I forgot my father's birthday.

miaowmiaow

So yesterday was my father's birthday, and I didn't even realise. He'd tried to ring me the night before, but I was too freaking busy and assumed I'd get back to him whenever. I thought nothing of it. My parents are divorced and it's been a pretty nasty time for me. I've had more than ten years of struggles, I had to mother my own mother, get over my own sh*t and deal with some very abusive relationships that I fell into along the way. I have massive issues about my dad, but to be honest before I've gone months without talking to him simply to try punish him. But this was different. I feel beyond awful. I went out into the street and sat down to cry. Where I am right now it's the small hours of the morning. Where my dad is he's beside some whore he picked up on the other side of the continent. What's more, I know he couldn't give a damn.

He left all of us, both the first family and the second family. He just up and left. He ran away and didn't care. I feel inadequate enough as it is. I've a relationship with a boy who won't even acknowledge me in public, and no one wants to hear about my daddy issues. Who would? If there's anything my parent's taught me it's that everyone is selfish. I'm disgusted that I have this self indulgent need to talk to people, to inspire pity and understanding in them. Why would I deserve to feel better by talking through my problems? The answer is always "I don't".

I think I broke down about forgetting his birthday because I've finally accepted that he's screwed up, but that means I've accepted the fact that even if he can't live up to his responsibilities as a father, the least I can do is try be his daughter. I just felt like I was a failure.
I beg him to come home every so often but it's as good as talking to the wall.
I guess I look for ways to blame myself for all the bad things that have happened. There has been a lot of bad stuff. Too much really. I think I got the short straw. I know life is life, but really? I got every category of crap.
I just really needed to share this, I have no one to talk to and I couldn't bring my self to go anywhere else.

finbarrk

Just call him in the morning. Tell him you forgot about it and still wish him happy birthday.

Sleepy

You got the short straw in more than one sense: both your parents have failed you here.

Divorce is *NEVER* the children's fault. Your father's issues are his issues, leave him deal with them himself. Be angry with him for abandoning you if you like but his treatment of your mother is not something you can judge him for: you're only getting her side of the story so don't presume you know the truth of it. Your mother should not be relying on you for pity, support or understanding. She's the parent in your relationship: she should be making sure you're okay with everything and understand that the disintegration of their marriage was in no way your fault. Your father should be doing this too, though mistakenly a lot of men go the route of saying nothing under the impression that it's the best course (rather than bad mouthing your mother to you etc.) forgetting there's a third option of simply re-assuring you it's not your fault without getting into the mudslinging.

Finally, get out of the relationship you're in, it's clearly not healthy and you know it. It'd be a good time to be on your own for a while. Go out with your friends, have fun and if your mother starts looking for a shoulder to cry on again, point her towards her sisters/brothers/friends. It's not the child's job to carry their parents burdens.