I've become so boring

LegacyUser

Over the last few years I have become the most boring person ever. I can't male conversation with anyone as I have nothing to say and can't think of anything to talk about with people. I rarely laugh at anything, and it just feels that life is one ending struggle.

I used to be quite a fun person when I was in college.After college I had loans to pay back so started in a job I have no real interest in.Its got to the stage where Im so far removed from my actual interests and passions in life I had when I was a teenager that I have forgotten who I am.

I have weddings of friends coming up this year that I can't get enthused about as all my money will go on paying for their hen's and weddings. My friends I meet up with very irregularly,maybe once a year, and I think I'm only invited out of some old loyalty of the friendship we had back in college. When I do meet my friends it is very awkward as I can't think of anything to say to them, and them to me.

I find at work I am always wracking my brain trying to think of something interesting or insightful to say to people,but I can't.I don't understand as people always seem to be laughing within thirty seconds of chatting to each other.That never happens with me as I cant think of anything funny to say and conversations with me are always serious.

I received medication for depression when I was 20 for about two years, as I was always very tearful and down. I'm 30 now,but I feel that for the last few years I have not had the same depression I had when I was 20. My mood is just very flat. I no longer laugh or cry.I rarely get excited about anything. I haven't had a boyfriend or even touched a guy in about 5 years. It just seems like life is a constant struggle and there is not much to look forward to.

I guess I am looking for advice on how to get some sort of spark back in my life or personality again. How can I make conversation with people, and how can I stop my encounters with other people from being akward?

howsyourtusk

I suffer from depression so on that note firstly, I empathise and realise how much of a burden it is. I also recently made a huge decision to leave my line of work and change everything in my life to focus completely on the sort of career I wanted. It sounds to me like you're not doing anything you actually enjoy. You can't make small talk at work, loads of people can't, that's fine, but I'd suspect you actually don't enjoy your job at all. My advice is, if you can, do what you enjoy, what inspires you! Life is short and working a job for money that you hate will destroy you.

Also, the overthinking, that's a common symptom/side-effect of depression/anxiety related stuff. Happens to me in a relationship context. I'd really recommend counselling as that has helped me. I found the most wonderful counsellor and I'm really coming on leaps and bounds. If you're thinking so much about what to say to someone how do you find the time to say it? That sounds silly but I know from experience it's true.

Let me give an example of what happens to me: enter relationship ---> have doubts ---> focus on doubts ----> can't think of anything else ----> doubts become a self fulfilling prophecy. Sounds like you're having the exact same issue with starting conversations!

Good luck and I hope things work out

Miss Fluff

Everything you describe are symptoms of depression. Have you been to see your GP recently? If not I think it would help.

cheekyass

Hi there,

I agree with the other posting with regards to the depression, it does kind of sound like you may have a little cloud of it. Maybe you should see your doctor and see what he/ she thinks?

I think aswell that you shouldn't put yourself under too much pressure with it either, try not to worry or over think it.

However on saying that what about drawing up a plan? Like physically write down things that you think you might like to do or hobbies & interests that you used to have? You could try and be really proactive and positive about 'making a change'! I don't mean it to sound in any way patronizing so I'm sorry if I do but you are still who you are......you just need to find yourself again

Best of luck, I hope it works out xxx

robman60

The "flat" feeling in your personality hints depression if you ask me.

I think it may be time for you to really consider where you are. Yes, it's important to make money, but pursuing something you really enjoy is ultimately more rewarding.

Best if luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replys so far.

It may well be depression,I know its not normal anyway.Just that I had depression ten year years ago,where I was constantly down and sad. The anti-depressants did help. What I'm experiencing now is completely different to that.It's just a general apathy, and I have no emotions or thoughts whatsoever. Yesterday I just couldn't think of a single interesting thing to talk about with people. Its like I can no longer think for myself, and I see life for what it is a meaningless struggle financially and emotionally with very little to look forward to.

