dressing as a girl

Energise

why do I always want to dress as a girl....will it every go away.

Audrey

Shakti

Hard to say Audrey without knowing a little more about you,
Main thing to remember is whatever it is thats concerning you, your not the only one and there are people who are going through and have been through exactly what your going through right now. It's a bit of a cliché but your not alone.

LegacyUser

It doesn't really go away. Just embrace it and enjoy it.

LegacyUser

Beacuse your a girl?

deirdre_dub

Energise wrote: »

why do I always want to dress as a girl....will it every go away.

Audrey

Audrey,

There are many reasons why male-assigned people want to dress as a girl. The most common reason is because of what is commonly called transvestism - which is a much-misunderstood condition. Obviously, for some people (like myself), it is because something went significantly wrong with the development of my gender in the womb, which has necessitated me to physically transition from male to female.

You've asked two questions - why, and will it ever go away. You probably aren't going to answer the second question without getting a handle on the first, and you probably aren't going to answer the first question without doing some exploratory work around your gender. That might mean counselling, or it might mean talking about it with other trans people, or it might mean socialising on the transgender scene, or it might mean all the above.

TENI have a list of the support groups around the country - http://www.teni.ie/page.aspx?contentid=14 - and they can probably also advise you on getting counselling.

Feel free to PM me if you would like more information. You can also contact me through the Dublin Trans support group email address -tpsgdublin@gmail.com - just ask for me by name.

Deirdre.

Ambersky

Spent the day looking for some nice dykey shoes which by my definition would be flat, no heal, wide fitting usually and stylish.
Mens shoes start at size six and Im a five.
Yes I do belong, or would like to belong, to the comfortable shoe brigade but I still want some style.

Dressing like a "girl" isnt always easy even for girls.

Gender assigning clothing and footwear can be a pain for a lot of people.
Any gender is a drag.:D

Energise

deirdre_dub wrote: »

Audrey,

There are many reasons why male-assigned people want to dress as a girl. The most common reason is because of what is commonly called transvestism - which is a much-misunderstood condition. Obviously, for some people (like myself), it is because something went significantly wrong with the development of my gender in the womb, which has necessitated me to physically transition from male to female.

You've asked two questions - why, and will it ever go away. You probably aren't going to answer the second question without getting a handle on the first, and you probably aren't going to answer the first question without doing some exploratory work around your gender. That might mean counselling, or it might mean talking about it with other trans people, or it might mean socialising on the transgender scene, or it might mean all the above.

TENI have a list of the support groups around the country - http://www.teni.ie/page.aspx?contentid=14 - and they can probably also advise you on getting counselling.

Feel free to PM me if you would like more information. You can also contact me through the Dublin Trans support group email address -tpsgdublin@gmail.com - just ask for me by name.

Deirdre.

Thanks for your message...personally I want to go the other way, I want to fight, resist and overcome this desire...as it undermines my manhood. I am very attracted to women and enjoy being a man...I have never fully dressed as a woman, and its always brief when I do, once I climax I feel terribly ashamed....I think this desire is a pesudo for intimacy with a woman, as realtionships can be messy and demanding.
What I would love to do is chat with guys who have overcome this dessire....so many seem to submit to it....I totally believe that this desire is my challenged in life, as how I deal with it will make or break me.

stephen_n

Energise wrote: »

Thanks for your message...personally I want to go the other way, I want to fight, resist and overcome this desire...as it undermines my manhood. I am very attracted to women and enjoy being a man...I have never fully dressed as a woman, and its always brief when I do, once I climax I feel terribly ashamed....I think this desire is a pesudo for intimacy with a woman, as realtionships can be messy and demanding.
What I would love to do is chat with guys who have overcome this dessire....so many seem to submit to it....I totally believe that this desire is my challenged in life, as how I deal with it will make or break me.

Your signature on the first post is a bit confusing as it suggests a female identity yet in this post you reduce the desire to a purely sexual function that causes shame and challenges your manhood. I would suggest that at least for now susspend any ideas of getting rid of it and just explore it with a counsellor to try understand where it comes from but also where the hatred and shame you feel towards it comes from. I know you don't want to hear this but there is no shame in your desire, the shame you feel is an external force the desire is internal and the confussion and stress it's causing you is the problem that needs to be resolved not the desire itself.

