Being mean because he likes me??

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

This will probably seem a little bit juvenile but it's really playing on my mind.
I recently made friends with a guy who I'll call Chris. We both work in bars that are close to each other and this is how we became friendly.

I actually didn't like him that much when I first met him as he seemed very vain and arrogant (turns out he is too!) and these are traits I really don't like. Over time though I got to know him a bit better and I'm now very fond of him, in fact I actually think i've fallen for him despite myself. It's strange because he possesses alot of qualities I don't like and he sometimes doesn't treat me very nicely so it's bizarre that I can't stop thinking about him!

So, I have this intuative feeling that he likes me too but the signals he's giving are very mixed and I think he's playing games. I'll give you a few examples and if you could please tell me what (if anything) this may mean. My friends all think that he likes me which is why he's being mean but that seems incredibly immature to me, this guy is 33 not 13!!

1) We were at a party the other night and seeing as we both live near each other I suggested getting a cab together. He said yeah sure then I went to the toliet. When i came back he was gone. So I went out to get a taxi and he was outside trying to get one. I said to him 'Wtf, why didn't you wait for me???' and he said 'Relax, i'm still here amn't I'.
I found this behaviour bizarre.

2) We went to a really cool bar one night after work and there were a band playing. At one stage i moved nearer to the stage to see the band. I looked around and could no longer see Chris. He had left without even saying goodbye.

3) I texted him yesterday asking him a question. I got a reply about 5 hours later saying 'Who is this?'. He has my number. I found this very irritating and strange.

4) He often comments on my appearance. I'm not big headed but I am a good looking girl. I get plenty of male attention. However, he says things like why do you always show off your cleavage? Why do you wear tights that are ripped on purpose just to look trendy? Why are you being a hipster?

I just don't get it. My friends think he likes me but he's a bit of a d*ck and this is just his way but surely if he liked me he'd make a move?!!

I really like him for some bizarre reason and I get the vibe that he likes me but I don't know.

Any thoughts??

Thanks:)

I am a friend

He is 33 and carrying on like that??? He is an a/hole.

What's your record in relationships? Normally go for the bad boy?

I wouldn't waste my energy on this guy. He sounds rotten

Esoteric_

You've basically just given us a list of nasty things he does and says. I can't even see a real friendship here, let alone something more.

Are you sure it's not just that you WANT him to like you, because you like him?

Katy89

can only agree with the other posters.

he's not treating you with respect.

and you already gave yourself the most valid answer. if a man is really interested, he makes a move.

maybe he he likes you and wants to check out with his silly games your reaction to him. but you have to ask yourself, do you want to be togehter with someone who is 33 and acts like a 15 year old teenager?
I would say you're worth more.

Taltos

While I am all for bashing this guy at worst I just think he is a coward.

From his behaviour it appears that he is doing all he can to let you know he doesn't like you at best and at worst has stronger negative feelings.

Personally I think you need to stop wasting time even thinking about him. Clearly he just either doesn't know how to let you know he is not interested or is hoping that by being so rude you will get the hint and just leave him to himself.

Sorry.

johnr1

Classic 'negging' behavior, - it's a PUA technique which a former friend explained to me once. I was like "WTF????". Discussion of that PUA bullsh1t is forbidden on boards with good reason, but suffice to say he sees you as an ice-queen, or thinks that you have a high opinion of yourself, which he hopes to 'break down' in order to give himself a chance (in his view of the world).

Forget him OP, you ain't going to get honesty or an equal relationship there, just more mind games stemming from his own feelings of insecurity and inadequatecies.
Sunflower said it,- man-boy is right.

Balmed Out

Starshipt wrote: »

1) We were at a party the other night and seeing as we both live near each other I suggested getting a cab together. He said yeah sure then I went to the toliet. When i came back he was gone. So I went out to get a taxi and he was outside trying to get one. I said to him 'Wtf, why didn't you wait for me???' and he said 'Relax, i'm still here amn't I'.
I found this behaviour bizarre.

I dont necessarily see anything wrong with this. Either he was getting ye both a taxi or perhaps didnt know where you had gone to.
Other possibility he really cant stand you.

