I found my boyfriend watching cartoon porn

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years and been very happy doing so. It is worth mentioning that up until now our sex life has been amazing.

However, the other day I returned home and entered the living room to find my boyfriend looking at dirty pictures on his laptop. That didn't bother me - we have always had an excellent sex life, and him sometimes looking at porn on the internet when I'm not around is not a problem to me.

But this time when I walked in he quickly minimised the window and tried to pretend he was looking at sports websites. This was a little odd because, whilst we don't look at porn together or anything (it doesn't do anything for me), he knows I don't have a problem with it. He would normally simply admit he was doing so and then close it because I'd got home.

This time, though, he was being very abashed, and I eventually convinced him to reopen the window as my curiosity was piqued. Imagine my horror when I realised he had been looking at cartoon porn on the internet (hentai, I believe it is called).

I should stress that I did not see in those pictures anything underage, which I know those sorts of pictures can be (there was no Lisa Simpson or anything like that), but I also know how creepy some of those pictures can get. Back in college a friend of mine found some and thought they were hilarious, involving women being, well, raped by tentacles. I found it highly disturbing.

I am now feeling incredibly uncomfortable around my boyfriend, knowing he looks at and enjoys that sort of thing. He admitted to me that he had looked at that sort of thing before, so this was not simply a case of his curiosity getting the better of him. Knowing that he is a fan of such weird and creepy pictures, I'm not sure what to do.

I've been avoiding him a little since this happened because I'm just so weirded out by the thought of him enjoying those sorts of pictures.

What do I do?

The Corinthian

cartoon pic problem wrote: »

What do I do?

Get over it.

Other than being cartoon, what was so wrong with them? The didn't appear to depict anyone under-age and tentacles were not involved, from what you've said. So either they creep you out because of cartoon porn that other people looked at and/or because they're cartoons. So had it been photos of porn actors/actresses doing exactly the same thing would it have bothered you the same? If not, why?

Everyone has kinks and fetishes. Very few are anything that will ever go beyond fantasy; for example rape fantasies are very common, but how many people actually want to be raped? All of which presumes he's into such porn; he may have simply been curious on this occasion.

Sure, people getting their jollies from Pippi Longstocking in a three-way is pretty bizarre. But trust me when I say I've come across way more bizarre over the years to the point that I almost feel boring in comparison.

If you don't learn to deal with differences in a relationship, especially when they don't really affect it or don't appear to be malignant in any way, you're going to have some problems in the future with relationships.

You do absolutely nothing. Some people like hentai, some don't. There's absolutely positively nothing wrong with it. The only time you should report anything of the sort is if they are looking at child pornography. Otherwise, just leave it be, he's already embarrassed enough that he got caught looking at it.

ElleEm

I agree with the other posters.

Porn is porn. Cartoon porn is not my thing but I wouldn't judge anyone for watching it.
As long as it does not involve kids or animals, then so what?!

Maybe it's just freaking you out cos you're not into it but I don't think you should judge him for watching it.

ihsb

You have to discuss that you are not comfortable with this and your reasons behind you feeling that way. Some girls don't like porn full-stop and there is a way to get around this. Just ignoring your feelings is not going to help the relationship. It is going to eat away at you unless you talk about it.

I find it weird how you are being told to get over your dislike of something and yet no one has suggested that he get over his like of cartoon porn.

Anyway, discuss it with him and try to work it out. Communication is key.

The Corinthian

ihsb wrote: »

I find it weird how you are being told to get over your dislike of something and yet no one has suggested that he get over his like of cartoon porn.

It's not that weird though. The OP has already stated that porn is not a problem for her and that nothing he was looking at represented something particularly distasteful or illegal.

As such, it appears to be an irrational dislike; unreasonable by almost all standards. To suggest that he should get over his like of cartoon porn would be like someone suggesting that they should, say, give up wearing the colour red, because their partner has an irrational dislike of it.

All presuming it is an irrational dislike, but so far the OP has not given us any reason to think otherwise.

strandroad

The Corinthian wrote: »

As such, it appears to be an irrational dislike; unreasonable by almost all standards. To suggest that he should get over his like of cartoon porn would be like someone suggesting that they should, say, give up wearing the colour red, because their partner has an irrational dislike of it.

This happens quite often, in fairness. I don't eat fish and can't stand its smell, so my partner does not eat or keep it at home. He hates the smell of a particular cosmetic so I stopped using it altogether.

