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Boyfriend over weight
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22-03-2012 10:55pm#1
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Him being 5ft9 and 17 stone is ... too big.
I can relate to this as my GF has given me a polite nudge to lose a bit of weight as i've gained quite the few pounds in recent months
(But I have no problem with her telling me as I am the type who wants to be in shape)
But it sounds like he doesnt see his weight as an issue. So it can be tricky. Besides no one wants to be flat out rude to their partner (well, no decent person anyways)
Its a cliche response... But an option is to buy him a gym membership.
You could flat out buy him one (But can be see as an insult) or pass it off as a christmas or birthday present. If afterwards he is hesitant to go just say "well it cost money, get some use out of it"
(Tip, DO NOT pay for personal trainer lessons. Nothing you can't learn online) 0 -
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I'm 17 stonehittingbrickwall wrote: »I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now.. love him to bits.. the only thing is over the last year he has put on so much weight. I ask him to go for walks with me, he won't ... he gets fast food all the time... any time I mention it to him he just turns on me saying Im always moaning... The thing is he's at a size now that I'm beginning to no longer find him attractive..
None of his clothes fit him. How do I make him realise that he needs to loose the weight. His breathing is so heavy its actually beginning to annoy me.. Is it going to take a heart attack for him to wake up and smell the coffee.
Oh he is 5ft 9" and about 17 stone.. but working on it. I was even heavier than that, but changing occupations and ditching some bad gaming habits dropped a lot of weight off.
it was joint and upper back pains for me (that I was mistaking as chest pains, but it wasnt. fortunately!). Good cardio is needed for good energy levels. But its hard to work on cardio if a good select group of your muscle groups are - well, basically in atrophy. Muscle atrophy is obviously a big health problem but in addition to the obvious it's also thought to have links to cancer, along with cell phones and not believing in Jesus
Sadly however trying to explain this to someone is terribly ineffective, it is in effect one of those things you either learn yourself or you don't. Either way for myself that means having to slowly rebuild a lot of my muscles before I can get down to actually losing tens of pounds with any chance of successfully keeping it off.
My advice relates to my own wants: I still live at home and would love a few home food mods, like substituting for Organic meats. We already grow salad veggies. The next step for me and a ways from you is to substitute most/all dairy products. Almond Milk is actually a great tasting substitute (albeit a funky-looking one, aesthetically), and I prefer Vegannaise in every way to regular egg mayonaise, which makes me nauseous just thinking about what's in it and how much of it goes into some of the food thats been cooked around here. Bleh. You can also replace other staples, like bread, with healthier varieties like whole or multi-grain (multi grain is the BEST. Unless you hate nuts. Then I am sorry for you!) Ultimately though those are relatively small diet changes we're discussing, but it's a good start.
Eating correctly is definitely more expensive to do, but that in itself needs to be factored up against potential costs of medical care (both fiscal and, well, well-being costs).
I wouldn't waste money signing him up for a gym. He has to make that decision on his own. And frankly, there are always a lot of gyms, but only a few which actually are going to Click with you. I've visited dozens of gyms before which all promise the same thing, but if it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't. I've found one that suits me finally, but that took time and effort to do.
tl;dr version is I started looking at it all again seriously when my family started changing their lifestyles. My mom, stepdad both went vegan after my brother did it (he was always a veggie, growing up). After he got them hooked on Food Inc and Food Matters documentaries they took the pepsi challenge and for all of their part I have seen that they are in the best shape of their lives. My mom always suffered chronic exhaustion and headaches. When she switched over, she was hiking several miles each day. And now she can't sit still. All you can do OP is get fit and healthy for your own sake, and with hope he will view your accomplishments as something he is able to do himself, and he'll take it up himself. If not? Relationship thread right: hard to be with a guy that doesn't want to help himself..0 -
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I'm 17 stone but working on it. I was even heavier than that, but changing occupations and ditching some bad gaming habits dropped a lot of weight off.
it was joint and upper back pains for me (that I was mistaking as chest pains, but it wasnt. fortunately!). Good cardio is needed for good energy levels. But its hard to work on cardio if a good select group of your muscle groups are - well, basically in atrophy. Muscle atrophy is obviously a big health problem but in addition to the obvious it's also thought to have links to cancer, along with cell phones and not believing in Jesus Sadly however trying to explain this to someone is terribly ineffective, it is in effect one of those things you either learn yourself or you don't. Either way for myself that means having to slowly rebuild a lot of my muscles before I can get down to actually losing tens of pounds with any chance of successfully keeping it off.
