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I'm a mess

  • 24-03-2012 7:59pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    This will likely be long winded and all over the place. I don't know.

    Where to begin?

    I'm not OK. In fact, most of the time I'm very not OK. Far from it.

    I was raised by a mother who seems to be ever-so-slowly losing her marbles and a father who has a short fuse, no patience and seems to take enjoyment out of tearing people down. He was very abusive, never physically - just through words and the like, never making me feel like I was worth everything. It still continues, even as an adult.

    It makes it worse that I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at an early age, which still seems to affect me as an adult. I find it hard to understand people, to connect, to express myself properly. I do things that 26 year old men shouldn't do; generally utter weird noises without meaning to or talking strangely. Mostly this just happens without my realizing.

    But that's not my only problem, added to this is a depression I seem to have recurring. That word gets banded around a lot, but I don't know what else to call it.

    My father used to make me feel worthless, that I would never achieve anything in my life. It gets worse when my siblings are so successful - two brothers have phDs and my sister has a successful job. It's like he sees me as .. the reject.

    Maybe I am the reject.

    I have no job, because I desperately needed time off to rest my head, but now it's all coming back.

    I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I.. just don't know.


Comments

  • #2
    PHIDIAS
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 120 ✭✭PHIDIAS


    I'm not OK wrote: »
    This will likely be long winded and all over the place. I don't know.

    Where to begin?

    I'm not OK. In fact, most of the time I'm very not OK. Far from it.

    I was raised by a mother who seems to be ever-so-slowly losing her marbles and a father who has a short fuse, no patience and seems to take enjoyment out of tearing people down. He was very abusive, never physically - just through words and the like, never making me feel like I was worth everything. It still continues, even as an adult.

    It makes it worse that I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at an early age, which still seems to affect me as an adult. I find it hard to understand people, to connect, to express myself properly. I do things that 26 year old men shouldn't do; generally utter weird noises without meaning to or talking strangely. Mostly this just happens without my realizing.

    But that's not my only problem, added to this is a depression I seem to have recurring. That word gets banded around a lot, but I don't know what else to call it.

    My father used to make me feel worthless, that I would never achieve anything in my life. It gets worse when my siblings are so successful - two brothers have phDs and my sister has a successful job. It's like he sees me as .. the reject.

    Maybe I am the reject.

    I have no job, because I desperately needed time off to rest my head, but now it's all coming back.

    I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I.. just don't know.
    Hi there I'm not ok, was just reading your post and i really hope things do get better for you. We are all individuals so don't beat yourself up by comparing yourself to the accomplishments of your siblings be your own person try to find something you love to do and focus on that ,what ever it may be. But you are certainly not worthless by any means infact your are in some rare company with people with such diagnosis ie Albert Einstein. Im not sure where you live but if you can try to contact the Dyspraxia Association in Dublin Dyspraxia Association of Ireland . They have a great web site with support groups and events to participate in. Wish you the best and hope things turn around for you..


  • #3
    saa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭saa


    OP you can call the Samaritans about just stress if you need to vent at any time, its nice to have family but if they are mistreating you, you might need to reassess how much access they have to you if they are making you feel worse or if a parent is expecting things from you when you are the one who needs support.

    I am finding it hard on the job front but I try to tell myself that if I keep thinking the way I do even when I'm in a job I will feel down or find something to be down about, if this is the case for you ( because a lot of people live their lives promising themselves that they will allow themselves to be okay or even happen IF or WHEN something happens or tomorrow but tomorrow never comes or something else crops up, basically there will always be stressors so we must learn how to cope with it)


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