ElleEm

mhge wrote: »

This happens quite often, in fairness. I don't eat fish and can't stand its smell, so my partner does not eat or keep it at home. He hates the smell of a particular cosmetic so I stopped using it altogether.

But they are things that directly affects both of you, in that you don't like the smell, so if the other uses it, you smell it.

With porn, it is usually a private thing that does not directly affect the other partner. Her boyfriend has probably been watching it for the duration of their relationship, but she just found out.

The Corinthian

mhge wrote: »

This happens quite often, in fairness. I don't eat fish and can't stand its smell, so my partner does not eat or keep it at home. He hates the smell of a particular cosmetic so I stopped using it altogether.

My girlfriend loves slasher movies like the Human Centipede. I find films of that nature revolting and refuse to watch them. Truth be told I find it slightly unnerving that she watches them too.

However, I do not get so hung up on it and seek that she stops watching them. She can watch them - just not with me. To be so against them as to seek that she stops watching them even when it does not affect me, would be irrational and unreasonable.

This issue is affecting the OP in an irrational fashion. I say irrational because what bothers her is not that it's porn (she's stated she doesn't have an issue there) but cartoon porn. Fair enough; it's weird and maybe a little unnerving, but given what she's said her reaction is completely out of proportions.

analucija

It is a complete fantasy porn and probably on a bit higher artistic level than your average bang bang. I can't understand what is all the fuss about if you don't mind porn otherwise. The ''real' porn industry can be abusive to women and the other one is just a story drawn on a paper.

ihsb

The Corinthian wrote: »

My girlfriend loves slasher movies like the Human Centipede. I find films of that nature revolting and refuse to watch them. Truth be told I find it slightly unnerving that she watches them too.

Slasher movies are not used for sexual pleasure (normally). And one of the most important things about a relationship is sex life. So seeing your man watching a cartoon porn film and finding it unnerving is a little different to seeing your partner watching a slasher film and finding it unnerving.

One relates to things you do as a couple, the other has nothing to do with it at all.

As I said before. Speak to your OH Op. And good luck!

indough

this is bordering on thought police stuff really. just because you are in a relationship with someone that doesn't mean you should automatically be privy to every aspect of their mind. you could ask him to stop but even if he doesn't rightly tell you its none of your business it's still going to create an unnecessary insecurity.

I am a friend

The Corinthian wrote: »

Get over it.

Why should she have to get over it if she doesnt like it??

OP, you need to remember that you will get very vehement responses from people on this forum who are into the same stuff as your bf.. Its always the same on threads about porn, illegal drug taking, abortion etc...

You need more general opinions and I dont see how 'just get over it' helps you...

it would freak me out as well and i wouldnt get over it (and dont have an issue with mainstream porn either)

Missy Moo Moo

cartoon pic problem wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years and been very happy doing so. It is worth mentioning that up until now our sex life has been amazing.

However, the other day I returned home and entered the living room to find my boyfriend looking at dirty pictures on his laptop. That didn't bother me - we have always had an excellent sex life, and him sometimes looking at porn on the internet when I'm not around is not a problem to me.

But this time when I walked in he quickly minimised the window and tried to pretend he was looking at sports websites. This was a little odd because, whilst we don't look at porn together or anything (it doesn't do anything for me), he knows I don't have a problem with it. He would normally simply admit he was doing so and then close it because I'd got home.

This time, though, he was being very abashed, and I eventually convinced him to reopen the window as my curiosity was piqued. Imagine my horror when I realised he had been looking at cartoon porn on the internet (hentai, I believe it is called).

I should stress that I did not see in those pictures anything underage, which I know those sorts of pictures can be (there was no Lisa Simpson or anything like that), but I also know how creepy some of those pictures can get. Back in college a friend of mine found some and thought they were hilarious, involving women being, well, raped by tentacles. I found it highly disturbing.

I am now feeling incredibly uncomfortable around my boyfriend, knowing he looks at and enjoys that sort of thing. He admitted to me that he had looked at that sort of thing before, so this was not simply a case of his curiosity getting the better of him. Knowing that he is a fan of such weird and creepy pictures, I'm not sure what to do.

I've been avoiding him a little since this happened because I'm just so weirded out by the thought of him enjoying those sorts of pictures.

What do I do?

I'm sorry OP but can I ask why you insisted he reopened the window to show you what he was looking at? Surely everyone is entitled to some privacy and if a boyfriend insisted I show him what I was looking at, he'd be told where to go.