Ambersky

Here's a man who enjoys being a man and who very many women find attractive.
Of course having a sense of humour is one of the sexiest and otherwise generally useful attributes to have.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_kvXeMv-2k

Freiheit

Speaking from all I experience,both of myself and others,fighting or attempting to defeat these feelings,any related feelings simply do not work. You can stop an action with considerable and permanent strain,but that doesn't mean you've overcome it,it's like an alcoholic not drinking,your still an alcoholic or gay or whatever,whether you express it or not.

There's nothing wrong with what you describe though,it's society that prescribes shame and stigma. However as Stephen said, a Counsellor would be a good person with who to discuss your feelings.

Shakti

Energise wrote: »

What I would love to do is chat with guys who have overcome this dessire....so many seem to submit to it.

for serious? your looking for repression tips on a LGBT forum?

baby and crumble

Shakti: no need for the incredulity.

OP: Shakti is kinda right though, you're lot less likely to find guys here who are denying their dressing preferences and sexuality. However we have had a lot of guys pass through here who are exactly like you- straight, no confusion about their sexual preferences, but who enjoying dressing in female clothing. Look around here and find the threads, read up on the net and you'll find it's a lot more common than you might initially think.

wonderfulname

Energise wrote: »

Thanks for your message...personally I want to go the other way, I want to fight, resist and overcome this desire...as it undermines my manhood. I am very attracted to women and enjoy being a man...I have never fully dressed as a woman, and its always brief when I do, once I climax I feel terribly ashamed....I think this desire is a pesudo for intimacy with a woman, as realtionships can be messy and demanding.
What I would love to do is chat with guys who have overcome this dessire....so many seem to submit to it....I totally believe that this desire is my challenged in life, as how I deal with it will make or break me.

Just to throw out another perspective on this, some would say that your shame is the problem, not what you're ashamed of.

Wearing women's clothes does not make you less of a man, and it has no bearing on your sexuality. Have you ever heard anyone say "It takes a real man to wear a pink shirt"? It's the same idea, if you're uncomfortable with femininity it shows discomfort with yourself, and not, as you seem to believe, that you're a proper man. There's nothing wrong with you, and I really think it would be better for you in the long run to address your feelings rather than your actions.

As for your reasoning as to why you want to dress like a woman, sure, it's obvious you've given it a lot of thought, but seriously, did you read it? It's a bit of a stretch, you have to admit, you hardly feel comfortable broaching this with your GP with a view to getting some form of unbiased counselling or such?

Oh, and here's the manly, straight Iggy Pop for your consideration;

deirdre_dub

Energise wrote: »

Thanks for your message...personally I want to go the other way, I want to fight, resist and overcome this desire...as it undermines my manhood. I am very attracted to women and enjoy being a man...I have never fully dressed as a woman, and its always brief when I do, once I climax I feel terribly ashamed....I think this desire is a pesudo for intimacy with a woman, as realtionships can be messy and demanding.
What I would love to do is chat with guys who have overcome this dessire....so many seem to submit to it....I totally believe that this desire is my challenged in life, as how I deal with it will make or break me.

First of all, as others have said, it doesn't need to undermine your manhood. I know some transvestites, cross dressers, female impersonators and drag queens who are amongst the most beautifully masculine of men. And not all of them are gay men.

You enjoy being a man - that's great! Just because you have this in your life doesn't mean that you are going to end up taking hormones and seeking surgeries!!!

I've experienced some welcome changes in my own sexuality. Those changes - which I had no conscious control over - came about when I truly embraced myself and my sexuality. Sometimes the changes ended up with me pretty much stopping a certain activity, and other times they ended up with me embracing an activity, but always the result was more peace and contentment. Speaking for myself, bitter experience has taught me that I cannot choose to not have unwelcome aspects of the sexuality that I have - all I can choose is to accept them or to fight them. And accepting them has sometimes changed and transformed them, but has always brought me peace and contentment.

As for your theory about a pseudo desire for intimacy with a woman - have you discussed it with a therapist, or is that just your theory? Because if it is the latter, you may be right, or you may be wrong, and if you are wrong, you might just end up going around in circles.

peasncarrots

hi audrey ive been dressing as a girl since my teens its just part of what i like and it makes me feel good doh i usually go out late at nite and i just enjoy embrace it

Aurongroove

YES!!!
you know when someone else hits the nail on the head for you? thanks Iggy.


It seems OP, that you're taking the challenge of resisting your urge to dress as a woman because, as you say, you genuinely enjoy being a man and you don't want to undermine that.
Now before somebody kills me please don't misunderstand what I'm saying here.

