Alcoholic family member

shangri la

After my brother being a full blown alcoholic for 20 years while holding down manual labour jobs and making decent money but not having anything to show for it he may soon show interest in getting help.

we are talking very large quanties of spirits, frequent blackouts, anger issues at petty things with no big underlying problems, no interests outside the pub and all his mates are raging alcoholics as he wont socalise outside the pub and after a bit of vodka he is a pr1ck in the pub. No woman hangs around too long. In short he hit what i would consider bottom long ago and there is no signs of things letting up. He wont drink a mineral in a pub.

he is not the type to open up in a room full of strangers and im not one to talk to him about life when he wont listen at all and it would quickly end in an argument.

any advice on how to help him as he is not a lost cause and has the foundation to make a great life for himself but his working enviroment is full of pissheads and the evenings have nothing better going on?

KKkitty

OP unless he wants to change for himself there's not much you can do. He seems so stuck in the rut he's in he can't see any other way of life. You can talk to him and see what is causing him to drink as he does and see if that helps. I had a drink problem some years ago and it took me getting pregnant after years of sleeping around to make me see what I was doing was wrong. Maybe your brother needs a wake up call. He has to know what he's doing is wrong and that you're worried to the extent you are. Keep talking to him til he sees sense. Good luck.

shangri la

Kitty since he was 17/18 he was working with older lads and in the pub after work until closing. He doesn't know any other way of life and has no other interests to fill his time so its difficult to find something to start the what if you didn't drink spiel. Odds are it won't change but it would be worth knowing a workable approach rather than talking to him about feelings when its just a way of life that got out of hand and now the bug has well and truely bitten.

Nothing can be done until he has had enough but was looking more from advice on how to encourage that along given his environment is geared towards the pub and the large vodkas.

The arm around the shoulder and the AA leaflet is not the way to tackle this lad.

KKkitty

Would good old fashioned blackmail or a stern ultimatum work. If it's an ultimatum follow through with it. You could tell him you've just about had enough of his behaviour and if he doesn't clean up his act that's it you're done with him.

shangri la

Not with this lad. He would just say fcuk off so. We live in different cities so don't have much influence on eachothers daily lives and he always has his drinking buddies to help with the blinkers so long as he keeps drinking with them when the other lads get fed up and leave they wil.l humour him. When we do meet up for a drink we go to a pub because he wont go to a match or sit in for the evening if he has the funds and the hangover is not too bad. We always have a good laugh and we are the type to talk to everyone in the put but he knows ill leave when i see him on anything stronger than the guinness as sooner or later he will get into a fight with someone or switch from the life and soul of the party to a prick, whatever anyone says its the wrong thing but he cant stick to the pints for more than 3 or 4 hours.

He is a brickie and strong as an ox so these rows can end up with a fair bit of damage. Zero sense after the vodka kicks in.

Its all a sociable thing at the start of the night, there is rarely booze in the house and he never carries a naggan with him during the day but it would not be unusual for himself and a couple of lads to go on a week long bender only stopping for 5 or 6 hours sleep then off the booze the following few days because he cant stomach the smell of it but then the weekend rolls around and the craic starts all over again...

the more i write the more i see how big the overall problem. The odd time he mentions going off the booze he has lads telling him to come to the pub every day at work, in his local area, ringing him up. Its hard to get through all that noise and tell him to get a hobby or start watching the soaps.

boobar

shangri la wrote: »

After my brother being a full blown alcoholic for 20 years while holding down manual labour jobs and making decent money but not having anything to show for it he may soon show interest in getting help.

we are talking very large quanties of spirits, frequent blackouts, anger issues at petty things with no big underlying problems, no interests outside the pub and all his mates are raging alcoholics as he wont socalise outside the pub and after a bit of vodka he is a pr1ck in the pub. No woman hangs around too long. In short he hit what i would consider bottom long ago and there is no signs of things letting up. He wont drink a mineral in a pub.

he is not the type to open up in a room full of strangers and im not one to talk to him about life when he wont listen at all and it would quickly end in an argument.

any advice on how to help him as he is not a lost cause and has the foundation to make a great life for himself but his working enviroment is full of pissheads and the evenings have nothing better going on?

Having experience of this myself with a close family member, here's what I've found.

The addict has to accept that they need help and in order to do that they have to hit their own rock bottom. They may end up losing everything before that, family, home, job etc.

All you can do is wait and be there for him. My relation was also one that would not open up in a room full of strangers, but when it came to it he did and so have many others.

Good luck.

username123

Nothing you can do except offer support for if and when he decides to get off the booze, anything you offer while he is still drinking (including your friendship) is just enabling him.

You cant do anything else, its his responsibility to stop, not yours to stop him.

Sometimes they never stop and you have to respect that choice also.

Dont be too blinkered yourself, 'wouldnt open up in a room full of strangers'?, Ill bet if you dumped him in a pub full of strangers he'd be chatting to people. No reason why he couldnt do that if he wanted to get sober.

Drinking with him is only agreeing with the behaviour also. If you are that concerned you need to make a stand on it and not enable or agree with his behaviour in any way.