Am i asking too much???

LegacyUser

I have been with my partner for 4 1/2 years, we live together and share everything. however lately i feel as if my partner does not want to make an future plans with me i.e get engaged, have children.

anytime i bring the subject up i'm met with a brick wall and i do not know this person anymore..... i do love my partner so much i cannot imagine a day in my life without them, it breaks my heart to think about it.

i have tried to talk to my partner about these issues but im getting nowhere. It is not that i want my own way in these issues i respect my partner and any decision they make.. but i would like to get an answer to these issues..

basically what im asking is, should i take this as a hint that they do not what a future with me???? or am i over reacting???? i will take any advice be it good or bad

thank you

dixiefly

I agree, ask him straight out how he sees the future for you both. I dont know what age you are but, depending upon his response ot lack of response you may need to make a big decision for your longer term good.

Killed By Death

Hi OP, you're right to be worried. Your partner being evasive and stonewalling you indicates a big problem.

There is something she/he is not telling you. You have quite reasonably asked where the relationship is going and she/he has totally refused to be drawn on an answer. If the answer is no or (more likely) they are 'not sure' then she/he should tell you that, not just string you along like this.

You know what you want and that's a good thing. After 4.5 years there is nothing wrong with you wanting to know if there is a future.

Unfortunately your partners behaviour is typical of someone who doesn't see you as 'the one' and is hesitant about a future with you. They are possibly trying to 'buy time' by being evasive. Who knows their reason for not coming clean with you....could be one of those people who is afraid to be alone.....

If no marriage and kids is a dealbreaker for you then you shouldn't ignore this big red flag, the worst thing you could do is just diddle along and see what happens. You could end up wasting years that way.

Neyite

The absence of input to a discussion like that from him, for me anyway, would be all the answer I needed.

I am in a long term relationship, with no sign of marriage on the cards - but we have talked about it, and I am clear how he feels on the issue and clear on his commitment to me. I then had the choice to stay or go.

If your boyfriend cant even confirm that he wants you as part of his future then I'd cut my losses. After 4.5 years and co-habiting, you deserve to know if you are for keeps, or until something better comes along for him.

Caraville

Most of the replies so far have assumed that the OP is female, don't think there's anything to suggest that's the case...

Anyway OP, you're just going to have to communicate more with your partner, which I know is easier said than done, but there is no way you our anyone else here is going to have the answers. I don't think you're adding too much, but perhaps it is too much for your partner, and only he/she can tell you that. It can be scary to open up conversations like that because you might hear something you don't want to hear, but it's still best because at least then you'll know, and will be able to know where you stand. And perhaps as you say you're getting no answers, that's you're answer right there.

LegacyUser

Thank you to everyone for your answers, i guess in my heart i have known the answer all along but was afraid i was thinking too much into it. I'm planning sitting my partner down and discuss how we both feel then go away for a few days to give each of us a chance to think is this what we really want... will keep you updated and thank you all again