Re your issue- yes, looking at cartoon porn may not be my cup of tea but if it's not illegal and not something he wants to incorporate into your sex life, then what's the problem? What's the difference between that and fancying Lara Croft or Jessica Rabbit?

I honestly think as far as kinks and fetishes go, that'd be tame enough. But if it's a big deal to you, then maybe you need to make a decision on whether you want to continue in the relationship. It just seems a pity to throw away a good relationship (as you've described it) over something he does in private and that doesn't infringe on his time with you.

Missy Moo Moo

I am a friend wrote: »

The Corinthian wrote: »

Get over it.

Why should she have to get over it if she doesnt like it??

OP, you need to remember that you will get very vehement responses from people on this forum who are into the same stuff as your bf.. Its always the same on threads about porn, illegal drug taking, abortion etc...

You need more general opinions and I dont see how 'just get over it' helps you...

it would freak me out as well and i wouldnt get over it (and dont have an issue with mainstream porn either)

To be fair to the Corinthian, he followed up his point with his perspective, he didn't just say "get over it" and leave it at that. Also, his posts have stated he's not into cartoon porn.

indough

for the record i dont watch it either but what exactly is weird about it? watching it wouldnt mean youd want to have sex with a cartoon or something. people watch all sorts of crap on the internet

Missy Moo Moo

indough wrote: »

for the record i dont watch it either but what exactly is weird about it? watching it wouldnt mean youd want to have sex with a cartoon or something. people watch all sorts of crap on the internet

Maybe weird is the wrong word, I just meant it wouldn't exactly get me hot under the collar! And you're spot on about people watching all sorts of crap.

indough

Missy Moo Moo wrote: »

Maybe weird is the wrong word, I just meant it wouldn't exactly get me hot under the collar! And you're spot on about people watching all sorts of crap.

ah its no bothers i was talking more in the general sense that a few people on here seemed to find it a bit weird rather than just yourself!

Ickle Magoo

Folks, this is an advice forum - can we keep posts on-topic and helpful to the OP please.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

The Corinthian

ihsb wrote: »

Slasher movies are not used for sexual pleasure (normally).

So what you're saying it's not about differing values but what is acceptable sexually? Or that differing values are only a valid issue when they relate to sexuality? Do explain please.

I am a friend wrote: »

Why should she have to get over it if she doesnt like it??

I already said why. Feel free to address my response.

OP, you need to remember that you will get very vehement responses from people on this forum who are into the same stuff as your bf.. Its always the same on threads about porn, illegal drug taking, abortion etc...

Ahh... the old, if they're not condemning it they must be into it. Honestly, I would hope that you can come up with better argument than that.

As I said, the OP really needs to examine why she is so disturbed by cartoon porn, given that other forms of porn are not an issue. There may be valid reasons for this differentiation, but so far she's not really given them.

ihsb

The Corinthian wrote: »

So what you're saying it's not about differing values but what is acceptable sexually? Or that differing values are only a valid issue when they relate to sexuality? Do explain please.

Sexuality is something you share as a couple. It is something that is between the couple and no one else. It is something that effects all aspects of their relationship.

Differing values are religion, beliefs, etc. To me watching a slasher movie is not a value. It is liking a certain type of film. I like rom coms (amongst others)... you can call me a girlie girl but I highly doubt it will be a relationship breaker. Because it is not something the two people share as a couple. It is a personal interest that can be enjoyed with anyone (friend, stranger in a cinema etc.)

Anyway I refer back to my original post. Communication.

The Corinthian

ihsb wrote: »

Sexuality is something you share as a couple. It is something that is between the couple and no one else. It is something that effects all aspects of their relationship.

Differing values are religion, beliefs, etc. To me watching a slasher movie is not a value. It is liking a certain type of film. I like rom coms (amongst others)... you can call me a girlie girl but I highly doubt it will be a relationship breaker. Because it is not something the two people share as a couple. It is a personal interest that can be enjoyed with anyone (friend, stranger in a cinema etc.)

How is he sharing his cartoon porn with her? Since when was what was shared between couples purely sexual? This is just utter nonsense.

Ickle Magoo

Okay folks - posters are entitled to give their advice for the OP to take on board or dismiss, as per the purpose of this forum, whether you agree with them or not.

Please stop turning threads in PI/RI into discussions and debates better suited to other forums.

Final warning.

I am a friend

The Corinthian wrote: »

Honestly, I would hope that you can come up with better argument than that.

Patronising much?