My advice relates to my own wants: I still live at home and would love a few home food mods, like substituting for Organic meats. We already grow salad veggies. The next step for me and a ways from you is to substitute most/all dairy products. Almond Milk is actually a great tasting substitute (albeit a funky-looking one, aesthetically), and I prefer Vegannaise in every way to regular egg mayonaise, which makes me nauseous just thinking about what's in it and how much of it goes into some of the food thats been cooked around here. Bleh. You can also replace other staples, like bread, with healthier varieties like whole or multi-grain (multi grain is the BEST. Unless you hate nuts. Then I am sorry for you!) Ultimately though those are relatively small diet changes we're discussing, but it's a good start.
Eating correctly is definitely more expensive to do, but that in itself needs to be factored up against potential costs of medical care (both fiscal and, well, well-being costs).
I wouldn't waste money signing him up for a gym. He has to make that decision on his own. And frankly, there are always a lot of gyms, but only a few which actually are going to Click with you. I've visited dozens of gyms before which all promise the same thing, but if it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't. I've found one that suits me finally, but that took time and effort to do.
tl;dr version is I started looking at it all again seriously when my family started changing their lifestyles. My mom, stepdad both went vegan after my brother did it (he was always a veggie, growing up). After he got them hooked on Food Inc and Food Matters documentaries they took the pepsi challenge and for all of their part I have seen that they are in the best shape of their lives. My mom always suffered chronic exhaustion and headaches. When she switched over, she was hiking several miles each day. And now she can't sit still. All you can do OP is get fit and healthy for your own sake, and with hope he will view your accomplishments as something he is able to do himself, and he'll take it up himself. If not? Relationship thread right: hard to be with a guy that doesn't want to help himself..
He too is getting chest pains and heart problems run in his family. He told me last night he feels like he has no energy. I told him he needs to loose weight and he would get loads of energy from walking and he said he just couldn't be arsed. So is he depressed? I'm not sure he would take it well if i told him he was looosing his attraction.. Hes someone who never listens to ANYTHING I say... I didn't sleep a wink last night.. its affecting our sex life and I'm fed up....0 -
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All of that could be signs of anything. In my case it could have either been cardio or back related, but a doctor can make that determination for you. I did, in fact visit my GP last week and he went to the trouble of examining me pretty much head to toe with a stethoscope before giving my circulatory system a green light. I'd reccomend a wellness visit, even if just for the poor energy levels. It's not normal to feel drained or tired constantly. Also it sounds simple, but drink plenty of water to promote good circulation. I drink at least a pint of water every morning before I take in any other food or drink like coffee. Sometimes two, and over the course of the day you should have at least 2 litres. What strikes me as funny is that sounds like a lot, until you think about how easily some people would chug down that much coke or beer in a couple hours. I've been there, wanting to do stuff but having no energy to do it sucks.hittingbrickwall wrote: »He too is getting chest pains and heart problems run in his family. He told me last night he feels like he has no energy. I told him he needs to loose weight and he would get loads of energy from walking and he said he just couldn't be arsed. So is he depressed? I'm not sure he would take it well if i told him he was looosing his attraction.. Hes someone who never listens to ANYTHING I say... I didn't sleep a wink last night.. its affecting our sex life and I'm fed up....
On the sex life, had you thought about trying some 'reward' tactics for getting himself in better shape?
Depression happens too, but having gone through some of that myself (some periods worse than others) I'm inclined to believe that many periods of depression can be halted, or even prevented, by maintaining good energy levels. Not to say that depression doesn't happen for other reasons or to perfectly healthy people, but if you have low energy and poor health you are especially at risk for it. Also, try some non-roasted cashews, has great properties for being a natural anti-depressant0 -
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All of that could be signs of anything. In my case it could have either been cardio or back related, but a doctor can make that determination for you. I did, in fact visit my GP last week and he went to the trouble of examining me pretty much head to toe with a stethoscope before giving my circulatory system a green light. I'd reccomend a wellness visit, even if just for the poor energy levels. It's not normal to feel drained or tired constantly. Also it sounds simple, but drink plenty of water to promote good circulation. I drink at least a pint of water every morning before I take in any other food or drink like coffee. Sometimes two, and over the course of the day you should have at least 2 litres. What strikes me as funny is that sounds like a lot, until you think about how easily some people would chug down that much coke or beer in a couple hours. I've been there, wanting to do stuff but having no energy to do it sucks.
