Going through a pretty rough patch

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

I moved to Sligo from Dublin about 9 months ago after I was offered a graduate programme in a good company. The wages aren't great but the experience will be. I left my PhD early to take the job and decided to write up part time. My girlfriend decided to move down with me. Since then:

In December my girlfriend left me in Sligo and went back to Dublin without telling me. In January she was in hospital with stress for a couple of days.
I then found out she was lying to me about most things she told me
The bills she was supposed to be covering came in saying they had never been paid and along with that I'm left to pay two peoples rent
Then she tells me that she got pregnant in July and had an abortion without telling me

I'm still in Sligo traveling back to Dublin most weekends because I know nobody down here, not even one person to go for a pint with
It's very tough trying to get through this on my own, I really feel I need to be with friends/family and I have to work 55 - 60 hrs / week untill the project is finished in 4 weeks. I'm supposed to be working here until at least Jan 2013

We have since broken up and I really feel like just quitting and moving back to Dublin but I would be letting a good oportunity go especially these days when it's so hard to get a job. The PhD is on hold as I don't have the time to do it and all these things (break up, abortion, loneliness) are really stressing me out, so much that I've had thoughts of suicide even though I wouldn't carry through on something like that

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest any advice would be appreciated

Ickle Magoo

If you ever feel suicidal, you should contact your GP immediately and let them know how you are feeling.

IF you need to talk to anyone in the interim, you may find some useful contacts HERE.

All the very best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the links, I'll have a look through them.

I suppose it's not really suicidal but everything is just after happening in a short space of time and it feels like there is a lot of pressure in my head

Ickle Magoo

It sounds like an awful lot has landed on your plate in a very short space of time and you have no support network around you to help you deal with it.

Are you entitled to any holidays Lonely soldier? If not then maybe speak to your HR dept or boss about taking at least a couple of days leave so you can go to your friends/family and get some support & TLC.

LegacyUser

Yeah a lot has been going on without me knowing, I had some incline but then at times taught it was just in my head.

The thing is I have great support at home from friends and family but when I get back here it's all on my own again. Im quite busy in work but in the next 4 weeks I will take some time off, however I know that after that I'll be back down here on my own.

I suppose at the moment I'm kind of contemplating continuing with the job or try and move back to Dublin where I know I'll be much happier. But then again this opportunity can't be found in Dublin and I don't know if I'd even get a job there

italodisco

I went throught an awful rough patch last year and even though I denied it back then I see that I was probably suffering bad anxiety.
Things got to a point were I was just about to quit my job and had a doctor try ing to put me on lexapro .....
It's great to have friends to talk to and share this.with but they will not understand it unless they have been through it ......

I think the best thing I did was accept defeat but what helped a lot was accepting the fact that so many people had much harder lives than I , I literally brainwashed myself with that mantra and when the weight got to heavy on my shoulders I just thought I'm lucky to have the life I have , it could always be so much worse.

It hasn't been easy having a mother who laughed at me and told me I was talking nonsense , anxiety is nonsence etc...... And feeling isolated didnt help but I'm here now , nearly 100% back to normal ......

If it gets to much at times DO NOT drink or use weed etc to deal with it. Don't deny your feelings, don't put on a false front . DO tell someone how u are feeling , even a work collegue , you wouldn't begin to imagine how many people in your office are suffering from depression or anxiety but keep it hidden. Sharring your burdens with anyone you can will help so much.

And remember lad, you do not deserve pity , you have no reason to feel sorry for yourself ....you're experiencing life and some of its many bumps , you are so lucky to be here experiencing the real world , just think.how much this hard period will develop you as a person , how strong you will feel when it passes (it will eventually).......

Life would be pretty bland without its bad bits , but we always feel like we are the only ones going through the **** times....

Ride it out lad, one day you will look back and see that perseverance and self belief paid off :-)

cathy01

Stay with the job, try and make a few new friends where you are.I wish there was something more I could say , something that would make you feel better, only keep posting here.Big hug ,Cathy

LegacyUser

sunflower27

Yeah see when she was down here it wasn't a problem as we could do a lot together, but obviously it's changed since then. I think the idea of joining a club is good, theres a boxing club close to me so I might have a look at that. I think your right about giving it a chance and embracing it. Having people down here would make it a lot easier as sitting in with your own mind can be detrimental. Thanks for the advice

italodisco

i do suffer from some anxiety anyway so this really hasn't helped me. This is really the first time I've communicated to anybody about this, nobody knows about the abortion, only me. I really appreciate the replies, this is helping me even though I'm not directly talking to people so thanks. Overall it's quite motivating what your saying and life is about getting through the hard parts as much as enjoying the good bits

Thanks for the hug Cathy ; )

I am a friend

italodisco wrote: »

Ride it out lad, one day you will look back and see that perseverance and self belief paid off :-)

Do ride it out...

Dont have much better advice than above other than I am sorry to hear about the trouble you have been going through... Chin up and best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi Folks,

Just an update. I just found out that she has a new boyfriend now. This is absolutely killing me, trying to understand how she'd moved on so fast and also the fact that I still know nobody down here. Work is getting quite stressful and I'm just not sure how much more time I can stay here, my life is in Dublin and I really want to move back. it would be a shame to leave the job but I'm thinking of coming back, taking time off and finishing writing the PhD