Op dont let anyone on here bully you into thinking you have to be ok with this... he is turned on by a sketch - how normal is that?????

Ickle Magoo

I am a friend warned for ignoring mod warning.

It is not for posters here to declare what is or is not categorically "normal". Going forward please direct constructive advice towards the OP on dealing with the issue they have asked for advice on, rather than bickering with each other.

And that doesn't mean having to get the last word in and throwing in a final line directed at the OP

Elmidena

It's not normal to you but it is to enough of the world for it to be such a thriving market

He was embarrassed by you coming in-- from your description it doesn't sound like he was pleasuring himself and might have just been curious. Maybe embarrassed because he knew you wouldn't be sufficiently open minded about it? It's a minor problem at the end of the day and I think you should work out why it upsets you so much, but what if you do break it off only to find the next relationship has the same unresolved issue? To each their own...he's hidden it not rubbed it in your face after all.

snafuk35

cartoon pic problem wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years and been very happy doing so. It is worth mentioning that up until now our sex life has been amazing.

However, the other day I returned home and entered the living room to find my boyfriend looking at dirty pictures on his laptop. That didn't bother me - we have always had an excellent sex life, and him sometimes looking at porn on the internet when I'm not around is not a problem to me.

But this time when I walked in he quickly minimised the window and tried to pretend he was looking at sports websites. This was a little odd because, whilst we don't look at porn together or anything (it doesn't do anything for me), he knows I don't have a problem with it. He would normally simply admit he was doing so and then close it because I'd got home.

This time, though, he was being very abashed, and I eventually convinced him to reopen the window as my curiosity was piqued. Imagine my horror when I realised he had been looking at cartoon porn on the internet (hentai, I believe it is called).

I should stress that I did not see in those pictures anything underage, which I know those sorts of pictures can be (there was no Lisa Simpson or anything like that), but I also know how creepy some of those pictures can get. Back in college a friend of mine found some and thought they were hilarious, involving women being, well, raped by tentacles. I found it highly disturbing.

I am now feeling incredibly uncomfortable around my boyfriend, knowing he looks at and enjoys that sort of thing. He admitted to me that he had looked at that sort of thing before, so this was not simply a case of his curiosity getting the better of him. Knowing that he is a fan of such weird and creepy pictures, I'm not sure what to do.

I've been avoiding him a little since this happened because I'm just so weirded out by the thought of him enjoying those sorts of pictures.

What do I do?

Nobody is getting hurt are they in cartoon porn?
In 'normal' porn you don't know if the girls are victims of violence, are trafficked or are on heroin and are basically forced into porn by violent pimps do you? Lots of porn stars get aids and other diseases or commit suicide or die violently.

LegacyUser

OP if this is a deal breaker for you then that's fair enough, I don't think you should be have to accept it or feel like a prude if you're not comfortable with it.

I know I certainly wouldn't be either. I know people look at all kinds of **** out o curiousity or boredom and this may be the case here. But I know I wouldn't want to go out with a person who has a sexual taste for extreme violence against women and if I suspected they did I would want to know the truth.

I just have a distate for sexual violence, torture of women and don't feel comfortable with it being used for tittilation. I expect my partners to shared these values with me. I realise this might be entirely different from other people but I would think of them as incompatible if this was what they were looking at (outside of a one of out of morbid curiosity or something).

I think you should discuss this with your boyfriend and see what he says about it, let him know how you feel about those images. But don't feel bad about it, most people have deal breakers in a relationship, maybe this is one of yours.

newuser30

Course you are going to be freaked out. It's soooo weird. I've heard of this before and it freaks me out. The other posters aren't the ones in an intimate relationship with the person getting off on this. I dont know what I would do to be honest, the next time you are getting down to it all you are goin to be thinking is my god is he thinking about me or big tenticles or what. It's a bit nauseating. If you feel like this you cant help it so you are well within your rights to say hey give it up or I'm out of here! I cant believe some of the posters are like if it doesn't involve kids or animals or whatever its grand..eh what? Where are your standards!?

CarMe

I wouldn't be into it myself at all but i don't see the harm.
Are you really ok with him watching normal porn? I can't really see why the fact they're drawings is so odd to you.
You mentioned seeing some dark type of this porn before, maybe this has led you to believe it's all a little seedy?

