 years ago and supposedly rose from the dead before ascending into the sky. They believe they can talk to this carpenter and he will save them from death. If you do not believe in the dead carpenter or his celestial father who supposedly created the world you will burn in fire for all eternity.

The problems in the world are supposedly the doings of a supernatural messenger who rejected the authority of the celestial father and his son and was thrown out of their sky kingdom before he grew a pair of bat wings, a dragon's tail and a pair of horns. He supposedly whispers in our ears to tell us all to do evil and when we die having committed evil and not repented we will join him in the fire where we will burn for all eternity.

Now in the north east of Ireland one group of believe that the adult virgins who preside at their ceremonies can turn bread and wine into the actual flesh and blood of the dead carpenter. Another group believe that this does not happen but is merely symbolic and that instead of being virgins, the masters of ceremony can instead marry. This difference of opinion means that both groups hate eachother and kill eachother.

Now compare your kooky gf to these people would you? She seems sane by comparison.

Wompa1

snafuk35 wrote: »

OP,

Put things in perspective.

Most people in Ireland go to specially constructed buildings where ceremonies are held presided over by adult male virgins who have pledged to abstain from sex for life. They are worshipping a carpenter from rural Galilee who died over 2,000 years ago and supposedly rose from the dead before ascending into the sky. They believe they can talk to this carpenter and he will save them from death. If you do not believe in the dead carpenter or his celestial father who supposedly created the world you will burn in fire for all eternity.

The problems in the world are supposedly the doings of a supernatural messenger who rejected the authority of the celestial father and his son and was thrown out of their sky kingdom before he grew a pair of bat wings, a dragon's tail and a pair of horns. He supposedly whispers in our ears to tell us all to do evil and when we die having committed evil and not repented we will join him in the fire where we will burn for all eternity.

Now in the north east of Ireland one group of believe that the adult virgins who preside at their ceremonies can turn bread and wine into the actual flesh and blood of the dead carpenter. Another group believe that this does not happen but is merely symbolic and that instead of being virgins, the masters of ceremony can instead marry. This difference of opinion means that both groups hate eachother and kill eachother.

Now compare your kooky gf to these people would you? She seems sane by comparison.

Oh...I see what you did there...

You are right to break up with her OP. She sounds nuts

kildare.17hmr

YES!

Taltos

OK guys.
While we love metaphors and analogies please keep in mind this is not the religion forum.
We are not going to get into a debate on the validity of any religion. Please also keep in mind many of our members here may have a strong Christian faith and so would be insulted by the post above.

So let me be clear - no more bashing religion.
Taking your post to it's logical conclusion in RI it would be not unfair to categorise it as flaming and so warranting a warning/infraction or ban. Instead though we are issuing this single onthread warning.

Wompa & Kildare - you are both also on the verge of being infracted.
Posts have to be civil and constructive - if you have no advice to give do not post. If you wish to support the suggestion of a previous poster only use the thanks button.

Thanks
Taltos