Starshipt wrote: »

2) We went to a really cool bar one night after work and there were a band playing. At one stage i moved nearer to the stage to see the band. I looked around and could no longer see Chris. He had left without even saying goodbye.

Was it just the two of ye out? If not dont see anything wrong with this. Lots of people after x amount of alcahol can do a disappearing act only saying goodnight to those they happen to see on the way.

Starshipt wrote: »

3) I texted him yesterday asking him a question. I got a reply about 5 hours later saying 'Who is this?'. He has my number. I found this very irritating and strange.

Few possibilities here too. Ever since I got an iphone some two contacts that are in the phone come up as the number rather then the contact name. One is my fiance and I even saved the incoming version as an alternate number and her name still doesnt come up. Or again he really doesnt like you and deleted your number.

Starshipt wrote: »

4) He often comments on my appearance. I'm not big headed but I am a good looking girl. I get plenty of male attention. However, he says things like why do you always show off your cleavage? Why do you wear tights that are ripped on purpose just to look trendy? Why are you being a hipster?

Only actions I would have a problem with. Your only young once but you can be immature all your life. Kind of sounds like hes not very good at flirting and that arrogance you speak of is a front for someone whos a little insecure.

Is he a lot older then you?

Dolbert

johnr1 wrote: »

Classic 'negging' behavior, - it's a PUA technique which a former friend explained to me once. I was like "WTF????". Discussion of that PUA bullsh1t is forbidden on boards with good reason, but suffice to say he sees you as an ice-queen, or thinks that you have a high opinion of yourself, which he hopes to 'break down' in order to give himself a chance (in his view of the world).

Forget him OP, you ain't going to get honesty or an equal relationship there, just more mind games stemming from his own feelings of insecurity and inadequatecies.
Sunflower said it,- man-boy is right.

This was the first thing I thought of too. Sounds like he's using PUA techniques on you, not only that but they appear to be working.

minidazzler

From the way you describe him it sounds like he may find you attractive but he doesn't like you all that much. He'll shag you but it won't be anything more than that.

But focusing more on you. You say you've fallen for him, this is false, you've fallen for an idea of him that doesn't seem to match up to reality. He is being a class A prick to you and he is doing it on purpose there is no doubting that, yet you want to like him because he's the bad guy who you shouldn't like. I've been that ass at times, it's not that hard to do and it can be amusing, but at the expense of anothers feelings is a really sh1t way to do it.

A good idea would be to simply cut contact it's not like he wants you anyway, he just wants you wanting him.

ilovesleep

I read number 1 in your OP and this is just my stance on number 1.

I think your suggestion of sharing a taxi together was sensible. He legged it though to flag a taxi on his own once your back was turned for a few minutes. It's possible he could have seen it as an invition for more which to me would tell me that he has an over-inflated ego.

Emme

OP, did you ever read a book called "He's Just Not Into You"?

Don't waste any more time on this a**hole and don't mind your friends when they say he likes you. Even if he did like you he'd wreck your head even more than he is now.

However I think that he doesn't like you. Don't take it personally, he probably doesn't like women in general and could have a chip on his shoulder about women. I'd say he only uses women to get laid and that's it. He's definitely not friendship or relationship material.

Forget him.

minidazzler

ilovesleep wrote: »

I read number 1 in your OP and this is just my stance on number 1.

I think your suggestion of sharing a taxi together was sensible. He legged it though to flag a taxi on his own once your back was turned for a few minutes. It's possible he could have seen it as an invition for more which to me would tell me that he has an over-inflated ego.

Then again, if he took it as an invitation for more and bolted it probably means he just doesn't want the OP. It may well have seemed like an invitation for more.

I'm quite confused by this whole thing, because it's either the guy is a dick and acting like a dick just for the sake of it, or he is acting like a dick because he doesn't want the OP attracted to him. The sharing a taxi could reasonably be assumed to be an invitation for more in a lot of scenario's and while the OP may not have intended it as such, it can come across like that.