When i was about sixteen a guy was texting me and once said something like do i like it rough, i nearly died, i thought he must be a complete pervert because it sounded like rape or something but now that Im a little older i realise that it doesn't necessarily mean he was a sexual deviant

My point is, maybe you're first experience of this cartoon porn has clouded your opinion?

analucija

newuser30 wrote: »

I cant believe some of the posters are like if it doesn't involve kids or animals or whatever its grand..eh what? Where are your standards!?

You mean the standards that distinguish between fantasy, a figment of imagination and reallty. Does everybody who watches war movie want to go to war? And is somebody who imagines his neighbor naked a cheater? Everybody has fantasies that could be considered freaky or god knows what but because they remain just fantasies, it doesn't matter. And no I'm not into Hentai or any other porn.

Ickle Magoo

snafuk35 & newuser30 infracted - it's not like there hasn't been enough warnings on the thread already to keep advice constructive and on-topic.

Neither musing about the morals or ethics of pornography nor casting inflammatory aspersions on other posters is helping the OP with their issue. If posters are unable to offer mature and constructive advice, don't post or you will have your posting rights revoked.

aidan24326

cartoon pic problem wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years and been very happy doing so. It is worth mentioning that up until now our sex life has been amazing.

However, the other day I returned home and entered the living room to find my boyfriend looking at dirty pictures on his laptop. That didn't bother me - we have always had an excellent sex life, and him sometimes looking at porn on the internet when I'm not around is not a problem to me.

But this time when I walked in he quickly minimised the window and tried to pretend he was looking at sports websites. This was a little odd because, whilst we don't look at porn together or anything (it doesn't do anything for me), he knows I don't have a problem with it. He would normally simply admit he was doing so and then close it because I'd got home.

This time, though, he was being very abashed, and I eventually convinced him to reopen the window as my curiosity was piqued. Imagine my horror when I realised he had been looking at cartoon porn on the internet (hentai, I believe it is called).

I should stress that I did not see in those pictures anything underage, which I know those sorts of pictures can be (there was no Lisa Simpson or anything like that), but I also know how creepy some of those pictures can get. Back in college a friend of mine found some and thought they were hilarious, involving women being, well, raped by tentacles. I found it highly disturbing.

I am now feeling incredibly uncomfortable around my boyfriend, knowing he looks at and enjoys that sort of thing. He admitted to me that he had looked at that sort of thing before, so this was not simply a case of his curiosity getting the better of him. Knowing that he is a fan of such weird and creepy pictures, I'm not sure what to do.

I've been avoiding him a little since this happened because I'm just so weirded out by the thought of him enjoying those sorts of pictures.

What do I do ?

Why do you think you should do anything? How is him looking at hentai any worse to you than looking at real life porn? In the greater scheme of things I'd have thought that it's harmless enough. When you consider some of the extreme hardcore stuff that's available online hentai of the type he was looking at is pretty tame. You're over-reacting really.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I don't watch porn because I've seen enough documentaries/read enough books to understand the damage that that industry does. My BF likes it though and even though I don't like it, I don't ask him not to watch it. That's up to him and I can't act as his conscience or as someone said, the thought-police.

I honestly fail to see how looking at cartoon porn, no matter how extreme, tentacle rape etc, is any worse than watching a real life woman get f*cked every which way to Sunday by multiple men while be called a wh*re, which is what most porn seems to be. Seriously OP, I think the cartoon stuff, no matter how extreme, is more much more palatable than real life stuff, real people aren't being used/abused in cartoon porn.

But yeah this thread is going back and forth and back and forth and at the end of the day this is all subjective, you need to figure out what YOU are ok with and discuss it with you partner.

neuro-praxis

cartoon pic problem wrote: »

I am now feeling incredibly uncomfortable around my boyfriend, knowing he looks at and enjoys that sort of thing. He admitted to me that he had looked at that sort of thing before, so this was not simply a case of his curiosity getting the better of him. Knowing that he is a fan of such weird and creepy pictures, I'm not sure what to do.

I've been avoiding him a little since this happened because I'm just so weirded out by the thought of him enjoying those sorts of pictures.

What do I do?

Successful relationships are, by and large, shared by people who have the same or similar values. Compromise plays a role too, but you have to decide for yourself on what issues you are comfortable to compromise, and what is actually not ok for you. The same goes for your boyfriend.

I'm not ok with porn. This doesn't cause any friction with me and my partner, because he's not ok with porn either. If he felt porn was fine and chose to watch it regularly, that would be a deal breaker for me.

However on the areas where we disagree on things that are relatively unimportant to us, we find a balance that we can both be happy with.