The important difference I think everyone on the board will sing in unison to you is to make absolutely sure that you're not denying your urge to dress as a woman because you see femininity as being lesser then masculinity i.e., to make sure you're not repressing an unwanted natural urge because you subconsciously harbour doubts based in sexism or anti-transgenderism, But rather that you see your urge to dress as a girl as something you want to personally change about yourself for no other reason then it's a choice of personal virtue and self identity. i.e., that perhaps you want to reassign what you imagine you'd get out of dressing as a girl, because you suspect your urges are misguiding you.

in which case I had a similar experience a few years ago:

If there's something about you, maybe a trend or an urge your not happy with (but for the right reasons) maybe it's a fetish that's a little too strong, or an addiction to food, or a psychological dependency on something you otherwise don't enjoy thinking about it;s not important what it is, the important thing is you identify it as a biological or psychological urge. Then it's a matter of first being honest with yourself and second being understanding about yourself whilst also being disciplined. I know a girl who is at her wits end becasue she's with a guy, long term, and it's going strong. She's so far led a 'straight' life however she has started feeling bi-curious tendencies and she wants to be with a woman before any wedding bells or whatever.

She's in the delicate situation where she either has to risk breaking it off with this guy, travel somewhere and taste the forbidden fruit, and then see if it's all her biology cracked it up to be and if not if he'll have her back and understand why she needed to do it. Her other option is to run the risk of carrying on and perhaps growing bitter with him and herself for not dealing with her urges back when she should and hoping they don't snowball into resentment and regret.

Like her your options are either taking the plunge and sort out your urges first: have a day and night out in full dress, paint the town red and be in public and see what happens, I also advise you write down your experience of it. things like physical urges tend to distort the truth of experience over time and if you didn't enjoy being dressed as a women your mind will still slowly go from "that was awful, never again" to "wasn't that bad", "it was OK", "maybe we should do it again" where as if you write it down, you're more likely to remember how you felt like the day you were writing it and think "that's why I shan't do it again"

the other option is to not go with the experience and decided "enough is enough" no more indulging these thoughts time to move on and close the door on this nonsense, and them make sure never to regret the decision.
the second option I don't think is very safe, there is always the chance that you could be denying yourself something that's a fundamental part of your person. For my own particular issue I went with option A: I had a go, wrote down why I didn't enjoy it and I remembered how I felt about it rather then what my body and mind was telling me it'd feel like.
and It worked. now I don't think about it, except obviously now I'm writing about it.
The best option is to attempt to prove or disprove to yourself what you otherwise only suspected.
sorry for the long post

Bobby42

Hi OP,

I can relate to your experience alright.

I went through some awful mental anguish over my desires to dress up as a girl. I'd dress up and then tell myself that this was the last time. I felt that there was something wrong with it and I felt ashamed.

So I went a long time without dressing at all. Trying to be manly and all that.

But I always had a burning desire to dress up. It felt awful, I'd see a dress or something and I'd think how much I'd love to wear it but then I'd deny myself it.

But the more comfortable I became with myself and being a man the less I gave myself a hard time over it and I started to dress up as a girl again.

And I absolutely love it. I love being a man, going for pints with the lads, playing football and all that. But I love dressing up and feeling like a girl too. For me it feels amazing and its just a lovely way to express my femininity. Getting fully dressed up as girl is an unforgettable experience and I'm really glad I started again. Slipping into a dress and doing my makeup is absolute bliss, why deny myself it?

I've embraced my girlie side rather than submitted to it.

If its something you enjoy go for it, there's nothing to feel ashamed about.

Selkies

Hi OP,

just worth pointing out:

There are some people who want to transition from male to female, you don't sound like one of them, you sound like someone who likes dressing up. I've met a few of them, they dress up, they have fun, they go home and back to presenting as female.

Also worth noting, I've met a lot of girls who are into guys who dress up as girls. They still want to date a guy but they like them dressing up.

kingofslaves

Like me selkies, but exploring more with guys now. Not saying I'm gay per sé but not totally stright either. (greedy I guess !)

Selkies

kingofslaves wrote: »

Like me selkies, but exploring more with guys now. Not saying I'm gay per sé but not totally stright either. (greedy I guess !)

Hetroflexible?

It's kind of awesome to find people who let feelings other than just fear run wild

peasncarrots

Selkies wrote: »

Hetroflexible?

It's kind of awesome to find people who let feelings other than just fear run wild

hetroflexible haha classic Selkies so thats what i am;)