I can't stop crying

LegacyUser

About a year ago my ex broke my heart. Big time. I've never been through anything as traumatic as that and life changing.

Anyway a year on and I'm not sure I'll ever be normal again. I feel like such a fake person. My family and friends think I'm coping so well because I'm never down and I act so grownup about it. I have this constant act up that I'm so strong and ok with everything. Every night I lie awake for hours crying. Bearing in mind I have to be up for work at 7 each morning.

I cant go on like this. I'm not suicidal, I could never do that. But I'm just so frustrated and tired of feeling like ****, I don't deserve to feel like crap all the time.

I've been to a counsellor, he told me I was putting too much pressure on myself to be over everything and that I wasn't letting myself be sad. But I cry myself to sleep every night? I couldn't afford to keep seeing him.

I'm just at a point where I can't go on like this... but I don't even know what that means. I can't escape my own thoughts so what can I do. Its affecting my work life because I'm only half present mentally a lot of the time. Help?

Benny_Cake

SAAAAAD wrote: »

About a year ago my ex broke my heart. Big time. I've never been through anything as traumatic as that and life changing.

Anyway a year on and I'm not sure I'll ever be normal again. I feel like such a fake person. My family and friends think I'm coping so well because I'm never down and I act so grownup about it. I have this constant act up that I'm so strong and ok with everything. Every night I lie awake for hours crying. Bearing in mind I have to be up for work at 7 each morning.

I cant go on like this. I'm not suicidal, I could never do that. But I'm just so frustrated and tired of feeling like ****, I don't deserve to feel like crap all the time.

I've been to a counsellor, he told me I was putting too much pressure on myself to be over everything and that I wasn't letting myself be sad. But I cry myself to sleep every night? I couldn't afford to keep seeing him.

I'm just at a point where I can't go on like this... but I don't even know what that means. I can't escape my own thoughts so what can I do. Its affecting my work life because I'm only half present mentally a lot of the time. Help?

I think you need to see a doctor asap, it sounds as if you may be suffering from depression. Your doctor can also discuss options in relation to counselling with you, I believe some counselling services are available through the HSE.

I think that you also need to talk about this with at least some of your family or friends. You shouldn't need to put up a false front to those closest to you andd talking about it really does help, it's a cliché but it's true. Please don't be hard on yourself, you've been through a rough time and this can happen to anyone. You've taken the first step in talking about it here, so take the next one and visit your doctor. Very best of luck to you!

LegacyUser

Its less about missing him and more about loathing myself. He still wants to be a part of my life.

I would see my GP but I really can't afford it. I don't get paid much and its 60 euro a visit. The counsellor I saw was also 60 euro a visit. Its just impossible.

jubella

SAAAAAAD wrote: »

Its less about missing him and more about loathing myself. He still wants to be a part of my life.

I would see my GP but I really can't afford it. I don't get paid much and its 60 euro a visit. The counsellor I saw was also 60 euro a visit. Its just impossible.

Cut all contact. It will make it easier to move on.

Little Miss Lady

Save up and go to your GP, even ask a family member for a loan.
Your GP will give you the best help and direction
You cannot go on like that.

Best of luck.

Nothingbetter2d

i would suggest going to a group meeting with other people suffering the same sort of depression you seem to be suffering from... most are free to go to and sometimes it helps just having someone who knows what your going through to talk to.