to keep in contact or not

LegacyUser

Hey there,

Gonna try my best to keep this short. I had been going out with a girl who for about 7 months who has since emigrated to australia for a period of two years. She decided to move for career reasons and I fully supported her. I was going through a lot with regards to work and study, so I wouldn't exactly have been the best boyfriend. She is now gone about 2 months. We had discussed getting back together and all that, and after she left we had kept regular, almost daily contact, via text, phonecalls and skype. We even discussed me visiting, and I had planned to visit her during the summer for a few weeks.

I am absolutely crazy about her and I'm thinking about her everyday, so much so that my job and personal life is starting to suffer. I made the mistake of looking at few pictures of her on facebook while she was out in Australia, and I felt physically sick for the rest of the day. I just can't deal with the thought of other guys hitting on her.

Pretty much straight away I texted her saying how much I missed her etc, but I realised I was being a complete idiot. Soon after I said to her that I didn't think it was healthy having so much contact and that we should tone it down. She said she had been thinking the same thing. She also said she missed me etc, and that sometimes she couldn't help herself and wanted to call me.

Now I'm a bit of a dilemma. Do I try cut her off completely or do I keep in contact with her.. With regard to visiting her, I'm starting to think its a bad idea. I already said goodbye to her once and I don't want to do it again. Besides the whole idea of getting back together for a few months while I'm there seems pretty empty.

But I'm worried that if I don't stay in contact, I'll lose her forever.

Granted, I dont have a whole lot of experience with regards to relationships.. I'm a very private, independent person so I find it very difficult to take a chance or to commit to anyone. I've only really had one other "serious" relationship a few years ago and it turned sour pretty quickly.

So sometimes, I feel like I just need to man up and get back out there.. I feel that I should go get langered some night and go on the pull.. But in fairness I've no interest in any of that at the moment.. I do however feel like getting quite drunk, regardless. The whole thing is eating me up inside. Deep down I'm afraid that shes moved on already.

Guess its just gonna take time, huh?

R.D. aka MR.D

Yep time is the best healer for a break-up.

But you have to either cut contact or get back together- as in you move over there to be with her. I know that sounds very black and white but they are the only options that won't eat you up inside.

If moving over there isn't an option for you then you have your answer.

Trust me the first 2 weeks or so of no contact is the worst.

thebossanova

Hi OP, I'm in the same position myself, but a bit further along. As R.D. said, you need to either bite the bullet and go and be with her or break contact altogether.

My situation at the moment is that we email every 2/3 weeks just to let each other know how we are (writing as friends, not gf/bf) and I can say even keeping contact minimal I'm finding it hard. This is a compromise we've come to at the moment, and even though I'm not exactly happy about it, she needs it as well. We've been off and on for a good few years and losing contact with her is not an option for either of us. For me, this is a girl I would spend the rest of my life with, and we're certain it'll happen down the line, but the time just isn't right at the moment as we're in different places (literally and figuratively).

Best thing I did was get off Facebook. As you said seeing her over there in great weather/great places with all these new friends can be very, very gut wrenching, so at least do that. Time is a healer though, and so is finding someone else, but we all know the difficulty in the latter.