Regrets and Confusion

LegacyUser

Hi,

Was hoping could get some advice on here. Was with this guy for a couple of months and we were both really into each other. I am not great in relationships, can get scared easily and I think I started to withdraw. I did try to talk to my partner about this but he wasn't great at those kind of conversations. He is quite a proud, stubborn guy in many respects but with lots of good qualities. Anyway quite suddenly he pulled the plug and didn't really provide a proper explaination more or less that it wasn't going to work out etc. He then proceeded to cut all contact.

Was absolutely devastated and am finding it really hard to move on. I keep mulling things over in my head and its driving me crazy. I have tried to distract myself and keep busy but my mind is only really half in anything I do. I could be wrong but I do believe that this guy really liked me but is too proud to come back and give it another shot or admit this. I am regretting that we broke up over what really mounted to misunderstanding and that we could have talked things through which never happenned.

I did contact him and he told me that he was seeing someone else and didn't want to be in contact. He sounded really angry with me and was quite rude which I found weird considering he dumped me.

I am just left with these heap of regret and its crippling me. I guess I thought he would come running back telling me how much he missed me but he is too proud to do that I know and maybe he is really into his new girlfriend. the fact that he moved on so quickly hurt also. I am never going to get closure on this so I keep trying to second guess what was going on.

I know its not healthy but I really cannot get thoughts of him out of my head. It was only a short relationship so it doesn't make sense to me why I am being like this.

Can anyone make sense of this please?

going un-reg

Ok, the facts are, he dumped you meaning he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

He has a new girlfriend so he's over you, especially due to the fact that he got angry that you contacted him.

Now, ask yourself, why are you still persuing this? You're just flogging a dead horse.

Also, he sounds like a bit of a doosh, no offence. I'd just move on. Everyone has those thoughts of "why, what did I do?" etc, it's natural that you want closure.

You stated that you're not great in relationships, perhaps your way you treated the relationship made him feel like you weren't interested (I'm only guessing here) and he responded with dumping you (which sounds fairly extreme).

At the end of the day, he's moved on, so should you. Don't waste anymore worry and stress over something that's not worth it anymore, he clearly doesn't.

G'luck OP

Forever Hopeful

OP,
I am not going to sugar coat this. You need to take a long look at yourself and your self confidence otherwise this is going to be a pattern in your life.
I highlighted the bits that stood out

I am not great in relationships, can get scared easily and I think I started to withdraw.

You met a guy who was into you. You might have been put off by his eagerness, your feelings of vulnerability and acted stand offish with him. How long did that last?

Anyway quite suddenly he pulled the plug and didn't really provide a proper explaination more or less that it wasn't going to work out etc. He then proceeded to cut all contact.

His explanation was it wasn't going to work out. He wanted a relationship with you and you kept him at arm's length. If a guy did that to a girl, we would all be telling her to get rid. Again for how long did you withdraw?


I could be wrong but I do believe that this guy really liked me but is too proud to come back and give it another shot or admit this. I am regretting that we broke up over what really mounted to misunderstanding and that we could have talked things through which never happenned.

How do you know he really liked you? Did he put his heart on the line and you didn't respond? Of course he isn't going to go there again. How would you feel if you gave your heart to someone and they said thanks but I don't know. Pretty $hit I would think.

I guess I thought he would come running back telling me how much he missed me but he is too proud to do that I know and maybe he is really into his new girlfriend.
Again, you are fixated on him adoring you, missing you, regretting breaking up with you. How do you really feel about him? Do you really want to be with him and if, big if, he came back and wanted a full on relationship, who's to say you wouldn't pull back again?

I know its not healthy but I really cannot get thoughts of him out of my head. It was only a short relationship so it doesn't make sense to me why I am being like this

You are being like this because you have low self esteem that's why! You were uncomfortable at the start, you wondered why this guy even liked you, you were out of you comfort zone...why me? He got tired of this behaviour and moved on... That's when you sat up and took notice. No one is more attractive than when someone else wants them. Then you think, he was mine first, he adores me so why isn't he running after me...

I doubt the guy was angry with you... you might have misread him ( I could be wrong) but please try and be as honest with yourself as possible. Its easy to blame the other person.

Again I could be completely wrong and I'm only advising based on what I have read. However, let it and him go. Stop freaking out when a guy shows interest and give everyone a chance unless they do something not to deserve it.
You are regretting it because you always want what you can't have but you didn't want it when you had it... horrible lesson to learn but really look at this for what it is and give the next guy a proper chance,
Take care!