father accused my mother of affair which is lies and kicked the man to the ground

ann100

In 2005 I joined a marching band. I went to Manchester with the group and my mother came along.
I was only 17 at the time
I dont get on with my father or my brother.
My mother wasn’t getting on with my father. They were rowing and he was shouting at her. Would not let her out with her friends.
One night my mother was in the car with her friend Mary and he knock at her window and frighten her and shouted at my mother to get out. I was in the car as well. I was frightened as I was only 17.
Then my mother packed a bag and we left. We had nowhere to go. And we met this man and he ask us had we anywhere to go and he took us in for the night.
Then that morning my father met us out accuses the man of having an affair with my mother which is untrue. I was there. And he won’t believe me. my father accuses the man of stealing and this is lies.
Then my father and my brother kicked the man in the back on the ground. And he had all blood on his neck. He only came out of hospital not long from an operation.
This man made a statement but never brought it to court.
This happened 7 years ago and still believes the lies.
The man wants to clear his name And so does my mother
This man said he will take it to court to prove it and bring the man who told my father lies
Also My father said he got a disease from my mother. He went to the doctors
My mother said she will get a DNA test to prove it
My granny – my father mother and his brother are ashamed what my father did
he said he would strangle this man
ps he has a gun in the house
Any advice?
Thanks for reading

blatantrereg

Go to the guards.

Lots of victim blame here. The man who got kicked to the ground is eager to prove himself to the people who did it. The woman married to a man who won't let her out with her friends wants to prove herself to him too.

The whole situation is ****ed up and backwards. They need to stop trying to appease the villain and go to the guards.

And of course your mother needs to separate from your father.

ann100

thanks for the reply
my mother wants to leave him
she went to the guards they told her to get a protection or safety order
my mother is in fear of him.
her husband will think she is going to live with him

on the other thing my mother and the man will have to bring him to court. thats was from iddle news and gossip.

But how can they prove to the court they did not have an affair
would DNA PROVE IT

Neyite

ann100 wrote: »

But how can they prove to the court they did not have an affair
would DNA PROVE IT

No, DNA would not prove whether or not someone had sex 7 years ago.

Your mother needs to separate, and needs to move the hell on. So does the other guy. They are not going to prove that they didnt have sex 7 years ago and now its more about the drama. Let the guy bring your father to court for assault.

And you need to stay out of their dramas, for your own good. They are all adults and can sort out their own crap.

blatantrereg

ann100 wrote: »

thanks for the reply
my mother wants to leave him
she went to the guards they told her to get a protection or safety order
my mother is in fear of him.
her husband will think she is going to live with him

on the other thing my mother and the man will have to bring him to court. thats was from iddle news and gossip.

But how can they prove to the court they did not have an affair
would DNA PROVE IT

The court wont care too much if they had an affair or not. It's not criminal to have an affair.

DNA would only prove paternity, if that was called into question.

Nabber

blatantrereg wrote: »

The court wont care too much if they had an affair or not. It's not criminal to have an affair.

I presume the case would be one of slanderous nature.

Doubt it will get anywhere tho.

blatantrereg

Nabber wrote: »

I presume the case would be one of slanderous nature.

Doubt it will get anywhere tho.

It would be up to the slanderer to prove they did then. There's no reason for them to prove they had no affair inside or outside of the courtroom. All they're doing by trying to is validating the father's behaviour.

WhyGoBald

Your father's lies are absolutely irrelevant to the situation. His threats of violence are not. Your mother has been given good advice by the guards, and she should listen to them.

up for anything

If your mother is serious about leaving your father because of his treatment of her she should contact Safe Ireland or Women's Aid both are organisations which help abused women and their dependent children either enabling them to remain safely in the family home or offering them a refugee and help to get set up elsewhere. They are also a great source of relevant information and advice and are completely non-judgemental. Citizens Advice are also a very helpful place to call into for advice on options.

Here's some information on barring and safety orders. However, these are only as useful if the person whom they are taken out against is of a mind to obey them.

From the sound of it, your mother and you are better off out of the situation completely. If she does manage to provide your father with some sort of proof that they didn't sleep together and that she didn't pass on an STI to him, I doubt he will believe it - he will accuse the world and his mother of conspiring to cover up her wrong doings. Get him out of there or get her out of there.

Best of luck, it's not an easy situation to be caught up in.

ann100

thanks everyone for all your advice.
my mother is still living with my father.
I want to move out. And she doesnt want me to go. I am 24.
When i move out before. My father said she couldnt visit me. and my mother blame everyone for me going.
Then i moved back home.

dont know what to do i wont be moving far. just 15 - 20 mins drive

LittleBook

Both you and your mother need to leave, end of story.

While I understand you feel you are abandoning your mother if you move out, it could be the best thing in that if you do it she might follow.

Your father sounds like a nightmare, why didn't the man press charges against him and your brother when they assaulted him?

In any case, advise your mother to contact the groups in up_for_anything's post and get out of there.

It seems to me there is nothing you, your mother or this other man could ever do to convince him that what he believes is not true and any further attempts to do this could only make the situation worse. Your personal safety and mental health are much, much more important than trying to clear up idle gossip.