Either way OP, just avoid him, he either doesn't want you, or wants you but as someone to be able to treat like crap.

gerryk

johnr1 wrote: »

Classic 'negging' behavior, - it's a PUA technique which a former friend explained to me once. I was like "WTF????". Discussion of that PUA bullsh1t is forbidden on boards with good reason, but suffice to say he sees you as an ice-queen, or thinks that you have a high opinion of yourself, which he hopes to 'break down' in order to give himself a chance (in his view of the world).

Yup... exactly what I thought when I read your post, OP.

prinz

Starshipt wrote: »

I just don't get it. My friends think he likes me but he's a bit of a d*ck and this is just his way but surely if he liked me he'd make a move?!! I really like him for some bizarre reason and I get the vibe that he likes me but I don't know. Any thoughts??

You are being played like a fiddle. The 'negging' thing above is spot on. There are plenty of muppets around like that, be prepared for it to continue even if you get into relationship territory. If you didn't say he was 33 I'd have a name in mind right away for a guy I know who does exactly the things you mentioned in your post; the leaving without saying anything, the telling you one thing and doing another, the backhanded 'compliments'... at the end of the day he's an idiot and he specifically targets certain types of women.

Is that how you want to be treated short or longterm? Continually undermined in any number of ways? Get into a relationship and he will find subtle ways to keep putting you down, then it wil start in front of friends, and family... finally you'll be in a place where you'd do anything for him, and be in complete awe and he'll drop you without a second thought and move on to someone else.

Life's too short of mind games, move on to someone worth your while. Follow your head... do you really want to be back here starting a thread on why your bf treats you like crap? I'd suggest this, express an interest in some other guy and you will one of two responses (a) he will up the effort at the treat her mean keep her keen stuff, but only as long as you've lost interest in the other guy, then you'd be sidelined again or (b) he will get aggressive and bawl you out of it for leading him on/being a tease/being any one of number of hurtful names and hold it against you as a grudge for years.

Miss Fluff

He sounds like a total knob. An ill mannered and immature knob at that. I wouldn't waste a moment on him if I were you. If a guy worth getting involved with genuinely likes you then you'll know all about it. This guy is just a loser depending on a loser book in order to try to pull chicks. Pathetic.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys, you are all 100% right.

Luckily I haven't really fallen for him, as Minddazzler said, I'd fallen for an idea of him which isn't actually real. I can't stand his behaviour most of the time and I know that if we got together he'd be such a handful. Life is indeed too short for bullsh*t like that and I deserve someone wonderful, not a knob like him.

Right so, gonna unfriend him on fb too as he hasn't been in any way 'friendly' towards me.

Regarding the taxi thing, I didn't want him thinking it was an invitation (because it wasn't) so when we got out of the taxi I gave him a hug and said bye. I didn't hang about for even a second for fear he'd think I wanted to sleep with him. He's a muppet. Over and out!

I am a friend

Starshipt wrote: »

Right so, gonna unfriend him on fb too as he hasn't been in any way 'friendly' towards me.

Why bother? He hasnt done anything wrong - you just got carried away.

curlzy

Starshipt wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies guys, you are all 100% right.

Luckily I haven't really fallen for him, as Minddazzler said, I'd fallen for an idea of him which isn't actually real. I can't stand his behaviour most of the time and I know that if we got together he'd be such a handful. Life is indeed too short for bullsh*t like that and I deserve someone wonderful, not a knob like him.

Right so, gonna unfriend him on fb too as he hasn't been in any way 'friendly' towards me.

Regarding the taxi thing, I didn't want him thinking it was an invitation (because it wasn't) so when we got out of the taxi I gave him a hug and said bye. I didn't hang about for even a second for fear he'd think I wanted to sleep with him. He's a muppet. Over and out!

Ah good woman! It always restores my faith in people when they actually face the truth and say "you know what? You're right, I deserve more than this crappy behaviour". Well done OP

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Ah good woman! It always restores my faith in people when they actually face the truth and say "you know what? You're right, I deserve more than this crappy behaviour". Well done OP

Thanks curlzy:)

I've been with bad boy types in the past and made a promise to myself that I'd never allow anyone to disrespect in that way again. I'm keeping that promise:)

Thanks All!!

glad to hear this is resolved OP I'll go ahead and lock it now