On the sex life, had you thought about trying some 'reward' tactics for getting himself in better shape?
Depression happens too, but having gone through some of that myself (some periods worse than others) I'm inclined to believe that many periods of depression can be halted, or even prevented, by maintaining good energy levels. Not to say that depression doesn't happen for other reasons or to perfectly healthy people, but if you have low energy and poor health you are especially at risk for it. Also, try some non-roasted cashews, has great properties for being a natural anti-depressant
We recently moved house to a location I didn't like (too far from family, work) He promised me he would change his lifestyle and get healthy and go for walks... Then when we moved there.. I confronted him about not changing as he had promised .. he just said "I lied"0 -
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I was heavily overweight about two years ago, I have worked on it and now have a normal BMI
! My friends, siblings, parents used to give gentle hints, it didn't work-he needs a push! He needs somebody to tell him he is putting himself at major risks of diabetes, heart disease, breathing problems. You need to be straight with him, no pussyfooting around it. One day my brother told me to cop on and sort myself out, I was shocked, hurt, upset, angry at the time but I got over it and now I thank him!
As the saying goes, you've got to be cruel to be kind!
He probably is depressed, but no wonder-I was depressed when I looked in the mirror and saw myself-an overweight, unhealthy mess!
Sit him down, talk to him, explain how you feel-that your concerned for his future health and that you want to work with him to improve things.
I wouldn't buy him a gym membership unless you were going to get one for yourself so you could both go together and you could offer him moral support.
Walking for a few weeks before joining the gym is a good idea, to build up some strenght as gyms can be intimidating initially.0 -
This is probably going to sound a bit harsh, so apologies if it does. I don't mean to offend.
Why are you passing off the horrible way he has treated you as him just being touchy about his weight? You can be touchy and get irritable without LYING to your partner and refusing to talk to them. That is just nasty, childish behaviour and frankly I'm shocked that he's acting like that at his age. I really thought he'd be about my age (22) from your descriptions of his ridiculous behaviour.
Look, I've been where your boyfriend is. I suffer from pretty bad depression (I receive treatment) and 18 months ago, I weighed in at 19 stone. I'm female, and around 5'1, so you can imagine how obese I was. Do you know what prompted me to lose it? I was sick of not being able to walk up flights of stairs in work (we have to walk up 6 flights to get to the staff room, no lift) without needing to take a break after each flight and relax for ten minutes once I reached the staff room. 18 months on, I'm about 12 stone. I still need to lose another 2 stone or so, but I'm a size 14, healthy, fit and happier. Yes, it's embarrassing and hurtful being told to lose weight, but he has to do it, simple as.
You need to stop putting up with his bullsh!t excuses and snarky attitude to be totally honest. I lost my weight through exercise mainly at the start, followed by some very tough dieting. When I say exercise, I don't mean going for a walk. I mean power walking, jogging and running until my feet bled and I couldn't walk anymore, then going into work the next day and running around all day in work (I work in a fast paced, physically demanding job where I'm running around all day). I had to soak my feet for an hour each night, and walked like a cripple for a month or two, to be frank, but that's what I had to do to get the weight off.
Going for a walk, he's gonna burn at most about 200 calories. That's being generous. To lose even one pound per week, he needs to cut 500 calories every single day from his diet. I'd be aiming to cut 700-1000 a day (if he eats takeaways every night, just replace them with something very healthy and bang, job done pretty much, and no fizzy drinks) AND exercising off another 500 cals a day. That'd give him a weight loss of a little over 2lbs per week, which is a healthy, sustainable amount to lose.
He has no excuses. He clearly doesn't care all that much since his idea of appeasing you is to say he'll go for a walk on Sunday. Why not yesterday? Why not today? A walk is not going to fix him or fix anything that's wrong with your relationship as a result of his weight.
Well done, congratulations, such an achievement 0
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