Anonymous sex

LegacyUser

Registered user, going un-reg'd for this.

I'm 25, and I've recently come out as gay, and I'm taking things very slowly. I'm only telling a couple of people, and so on.

I'm totally straight acting, and nobody would know I'm gay (except for maybe my preference for fine clothes and high fashion, but how and ever).

I'm nowhere near ready to get a boyfriend or anything, but obviously the desires to have a sexual encounter with a man are getting to me.

I've been talking to a guy in a chat-room. He lives very close by to me, he's only a couple of years older and we're getting into a dialogue about meeting up and having anonymous sex. He would be the submissive partner, and I'd be the 'top'. This is what we'd both prefer. I would obviously use a condom and all that.

But is it right? I want to experience sex with a man, and I'm getting more and more antsy about it. But is an anonymous sexual encounter the way to go? Should I be more patient and try and find someone? Also, he wants to meet up somewhere outdoors, so there's the legal side of things too... Help!!!

brokenice

tbh, seen as it's your first time with a man, i wouldn't go meet with someone online. my advice is to just head out to a bar or club, chat up some guys, meet them again for a 'date' or whatever and go from there. it won't be too long before you'll be hoppin' into the leaba!

there's nothing wrong with meeting dudes online, different strokes for different folks, but it's all a little too sterile for me. hope that helps

If you do want to experience sex with a guy, am not sure that outdoor is the place to start! Nothing wrong with meeting guys online either.

coolperson05

each to their own! Outdoors is not really fun - could you not meet outside and go back to yours/his?! Also, you could just go to a bar and get drunk and anonymous sex is usually not far away! I've met guys online and it was fine! Just be safe and all that - go and have fun! 99% of people are nice and up for the same thing, fun

gwjones42

I second (or third) the advice of going to a bar first. You'll get a feel for who you're actually attracted to, which will make it all the more exciting if you get chatting to someone. The few drinks will ease the nerves beforehand!

BuffyBot

The simple truth is that no one can tell you what is right for you. It's something only you can decide upon. Bear in mind there is no perfect first time, and like any experiment it can succeed or fail. Failure isn't a bad thing, it just helps you understand how to do things better in future.

Dwn Wth Vwls

You don't have to accept the first offer you get, just because you really want to try it. It's not that hard to arrange a coffee date with someone, it doesn't have to be anonymous. If someone isn't willing to put in the effort of going for a coffee, then they really don't give a crap about you as a person and that doesn't bode well.

You're going to want to have sex on more than one occasion, so you might as well meet someone you can have a chat with and meet again, as opposed to someone who wants to hide in the bushes. If it's your first time, you're not going to want someone who just leaves once they're done.

oisindoyle

@OP..
Well it isn't really anonymous sex is it ?You sort of know him albeit online ,but it's something ...
As for your question wel the vast majority of gay guys have done and do have hook up with guys they meet online ,,just for fun ,,,I think we call them "F**k buddys"...lol
They are there for no strings fun ,simple as that !!!
By all means go and have fun with this guy ,but try and get a room free house or whatever ,outdoor sex ,aint too appealing ....
Dos and donts.....
Well just because you are gay ,doesn't mean you "have to have anal sex" ,you DON"T...Theres lots of things you can do ,,,,use your imagination
No matter how passionate you get aslways always always play safe ,use condoms ....
Your first meet you will probably be rattling and nervous as hell ,,,we all have ,,but thats kinda part of it ,,,the thrill if you like ..
Afterwards you will probably feel dirty and guilty and go home and shower and clean yourself like never before ,,,,again it's normal ,,we all have done it ....
Whatever you decide take your time ,suss a guy out and if you do decide to hook up ,,,enjoy have fun ..
Congrats on coming out by the way

BettyM

Should I? wrote: »

ing to me.

I've been talking to a guy in a chat-room. He lives very close by to me, he's only a couple of years older and we're getting into a dialogue about meeting up and having anonymous sex. He would be the submissive partner, and I'd be the 'top'. This is what we'd both prefer. I would obviously use a condom and all that.

But is it right?

This is a question you'll have to answer for yourself. It might nor be "right" for a christian, or someone who is married, but it might be "right" for others.

The desire for sex is certainly natural, so in that sense it is completely right.

While most of us have been freed from the dictates of various churches, where we were told who we were allowed to sleep with, and in what positions, and where virginal nuns told girls their vaginas were their "shame", and many of us still carry the overhang of that guilt.

No one else can tell you what is "right" for you when ti comes to who you choose to sleep with and when and how.

youngblood

I was in your situation a few years ago
Just came out and wanted some no strings fun

From someone who has been there done that, Can I please advise you not to go down this route.

