He doesn't love me as much as I love him.

LegacyUser

Pretty much that in a nutshell.

Where to start, we are just hitting the year mark, but everything happened so fast with us, we were living together for 3 months before we both lost our jobs and had to move home.

Up until this point everything was great ( in my eyes anyways). But since we moved home we don't see each other as much as I would like. Basically I go over on a Tuesday at 6 in the evening and leave the next morning, then he comes over to me on a Thursday, we go for lunch and that's it..

I wasn't happy with this , so I told him today. He basically said he loves me so much , but he has been thinking with a while and he doesn't think its fair on me that I love him more than he does me. He initiated a break up, but it was just such a shock that I said I didn't care about the love thing, cause two peoples feelings are different and I honestly don't think that two people can feel exactly the same as each other.

But the next thing he said has stuck with me, He said that he can guarantee that we will spend more time together, as he has fun etc, but he cant guarantee a future i.e kids or marriage, and he doesn't know what he will be doing in the future, let alone us.

I don't want kids and marriage for another few years but we are both getting into our late 20's and I don't know if I can spend time with someone who lives on just week to week.

I love him so much that my head is just so confused and I would like some outside views on this subject, do you think I'm just flogging a dead horse here, or is there hope.

indough

well there is always going to be one person loves the other more and it can shift from side to side over time, its not always noticeable but the problems arise when the difference is too much. It's not a nice thing to hear but I think he is basically telling you that he doesn't see a future with you specifically.

Princess Peach

What I have to say is kinda harsh, and of course I can't be sure. But maybe his excuse about you loving him too much is just his way of letting you down gently? In breakups sometimes you want to say it a nice way without hurting the receivers feelings. It may just be his way of saying he's not happy in the relationship anymore, or wants to break up, but he thinks this is the nicest way to say it.

If you don't think there's any saving the relationship, don't spend time with him like he has suggested. Get a clean break.

Missy Moo Moo

I'm sorry OP but what he said does not bode well for the future

He's happy to plod along but is that what you really want? You're clearly more invested in the relationship than he is. How come you don't see him at weekends? Tuesday hang outs and Thursday lunches just sounds too casual for me, especially after a year. I'm sorry to say this but it's my opinion that you should go find someone who can give you more than casual hook ups.

Basically, he's given you a get out of jail card. While it might hurt like hell now, I think you're opening yourself to a world of pain if you invest any further time in this relationship. He's unlikely to change his mind and you can't ignore what he has said.

He initiated a break up- do you really want someone who isn't 100% sure about your relationship? We all deserve someone who firmly and unwaveringly wants to be with us.

Maybe if you break up, he might realise what he's lost. Maybe he won't. But staying in the relationship and clinging onto hope will not work.

I'm sorry but I think you need to let him go and find someone who can give you what you want.

Big hugs OP

Lorna123

This guy doesn't bother to meet you at weekends, that would be a major deal breaker for me. Now he is suggesting that you love him more than he loves you. I would be so embarrassed if a guy said that to me that I would not be able to meet him again and especially not on his terms.

You may not want marriage and kids for a few years but you don't want to waste time on this guy either. All you would be investing in would be more hurt as time goes on.

It is so easy to make excuses and justify things in your head when you really love someone but there is no point in this relationship if he doesn't love you back.

If I were you I would break up with this guy and not look back. He is not for you and you will be missing opportunities to meet someone who is right if you stay with him.

It is so obvious to me that breaking up with this guy would be the right thing to do but you probably cannot see that because you are emotionally involved. The guy has given you the hint, so take it. You tell him you want to break up with him and that will give you strength. Don't wait for him to break up with you because that is what is going to happen eventually if you stay with him.