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Friend has bad depression. Would this be a good idea?

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  • 23-03-2012 1:13pm
    #1
    readyletsgo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,276 ✭✭✭


    Wondering if someone could advise me on this one.

    My good friend is suffering from depression at the moment and he is fully aware of it also, but he has big exams coming up in the next few months and wants to ignore the depression until after these exams are over as he is afraid that a few things might come up that he might find hard to deal with and might interfere with his study and final exam results, I can see his point of view on this.

    Now, the thing I was hoping someone here could help with is, he has a birthday coming up and he doesnt want to do anything for it, he just wants it to pass with no fuss at all, but I want to be a good friend and was thinking of getting him (this is the thing) a voucher to see a physiatrist to help him with his depression after his exams as I have a feeling after the exams he will not go see anyone and just throw himself into work and things will get much worse.

    He does tell me a lot of things of whats going on but he knows he should see someone and also I have never had depression this bad so I dont really know what to be saying to him except just being there for him tbh, thats all a person can do I guess.

    I do think this would be a good idea to get a voucher so he can start the ball rolling himself, but I guess I am asking, if you are dealing with depression how would you feel if a friend gave you a voucher to talk to someone? Would you be offended? Hurt? Happy? :confused:

    *Sorry for the messy post


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    #2
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    To be honest it would really depend on the person and where their mind is.

    If someone gave me a voucher, whilst I'd appreciate the thought, I would feel pressure from them to use it. I would also wonder why they would choose to 'celebrate' my birthday with something so serious.
    (I know you've lovely intentions behind it, and I'm far from disputing that)

    Also they may wish to suss out their own professional to attend, I wouldn't like someone choosing where I was to go for me.
    That's just my personal opinion, it could be taken well, but it could be taken very much the other way.


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    #3
    readyletsgo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,276 ✭✭✭readyletsgo


    star-pants wrote: »
    To be honest it would really depend on the person and where their mind is.

    If someone gave me a voucher, whilst I'd appreciate the thought, I would feel pressure from them to use it. I would also wonder why they would choose to 'celebrate' my birthday with something so serious.
    (I know you've lovely intentions behind it, and I'm far from disputing that)

    Also they may wish to suss out their own professional to attend, I wouldn't like someone choosing where I was to go for me.
    That's just my personal opinion, it could be taken well, but it could be taken very much the other way.

    Thanks for that Star!

    Thats what I was thinking tbh, but want to help him and thought It as an idea, as he is so dead set against his birthdya this year.

    But your right, it might put too much pressure on him.

    Maybe when he's ready I'll just help him out looking for someone.


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    #4
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    readyletsgo wrote: »
    Maybe when he's ready I'll just help him out looking for someone.

    I think that's best, you appear to be a very good friend, who is understanding as well as helpful and that's gold dust to him I'm sure.

    All you can do is be there, and be supportive, but it has to be him who makes the decision when and where to seek help (excluding certain circumstances of course).

    Maybe do something lowkey for his birthday :)


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    #5
    readyletsgo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,276 ✭✭✭readyletsgo


    Yeah he knows he can talk about anything to me, but also knows its not really fair to talk about himself all the time too which is true in a way, but I'll be there to listen and help as best I can, thats what buddies do.

    Yeah will sort something for the birthday, prob have a games and few cans night or something like that, or maybe he'll change his mind and want to go out on a mad one.

    Thanks very much for your advice Star-Pants (deadly name :) by the way)


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    #6
    grey_so_what
    Registered Users Posts: 19,749 ✭✭✭✭grey_so_what


    Readyletsgo - you sound like a really good friend - fair play to you!...:)


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    #7
    looksee
    Registered Users Posts: 28,155 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Agree with the others OP, you are doing your best for your friend, fair play to you. I wonder about the psychiatrist though. The best first port of call would be a GP, s/he would have a much better idea of what help your friend needed, a psychiatrist might not be necessary.


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    #8
    darlett
    Registered Users Posts: 2,312 ✭✭✭darlett


    Admirable intentions op. A friend with genuine depression is hard to cope with, and too easy to walk away from. I do think getting a voucher for that perhaps in a birthday card would be very deflating to say the least! But if you can just being there as company, maybe with other friends and a few drinks if thats your thing is good enough. With exams coming up its understandable on every level that your friend doesnt want a big blow out. Good luck.


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