'Infatuation' with my ex.

LegacyUser

Last summer, I started seeing a guy. I can honestly say that at the age of 21, he was the first person I ever truly had a romantic interest in - seriously, for a long time I worried there was something wrong with me because I just never felt anything for anyone! Anyway, to put it mildly, he was a catch. Very attractive, sought-after, intelligent, talented. He seemed very interested in me for a while - unfortunately, he was not looking for something serious and so we had short periods of dating intercepted by months of minimal contact, the occasional text. Eventually, he ended it for good about a month ago, saying he had been in love with someone and in some ways still is and realized he would never feel the same about me. (Kinda harsh, I know...)
At first, I was fine. About a week afterwards, hit me like a ton of bricks. I was heartbroken, waterworks, the lot. However, I had met another guy very shortly after, and started dating him almost immediately.
I've know Guy 2 for about a month now. He's lovely and funny and charming and treats me like a princess. When I'm with him, I'm very happy - but when I'm not in his company, I barely think about him. I am still so infatuated with the old flame who, as charming as he was, never ever treated me right - because he never was truly interested in a real relationship with me, I guess.
So even though, I am seeing someone with whom I have a much more loving, functional relationship, I'm still pretty crazy about the ex. I dig for information on him from mutual friends, I go to places where I know there's a chance he might be, he's somewhat in the public eye (so to speak) so I watch clips of him on Youtube etc. I know this isn't healthy and I'm embarrassed admitting to it so please don't judge!
Basically, I'm scared that I'm f*cking up a potential relationship with someone I do enjoy spending time with, by constantly obsessing over my ex - OR is it a sign that the new guy is not right for me if I'm still so hung up on someone else?! I know a relationship with my ex is out of the question and deep down I know we're not right together, but I just have this weird obsession with him. Is it just because he was the first person I had feelings for? When/how will I get over him?
I don't want to stop seeing the new guy because I do enjoy spending time with him, but I feel like an awful person for thinking about my ex all the time when he's being such a sweetheart to me.

I am a friend

unregistered wrote: »

I'm still pretty crazy about the ex.

Well then you should not be in a new relationship...

IrishEyes19

Don't beat yourself up about it, OP. People affect us in different ways and ex's are a tricky business, its hard not to get caught up in the emotions of what you feel for someone so short after the relationship ends. A month is not a long time. I can tell you hand on heart it takes much longer to get over someone you really cared about/loved even, and it doesnt happen over night. I dont believe either, that it just disappears when you meet the right one. It takes time. But you will find that over time it will lessen until it doesnt hurt anymore make you think back on it negatively or wishfully. Even an ex who hurt you, and didnt treat you right can still grate on your mind and in fact it hurts even more when you cared more than they did. Horrible situation but it does get better. It really does.

give the guy you are seeing now your absolute best of you. If you find yourself dwelling on your ex, just correct yourself and busy yourself. You arent over your ex no, but that doesnt mean you cant take it easy and enjoy your time with this guy who sounds lovely. its no ones place either to tell you that its too early to date. Just do what feels right for you and try and be happy. you deserve a good run with someone decent. best of luck

going un-reg

You do know this person you're with now is a rebound, right? If you're not over your ex, that's exactly what he is.

Usually people do that to fill the void that is created when they don't have access to the intimacy of a relationship anymore, having someone in their life etc.

You need to be honest with your current relationship, it's not fair on him at all. If I thought the person I was seeing wasn't over their ex, I'd not want to be with them.

_dublinlad_

Been there. Bought the t-shirt.

Listen. My advice to you is either;

1) Dump your current bf today and spend at least 6 months on your own not looking at your ex ex's stuff. I know being alone sounds terrifying right now but it really will help you get your head right after a good few months off only concentrating on yourself. From personal experience this is your best bet.

2) Slap youself in the head and tell yourself how great this new guy is. Dont compare guys - this always ends badly. Fully comit to this new lad and give it a few months to see if it progresses. You will soon forget about the other guy if the new guy is worth it.

I made the mistake of picking secret option number 3. I continued on with my new gf in a so so type of way for a year, I finally realised that I was crazy about her and she called it a day because I wasnt treating her well enough - I didnt commit. So whatever you do dont go down option number 3 (as it sounds like you currently are) and pick one or two.

Good luck.