cannot stand boyfriend's mother

LegacyUser

I'm with my boyfriend for 10 years now and we're both in out late twenties. things are absolutely fine between us, no problems at all except for one nagging (literally) thorn.. his mother.

she was always horrible, however slowly but surely it is beginning to wear me down. she is the most annoying woman i've ever met - judgemental, pass-remarkable, condescending, interfering, sanctimonious.. I could go on. I have behaved very indifferently toward her for the duration of my relationship with my boyfriend, never really engaging with her and ignoring her horrible comments towards me, but its getting to the point where when I have to see her and she makes snide remarks I literally cannot hide my intense dislike for her. I have tried going ages and ages without seeing her, but as time progresses on and things get more serious with my boyfriend all I can see are important life events totally ruined by her: buying a house, getting married - even worse - kids. she will be the most interfering grandmother ever to have lived... there are times when it really gets me down and I think the most terrible thoughts about her.

my boyfriend cannot stand his mother, so its not going to drive a wedge between us. I just despair at the thoughts of her being in my life.

I would appreciate any advice on how to get around this, or even to deal with the situation better. we are absolutely never going to be friends. I just get so down about the fact that i cannot be rid of her!

edellc

so sorry to hear about your situation totally sympathise with you, but if you and your OH cant stand her then dont see a huge problem just have nothing to do with her full stop

I cant stand my OH's sister total bitch and thats being nice but my OH loves her and likes her so I have no choices to put up with her to some degree

On the other hand my older sister is just pure evil and complete cow, and I point blank refuse to have such nastiness in my life, it is too short and as they say you can choose your friends but not your family...but why have you to put up with them just cause they are family I say treat it as a tumour and cut it out end of problem

If however you and your OH have no choice but to have this nasty creature in your life well then do as you are doing and let her know you dislike her by being dismissive of her, spend as little time as possible as you can with her and dont engage in conversations with her if you have to do it with a totally fake smile plastered on your face. And if all else fails make a vodoo doll of the bitch and stab it with pins when you get home for hers then at least you can feel better or pin her picture to a dart board and take aim

Dont let her hinder your plans of marriage, house and babies it is your and your Oh's lives and if you do have kids and she in any way bad mouths you to them well then you have every right to have a very harsh word with her likewise if you says anything on your wedding day and so on...dont hold back your mother didn't raise you to take sh*t off of someone like that so dont

peace and love OP and take no sh*t

deisemum

Just remember you're an adult and it's up to you who you include in your life. Just because she's your boyfriend's mother it doesn't mean you have to have her in your life.

I'll be 22 years married next month and met my husband when we lived abroad so his family didn't know me and only met me a couple of times a year. Initially they were grand but one of my sister in law's is a complete and utter bitch who started trying to put DH off me once she heard I was on the scene even though she'd never even met me. She didn't want her brother having someone else in his life. She did so many things to try and split us up and the stupid bint was even caught on our wedding video being disrespectful about our wedding. My husband's other sister is the opposite, she's lovely and I see her the odd time and knows what her sister is like.

It rubbed off on my parents in law and to be fair if they were constantly hearing such negative things about me including so lies then it coloured their opinion of me.

We moved back near them and then sister in law was downright nasty to me but was very sneaky about it but I was made feel so unwelcome in their house.

In the end because of how I was being treated by them I cut them out of my life and with it the stress they caused to our marriage. My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner. My husband and I had even separated for 6 months down to the impact their horrible treatment had on our marriage. One thing I learnt for relationship counselling is not to tolerate such behaviour from anyone just because they're family. First time maybe but definitely not the second time. Each and every time they say something rude or offensive pull them up on it. By saying nothing and just taking it you're saying it's ok to be treated in a disrespectful manner so the behaviour continues. Surprisingly once I stood up for myself I was treated with a hell of a lot more respect. About 2 years after having nothing to do with them they started inviting me to family occasions etc but I declined.

The inlaws know better than to say anything negative about me now and in fairness they haven't, quite the opposite in face. I haven't darkened their doorstep nor they mine in over 10 years and life is so much more pleasant though I occasionally speak with the mother in law on the phone. We've had family occasions such as communions and confirmations but they weren't invited. My children are teenagers and visit their grandparents most weeks.

I've gone on abit but you don't have to tolerate toxic people in your life. Half the battle is having your boyfriend on side.

petethebrick

You don't like her and he doesn't like her - then why meet her unless completely unavoidable (christmas etc)???

While he of course may have to meet her semi-frequently there is no reason you should have to