Finished due to ex getting engaged

LegacyUser

Hi,
I met a great girl about a month ago, things were going well we were spending weekends together as well as meeting up during the week. She asked me to a wedding last weekend which I was chuffed about. At the wedding she heard through the grapevine that her ex of 5 years had gotten engaged. I didin't know why but she wasn't spending much time with me for the rest of the night, she was upset... They had broken up two years previsouly, she had finished it... yet she feels upset when he moves on? She knew he had girlfriend and all but said this was just so final.....

She hadn't been in touch much since sunday and i feard the worst, she rang today saying she didn't expect to feel like that when she heard the news, maybe she always thought she could have him back, she didin't know and she can't understand it. She said she didn't think it was fair to be in a relationship as she was too messed up and that i'd done nothing wrong but she didn't want to be leading me on and then hurt me more further down the line.

Do I just accept this? as when we were together it was great and she said that too, that she loved spending time with me but that she's just been so messed up since she heard the news. Also she owns a house with him and she wants him to sell it but the wont, she can't get another mortgage as she has one out on that house.

She was going to give a couple of things to a colleague of mine to give back to me but upon the advice of a friend I rang her back to tell her not too that we'd meet up for lunch in a couple of weeks to get them back. He said that if she spends some time with me again she might remember how much she enjoyed my company etc. She didn't answer the phone so i sent a text saying to give us a shout as there's something else i forgot and would prefer for her not to give them to john to give to me.....

That's how it's currently left... I'm just so pissed off as it's the first time in over a year that i've met somebody i've connected with... least it didn't go on longer or I would have been hurt more i suppose.... but's its frustrating when i've done nothing wrong and everything was perfect until Saturday. Any words of wisdom appreciated!

Sleepy

Why would you want to get involved with someone who thinks she can leave someone to go have fun and return to them at some point in the future?

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote: »

Why would you want to get involved with someone who thinks she can leave someone to go have fun and return to them at some point in the future?

YEah true but she doesn't even know if that's what she thought... she didn't really know why she was upset and was trying to figure it out..... I know I felt like crap when i saw my ex had a new bf but i got over it in time.... I see ur point though, but just that everything was going well before saturday, and she said she didn't expect to re act the way she did when she heard.... i dunno. just frustrating!

going un-reg

OP,

Just because you can get over someone relatively quickly, doesn't mean that she can too.

People always want the things that they can't have , her reaction is pretty normal, most people would feel a bit gutted in the same situation. It goes to show that she still clearly likes her ex. Regardless, why be in a relationship with someone who's thinking/pining over someone else?

She did the right thing by saying you two should part, even though it sucks and it's not what you wanted to have happen.

It's only been a month between you two, move on and find someone worth your time

bouncebouncey

I don't the first part of that at all.

2 years doesn't qualify as 'relatively quickly' for getting over someone. Especially not when she was the one who ended the relationship. I wouldn't agree with that even slightly.

What I do agree with is that you two not being together is good for you. I've no idea where her head is at but it's better than you're not involved in it. Being hung up on relationships from years ago, and ones you've ended, is not a healthy emotional sign. 2 years was plenty for her to clear her head in this instance but she's unable to hack it emotionally when he gets engaged? Presumably she thought she held the power because she ended it and could have him back on a whim if she ever chose to.

She's just not in a very healthy emotional place and may not be for quite some time. Put it down to experience and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

People aren't always rational.13 years ago, I left my boyfriend, for my now husband.

I finished with him. I had reached a point where I wasn't completely happy in the relationship, and I moved on.

However, there had been a time when I really really loved him. And even though I knew our relationship had to end, and I was the one who ended it, and married my husband within 3 years, I still got that little pang when I heard he was in a new relationship.

I didn't want to be with him. I am happy in my relationship, but we had shared a lot, and I think that was where my feelings came from. Being honest... typing this about him, I have a bit of a knot in my stomach thinking about him again!

I am completely happy in my marriage by the way! I have a lovely husband, kids and home and I have no desire to be back with my ex.... but I cannot explain that feeling that surfaces occasionally when I hear something about him.

Maybe its because we were young. Very much in love and had lots of fun. I have nice memories with him, and in another life I imagined us being together forever.

I think I'm posting this to try explain why she is reacting as she is, and to counter the 'why would you want to be with her anyway' type arguments.

It doesn't mean that she still loves him, or wants to be with him... but there are still memories and feelings there (not to.mention a house!)

People, emotions, feelings and relationships are so diverse and unique that it is impossible to find an answer that fits everyone.

I think she is being incredibly honest with you. And maybe you should give her time to work through whatever it is she is thinking. She may come back to you, she may not. But at the moment you have no control over it.

(Sorry if that rambled on a bit!)

mp3ireland2

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

People aren't always rational.13 years ago, I left my boyfriend, for my now husband.

I finished with him. I had reached a point where I wasn't completely happy in the relationship, and I moved on.

However, there had been a time when I really really loved him. And even though I knew our relationship had to end, and I was the one who ended it, and married my husband within 3 years, I still got that little pang when I heard he was in a new relationship.

I didn't want to be with him. I am happy in my relationship, but we had shared a lot, and I think that was where my feelings came from. Being honest... typing this about him, I have a bit of a knot in my stomach thinking about him again!

I am completely happy in my marriage by the way! I have a lovely husband, kids and home and I have no desire to be back with my ex.... but I cannot explain that feeling that surfaces occasionally when I hear something about him.

Maybe its because we were young. Very much in love and had lots of fun. I have nice memories with him, and in another life I imagined us being together forever.

I think I'm posting this to try explain why she is reacting as she is, and to counter the 'why would you want to be with her anyway' type arguments.

It doesn't mean that she still loves him, or wants to be with him... but there are still memories and feelings there (not to.mention a house!)

People, emotions, feelings and relationships are so diverse and unique that it is impossible to find an answer that fits everyone.

I think she is being incredibly honest with you. And maybe you should give her time to work through whatever it is she is thinking. She may come back to you, she may not. But at the moment you have no control over it.

(Sorry if that rambled on a bit!)

Thanks yeah that helped explain it well because I don't believe she did want to be with him, as she said she never had any of these feelings up until she got the news on Saturday. (wasn't a great time to get it when I was with a wedding with her and didn't know what was going on!)

Yeah I've to meet up with her at some stage to get some stuff, I know it probably seems ridiculous as we were only seeing each other just over a month, but we were seeing a lot of each other and everything had been perfect up to this, and it was the happiest I had been in a long time. I just thought there was a lot of potential there, and it's annoying now that it's finished due to an external factor.

At least your words made me feel a bit better as from reading other posts I was wondering was I just a naive fool all along. Some of my friends think she is fake, but she was very honest with me about how she felt and insisted that i'd never done anything wrong and apologised about how she behaved at the wedding.

If we never get back together again at least what you had written helped me understand anyway! And I know that I wasn't just a little hobby of hers or anything!