Perhaps one of you can make a sacrifice here. Or perhaps you are not right for each other. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hey all, OP here.

I had a talk with my boyfriend and told him that I'm 100% NOT alright with him watching that sort of stuff. I told him I had encountered it before and the thought of him watching women getting raped by tentacles etc just wasn't something I could accept. He claimed there was plenty of stuff out there that wasn't as degrading as that but tbh I'm not sure I believe him. If it was just "vanilla" stuff between a man and a woman why wouldn't you just watch regular porn? As far as I'm concerned you watch that creepy stuff because it's probably illegal to make real porn out of it. Besides which, if it is just pretty tame stuff he's looking at instead of watching regular porn then that means he prefers the sight of these ludicrously proportioned freaky cartoon women to real women and that's almost as upsetting itself!

Anyway, I told him I couldn't handle it and he promised not to look at that sort of stuff again. I trust him not to and I said I'm not exactly going to go through his browser history or anything to check, but if I ever found out he'd lied and was still watching it then it would be a dealbreaker. I'm willing to accept that he looked at it out of curiosity rather than because he's a pervert with some really f*cked up fetishes, but that curiosity has been sated now.

So thanks for the responses all! The ones telling me to "just get over it" weren't particularly helpful because I was getting hung up on this. If I could "just get over it" I reckon I'd have done so before asking random strangers for help, no? But thanks to everyone who gave useful responses.

And finally, because the accusations of hypocrisy in this quote were too much for me to simply ignore:

curlzy wrote:

is any worse than watching a real life woman get f*cked every which way to Sunday by multiple men while be called a wh*re, which is what most porn seems to be

You misunderstand me if you think I'd be happy with that, either. I guess I'm fairly naive about porn since I've not watched a lot of it but the things I've seen my boyfriend watch or look at (with REAL people) tend to be between two consenting adults. It's not particularly degrading, although he doesn't seem to be able to see how horribly fake it is. At least there's no tentacles. But if I found out he'd been watching real porn of women getting done by "multiple men while being called a wh*re" then he'd be out on his arse quicker than he could count to ten.

Thanks all for the help. It's really, really appreciated.

I am a friend

But what good is it telling him to push it underground - he will still want to watch it, whether he does or not... I see it as a basic incompatibility rather than something he needs to stop...

Its like him admitting he thinks a friend of his is cute and you banning him from seeing her - he will still think she is cute

The Corinthian

cartoon pic problem wrote: »

So thanks for the responses all! The ones telling me to "just get over it" weren't particularly helpful because I was getting hung up on this. If I could "just get over it" I reckon I'd have done so before asking random strangers for help, no? But thanks to everyone who gave useful responses.

Fair enough, but unless this is likely the only thing you're likely to get 'hung up on', you're going to find in the future lots of other things that you'll 'hung up on' that are generally considered perhaps weird, but not malignantly deviant, by the majority. And that is almost certainly going to affect almost all your relationships.

Hence the advice to 'get over it', because it's going to cause you more problems than it's worth. We all have to 'get over' things (and not necessarily sexual) with the people we're in relationships with and in other cases it is they who have to change because we cannot. Depends on which battles, as it were, are reasonable to fight; if we fight even the unreasonable one's all the time we're probably going to end up alone.

I am a friend wrote: »

Its like him admitting he thinks a friend of his is cute and you banning him from seeing her - he will still think she is cute

Wow... talk about thought police. To suggest that a partner finding someone else attractive, but naturally not acting on this attraction, is some sort of deal breaker in a relationship is appalling advice for the OP, TBH.

I am a friend

The Corinthian wrote: »

To suggest that a partner finding someone else attractive, but naturally not acting on this attraction, is some sort of deal breaker in a relationship is appalling advice for the OP, TBH.

Who said that?

The Corinthian

I am a friend wrote: »

Who said that?

You did; why else would you use the example you gave in relation to your point about "basic incompatibility"?

ihsb

Good for you OP, hopefully you will have another two years and more problem free!

I am a friend

The Corinthian wrote: »

You did; why else would you use the example you gave in relation to your point about "basic incompatibility"?

Cos you can have basic incompatibilies and not break up :rolleyes:

The Corinthian

I am a friend wrote: »

Cos you can have basic incompatibilies and not break up :rolleyes:

I would have thought that a basic incompatibility would be pretty fundamental, but if you don't think so, fair enough.

locked as OP has dealt with the problem & this is turning into another debate. please PM me if you need this reopened for advice on this issue