need options re ex and our kids

LegacyUser

Hi, I wasnt sure if this should be in PI, RI or parenting but I'm looking for as many opinions as possible.

ok so myself and my husband split up last nov 1. He was caught out having an affair but in his eyes our relationship was over months before this. We went to mediation and agreed on access to our 3 kids. He was happy with the outcome as I gave him what he wanted - every second weekend and 3 evenings + nights per week. This is where I need objective opinions. For the last 8 weeks (4weekends when the kids are with him) he has had his girlfriend and her kids with him. This in my opinion is meant to be our kids time with him. The odd day I can understand but every weekend. She hadnt been staying there because our son sleeps in his dads bed (and mine) but this Friday he was made sleep in his 10yo sisters double bed with her. The GF was over and they had a kind of party night. My ex doesnt see how this is any of my concern as its his business. BTW the kids have not been told that this is his GF or why we split. What should I do here?? I'm half thinking of cutting over nights as I dont want my kids to see this. HELP!

Taltos

OP - this might be better placed wither in the Parenting forum or in the Separation & Divorce forum.
If you want it moved to either of those please let us know and we will move it across.

Please though don't start this thread in one of those other forum, that will just result in one or all of your threads being closed.

jellyboy

Hi op..
This is your pain and in theory his realship/life has nothing to do with you..unless there is a case to be made for abuse..

going down the road of telling your children the reasons of why ,who ,and what is causing pain and suffering,a bit like what you are feeling ,don't pass it on to them..they will end up with a fecked up view of realships,and will carry that view into there own and their children's...and will make it a lot worse..

when a realship ends,it should be treated like a funeral either celebrate the end of it or mourn it..
are you receiving help and support?
are you talking to counsellors ,mediation or personal.they can guide you best without the emotional coming into play..



What you are doing so far is adult and will have huge positive impact on you and your children's lives..



and the kids ,they only want to love mammy and daddy...

niamhx

Op you haven't said of your children have a problem with the set up in their dads house ? If their happy, I see no problem in what your ex is doing. It sounds like you have the problem with it, which I can understand. You cannot however get between your children's and their fathers relationship because your feeling hurt.

CarMe

Op i really feel for you, when reading your post i was getting angry for you but thinking about it the above posters are actually right. Once your kids haven't got a problem with it them Im afraid you'll have to leave them to it.
Personally i would probably suggest that he uses his time with his kids, one on one with them, but Im not sure that's the best advise. I probably wouldn't be able to help myself.
Hope you're having a nice mothers day.

fatmammycat

OP, why on earth would you 'cut' his time with his children? You don't get to dictate to him who he can or cannot see or when. If the children are happy and safe with their father then that should be your one and only concern. I understand totally that you must be angry and hurt by him, and that it probably seems like he's moved on with indecent haste, but don't let that come between a father and his children, that's something you're going to have to deal with.
Time is a great healer, this time next year you could very well be in a new relationship yourself, imagine how you'd feel if your ex suddenly decided to 'cut' your time with your children because if it?
Don't do it OP, find another way to get past this. And I wish you the best of luck.