The politics of wedding invites

LegacyUser

I work with nine other full-time employees. With their partners this totals 14 people. There is also the company secretary, who is the only person I don't particularly like. There are other workers whom I could probably get away without inviting because they've only recently started.

1) I don't want people to feel obliged to come - that's madness: you save us money by not coming! (I personally can't abide weddings, most of all the politics, but alas herself adores them so I have to go to them.)

2) I would only invite 3 of these people if I were to ignore political considerations. It could be important to mention that two of them happen to be in management and I'd like to invite them because they've given me the extra work that's allowing me to pay for this! It's my way to say 'thank you'. I get on well with everybody but it's very much in a professional capacity. However I don't want to come back to a workforce where noses are out of joint because I didn't invite them.

I can't believe I'm reduced to this sort of neurotic thinking but after this day is over I want to have a healthy work environment to return to so I'm cautious about how to act here. Would anybody with decent social intelligence and awareness of work politics have any sensible advice for me?


Thank you.

Neyite

I think these days, people are more aware that couples have a strict number and budget to adhere to. All you have to say is that you and your partner allocated a certain number of cousins/colleagues each and that was that. I wouldnt go into detail, or apologise profusely, just express regret that your numbers are limited and leave it at that.

Invite who you like from the office, such as the bosses, and maybe one or two colleagues you are closest to then the rest to the afters.

The way I see it is that I would share my day with the people who are helpful on a daily basis to me in the workplace, or the ones who I consider have been mentors/ advisors on my career.

Princess Peach

What kind of a wedding are you having? Are you having an afters that you can just invite them to that so they can come after the meal? Thats a very common thing these days and people totally understand. Its like you do want them there but just can't afford to feed them!

Last wedding I was at was a work one. Only 3 people from work were invited for the whole wedding, not even management. But everyone was invited to come out when the meal and speeches were over for the dancing.

Not sure if thats possible for your wedding but could be an idea! And again you can give invitations for this if you don't want the entire 14 staff to go, just the people you like.

looksee

Think very carefully about the bosses. You are inviting them as a kind of 'thank you' but they may see a wedding as a liability, unless they are also personal friends. Chances are they will refuse, but do you want to give them the hassle of having to come up with an excuse?

poozers

i agree with everyone here. i'd advise to just ask everyone to the afters. the afters of weddings are great fun anyway! they can all stick together if they dont know anyone else. no worries about seating arrangements. and theres enough of them to consider it a big work night out so therell be great excitement! congratulations on the wedding tho

tinkerbell

Just invite who you want to actually invite. If that's 3 people, just invite those. They are just work colleagues, unless they are very close friends of yours, then why should you invite them to the wedding?

I mean think of it this way, if you were throwing a big birthday party for say your 30th, would you like to invite those work people along? Why should it be any different for your wedding?

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

I think these days, people are more aware that couples have a strict number and budget to adhere to. All you have to say is that you and your partner allocated a certain number of cousins/colleagues each and that was that. I wouldnt go into detail, or apologise profusely, just express regret that your numbers are limited and leave it at that.

Princess Peach wrote: »

What kind of a wedding are you having? Are you having an afters that you can just invite them to that so they can come after the meal? Thats a very common thing these days and people totally understand. Its like you do want them there but just can't afford to feed them!

poozers wrote: »

i agree with everyone here. i'd advise to just ask everyone to the afters. the afters of weddings are great fun anyway! they can all stick together if they dont know anyone else. no worries about seating arrangements. and theres enough of them to consider it a big work night out so therell be great excitement! congratulations on the wedding tho

Good ideas. Unfortunately it's around the 200 mark. But apparently @25% of people decline invites. I think I may have mentioned the numbers that will be invited already but I suppose I can roll back on that now as the invites won't be sent out for a month.

Princess Peach wrote: »

Last wedding I was at was a work one. Only 3 people from work were invited for the whole wedding, not even management. But everyone was invited to come out when the meal and speeches were over for the dancing.

Not sure if thats possible for your wedding but could be an idea! And again you can give invitations for this if you don't want the entire 14 staff to go, just the people you like.

The 'Afters' will be the next day, about 166km away. It could be a great way out, though. Thanks. On the negative, I mentioned to two people (in management) that I was inviting them to the main wedding which in hindsight is probably a mistake; if I invite the others to the Afters the offence may be felt. Actually on the point of distance the venue will be @166km from all of the people in my work. Perhaps this distance could change acceptance/declining rates and therefore increase my options?

looksee wrote: »

Think very carefully about the bosses. You are inviting them as a kind of 'thank you' but they may see a wedding as a liability, unless they are also personal friends. Chances are they will refuse, but do you want to give them the hassle of having to come up with an excuse?

Interesting take on it. I told the two management people already but I would be delighted if they said 'No' as that would save my having to ask anybody else. Any ideas on how to make it easy for them to say 'No' if they don't want to come? I could tell them that I'll understand if they say 'No' for management reasons, etc - but that might sound a bit like "an invitation and a dis-invitation" all in one!

tinkerbell wrote: »

Just invite who you want to actually invite. If that's 3 people, just invite those. They are just work colleagues, unless they are very close friends of yours, then why should you invite them to the wedding?

I mean think of it this way, if you were throwing a big birthday party for say your 30th, would you like to invite those work people along? Why should it be any different for your wedding?

No reason just they might feel put out if other staff members are invited but they aren't. None of them are close friends, although the three in question have been particularly helpful to me at work. That's the sole reason why I was going to invite them.

going un-reg

OP, the best way to fix this issue, is for those who you really don't want to be at the actual wedding, just invite them to the Afters.

The Afters is just a party, and with everyone else there I doubt you'd notice the "not wanted".

They'd appreciate being thought about even if they're not at the actual ceremony.

You have to remember that this is YOUR wedding, obligations should take a back seat in this scenario.