I wouldn't say I dislike my job. It is okay, it is more me that is the problem. I have no motivation to do anything outside work like join a drama group. I feel that I will be just seen as boring, and like me friends people will just tend to avoid me.

I probably do need to see a counsellor, and booked to see one last year,but it was €70 I don't hav,s o I didn't go back. I don't have medical card, but am not on particularly high wages (34,000/year) With taxes,rent, loan repayments from uni,car expenses etc, i I have very little left over at end of month. Counselliing would be a luxury I cannot afford.

Taltos

All - please no more amateur diagnoses or even self-diagnosis. None of us are qualified to give medical advice here.

OP - the only one who can help you here is a doctor - please go and see one as soon as you can and explain to them how you have been feeling.

If this thread appears to continue to go the medical opinion route we will have no option but to close it.

Taltos

Missy Moo Moo

bigbore wrote: »

Over the last few years I have become the most boring person ever. I can't male conversation with anyone as I have nothing to say and can't think of anything to talk about with people. I rarely laugh at anything, and it just feels that life is one ending struggle.

I used to be quite a fun person when I was in college.After college I had loans to pay back so started in a job I have no real interest in.Its got to the stage where Im so far removed from my actual interests and passions in life I had when I was a teenager that I have forgotten who I am.

I have weddings of friends coming up this year that I can't get enthused about as all my money will go on paying for their hen's and weddings. My friends I meet up with very irregularly,maybe once a year, and I think I'm only invited out of some old loyalty of the friendship we had back in college. When I do meet my friends it is very awkward as I can't think of anything to say to them, and them to me.

I find at work I am always wracking my brain trying to think of something interesting or insightful to say to people,but I can't.I don't understand as people always seem to be laughing within thirty seconds of chatting to each other.That never happens with me as I cant think of anything funny to say and conversations with me are always serious.

I received medication for depression when I was 20 for about two years, as I was always very tearful and down. I'm 30 now,but I feel that for the last few years I have not had the same depression I had when I was 20. My mood is just very flat. I no longer laugh or cry.I rarely get excited about anything. I haven't had a boyfriend or even touched a guy in about 5 years. It just seems like life is a constant struggle and there is not much to look forward to.

I guess I am looking for advice on how to get some sort of spark back in my life or personality again. How can I make conversation with people, and how can I stop my encounters with other people from being akward?

Hi OP,

I think you need to fake it til you make it- You say you have no spark in your life or personality and thats cos you can't get excited about anything. As a result, small talk in work becomes difficult and catching up with friends is difficult cos you can't make conversation.

Its a vicious cycle, and I know it seems easier said than done, but I honestly think you need to force yourself to break the cycle-Find things to become excited about, even if you can't muster up enthuasiasm, really force yourself to until it becomes real.

Theres plenty of things you can do cheaply, read books, watch movies, watch TV... Hell, even take up knitting. Do anything, and these things can then form the basis of your conversations with other people. For instance, in work, you can ask people what they did for the weekend. It stands to reason that you'll not be able to think of anything to say to anyone when you have zero interests.

Also, I think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself, trying to think of something insightful to say. Unless you work with regular Oscar Wilde types, there is no reason to worry that you've nothing earth shattering or mind blowing to say. Most conversations can be started with a simple "how was your weekend" or discussions around a Customer you were dealing with/ project you're working on/ whatever your job entails.

Chit chat can be had around what was on TV/ whats in the news, etc. Another good conversation starter is just asking people about themselves or taking an interest in their lives. Hopefully conversation should flow then. But I can't stress enough that you shouldn't worry or put yourself under pressure when making conversation. Just be natural.

As for your friends that are getting married, when you meet up with them, you could ask how their wedding planning is going? Maybe people are sensing your awkwardness and thats why they might feel uncomfortable.

I understand life can be tough- you only have to watch the news or pick up a newspaper to see that. But self esteem and quality of life can be skyrocketed just by having company and social interaction. I very much doubt you're boring, you said you were fun before so that can be recaptured. Not like you were born boring!

Best of Luck OP