Chat to guys on line, meet up for coffee, go on dates, take your time and you will enjoy the experience much much more!

You dont want your first gay experience to feel clinical, anonymous, and detached.

Lookin back in a few years time when you've met the love of your life, do you really want to have "that" memory of your first time for the rest of your life?

Listen, different strokes/different folks, totally your choice in the end, do what feels right for you!

anotherlostie

I don't see the big deal to be honest. It might be easier for you to break your duck with someone you don't really know. Personally I find the notion of the first time being special as something belonging to either the Jane Austen or Sarah Palin schools of thought.

If you don't have much experience of chatting up guys, it is hard work - so do it in a chat room instead and get to know a person. If you're any way intuitive you'll pick up a lot about a person in a chat. Personally I think it's easier than talking in a noisy bar with your mates watching on and then deciding that someone will do when you're likely to be p!ssed! The equivalent of the drunken lechers in a bar are the ones who post the same message every three minutes, often wanting you to do something to them with your hand - avoid like you would in the pub!

The main thing is to be safe and if you don't enjoy it, just try again. And don't expect a reasonable person to meet you without seeing a face picture first - it should set off more alarm bells if they don't insist on this!!!

BettyM

anotherlostie wrote: »

If you don't have much experience of chatting up guys, it is hard work - so do it in a chat room instead and get to know a person.

I had to read this a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Chat rooms are all smoke and mirrors, and it is more usual to get to know someone's online personality in a chat room, as opposed to the person themself.

Chat rooms are more or less designed to not get to know anyone, and in my experience its a pretty rotten way of getting to know anyone. For me, the only way to get to know them is to get to know them in person, over a drink or a coffee and definitely not in a chat room.

anotherlostie

BettyM wrote: »

I had to read this a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Chat rooms are all smoke and mirrors, and it is more usual to get to know someone's online personality in a chat room, as opposed to the person themself.

Chat rooms are more or less designed to not get to know anyone, and in my experience its a pretty rotten way of getting to know anyone. For me, the only way to get to know them is to get to know them in person, over a drink or a coffee and definitely not in a chat room.

And sure isn't one of the best things about the internet that we can agree to disagree (regardless of how many times we read the other person's point of view)

You've obviously had very different experiences to me. Two of my best gay friends are people I made first contact with in a chat room and I would not have agreed to meet them if I hadn't struck up a rapport online (and we're friends because nothing else ever got in the way thereafter).

I stand by my original assertion - you can find out a lot more about a person chatting online than a short drunken conversation in a noisy bar. Of course you get to know a person better when you meet them face to face but it's that initial contact I refer to. Personally I find it hard to approach a stranger in a bar, and I'm relatively unfriendly/ wary when someone approaches me. That's how I'm wired and I can't help it and I know I'm not alone in being like that - breaking the ice in a chat room is a good (and efficient...) way to progress to meeting someone for a drink or anything else. And that's not for everyone - if you're the life and soul of the party you might not feel the need to type to make connections that way (but I reckon most of those people probably don't have boards/gaydar accounts anyway...)

And I think I've veered way off topic now too but I wanted to explain where I was coming from.

BettyM

anotherlostie wrote: »

I stand by my original assertion - you can find out a lot more about a person chatting online than a short drunken conversation in a noisy bar. Of course you get to know a person better when you meet them face to face but it's that initial contact I refer to.

Of course it's possible, no one could reasonably suggest otherwise. And if thats what you want to do, then go for it.

For me, my experience of gaydar chat is that it's not very effective or efficient at producing that outcome, mainly because guys are untruthful while hiding behing the anonymous nature of gadyar.

So if one wants to make a friend, its likely that one will have to spend loads of time, perhaps even years, talking to married men pretending to be single, 50 year olds pretending to be 21, insomniacs in Australia who like to chat, guys with partners looking for something other than that which they pretend they are looknig for, and so and so on.

I haven't been in a gaydar chat room for quite some time, and it would not be my first choice of place to find a real life friend, or a partner. Curiously I have made some good real friends there, and also met my partner there, but not as a result of chatting, and we never once chatted in a chat room there.

If someone else chooses to spend their time on gaydar seeking friends, thats their choice, but lets not pretend that gaydar chat is an effective or efficient way of finding friends.

AodhDub

BettyM wrote: »

...Curiously I have made some good real friends there, and also met my partner there, but not as a result of chatting, and we never once chatted in a chat room there.

How the hell did that work? Don't keep it a secret like!