Help a virgin!

LegacyUser

Ok, I posted here before about being a virgin yada,yada,yada.
I'm 20 and I've met a guy through mutual friends. Cutting a long story short, he made it clear he wanted to have sex with me one night. I reluctantly turned him down with a "white lie".
I'll be seeing him again soon and I really want to have sex with him at some stage etc but that's the one thing holding me back. That I've never done it before. Can a guy tell if you're a virgin? Could I go through with it and get away with it? Reason for this: I almost lost it before but the minute I revealed it, guys bolted (because of the responsibility I guess??? )

Advice? Perspectives? ETC!

Thanks

Ickle Magoo

I think starting off a relationship by lying is not really the way to kick things off - I don't think any guy who is really interested in you would care if you are a virgin or not.

I'd be more inclined to tell the truth and if they do a bolt, use that as an excellent gauge that they weren't worth spending any more time or effort on...I mean, do you really want to have sex with a guy who would have bolted had you not lied to them?

Princess Peach

I was an old virgin too! If he is interested in you he won't care. And you should start off with honesty.

Gonna try and not get too graphic now in the gory details. It may be best for you to tell him, as it can be quite painful and him knowing will mean he will be more gentle, which you may need.

Can he tell? No. Sometimes things happen the first time that can be sings of virginity. These things have happened me after a few months of abstaining from sex too.

You should tell him. Just because you had a bad experience with a guy before, don't expect all guys to be like that. Do you want to have sex with this guy, or a relationship? If you really like him and want more, tell him. And if he likes you and wants more he won't care

msg11

I don't understand why people would bolt it, I wouldn't bolt although I would prefer to know it's your first time just to be a bit more gentle etc.. If he was that into you he wouldn't care..

LegacyUser

Hey OP, try not too be too hard on yourself. These things happen naturally and when its the right time for you. I am and still am an old virgin a little older than you and I try not to let it get it too me, I'm not bothered by it anymore, it happen when its the right time and the right time for me at my own pace and when I like to do it not cause I be pressured into it and no matter who I end up with I will always let them know that I am inexperienced. I had an ex and felt he was pressuring me to have sex after a few weeks of being together. I wasn't ready and didn't really want to have sex or with him.

Felt he broke up with me for that reason due to frustration but not down the fact I was a virgin. Was with a One night stand but didn't have sex with him I was ready but not ready to do it with him. Would rather wait until in a serious relationship, love, in love, fancy, like not just be fond of each other, have a connection, trust and chemistry before having sex with someone, I felt a one night stand wasn't the way to go. Just couldn't do it. He wasn't fazed by the fact I was a virgin and made sure I was ok but couldn't go through with it just didn't feel right though felt right at the time I realised it wasn't until the intimate encounter we had but glad I didn't go the whole way with him.

So basically if it feels right and its the right time then it happen naturally.

Try not let others pressure you into sex if you don't want to have sex. There is a difference between needing and wanting sex. There is a have to want and there is a I want to do this and do this for you with making your choice as to do it or not.

Your ex wasn't worth going the distance with if he left you like that. He made it clear he wanted to have sex with you but wasn't willing to just cause you are a virgin. It's no reason for him to have bolted like that. He was acting very immature and selfish.

You be better off with someone who likes you for you, virgin and all. A guy who truly likes, loves, in love with you, cares, trusts, fancies and goes out of their way to make you feel comfortable wouldn't care if you are a virgin or not and he shouldn't be taken aback that you are a virgin. If a guy appreciates you and cares for you then you being a virgin shouldn't matter and shouldn't bother him.

Best of luck Op! Stay safe.

LegacyUser

Hey Guys, thanks for the responses.
It was hard to say no to the guy for sex. I mean, the one thing that held me back was the fact I was a virgin and drama would ensue, eg - it would hurt, pain...etc
I don't know if I want a relationship or not with him. I want to have sex but you know what guys are like, I'm guessing whatever way you phrase this, he'll probably think responsibility or something silly like that.

How can you tell them?

anonvirgin

anonvirgin wrote: »

How can you tell them?

"Look, I have something to tell you - I'm a virgin". That's all. You're much better off telling him, because your first time is likely to hurt, so if he knows then he could go slower.

Stavro Mueller

Perhaps you might listen to your gut instinct here. If you're not comfortable telling this guy that you're a virgin, maybe he's not the person to have sex with for the first time.

howsyourtusk

anonvirgin wrote: »

Hey Guys, thanks for the responses.
It was hard to say no to the guy for sex. I mean, the one thing that held me back was the fact I was a virgin and drama would ensue, eg - it would hurt, pain...etc
I don't know if I want a relationship or not with him. I want to have sex but you know what guys are like, I'm guessing whatever way you phrase this, he'll probably think responsibility or something silly like that.

How can you tell them?

Why not spin it so when you're talking to him you make it seem like he's special in that he's going to be your first. That you like him enough to trust him to sleep with you. I think most guys would find that arousing

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I'd say the "ahhhh" of pain would be a give away right?

Silly question, but, is it ok to get sexual(oral and actual intercourse) with a guy without a relationship/commitment and retain his respect?
Should I make friends with him first etc?

I do like him but I'm gonna have a hard time keeping my hands off him next week :P
I need advice on this as my friends give conflicting answer.

Basically, if you get frisky with a guy before any relationship, do you ruin potential relationship wise?

dory

anonvirgin wrote: »

Thanks guys. I'd say the "ahhhh" of pain would be a give away right?

Silly question, but, is it ok to get sexual(oral and actual intercourse) with a guy without a relationship/commitment and retain his respect?
Should I make friends with him first etc?

I do like him but I'm gonna have a hard time keeping my hands off him next week :P
I need advice on this as my friends give conflicting answer.

Basically, if you get frisky with a guy before any relationship, do you ruin potential relationship wise?

Impossible to tell for sure, depends on the guy and how much he likes you. If he really likes you he probably won't think anything of you sleeping with him before going out. Also depends on his age (IMO). Safest bet would be to wait until you're together properly.

rainbowtrout

anonvirgin wrote: »

Thanks guys. I'd say the "ahhhh" of pain would be a give away right?

Silly question, but, is it ok to get sexual(oral and actual intercourse) with a guy without a relationship/commitment and retain his respect?
Should I make friends with him first etc?

I do like him but I'm gonna have a hard time keeping my hands off him next week :P
I need advice on this as my friends give conflicting answer.

Basically, if you get frisky with a guy before any relationship, do you ruin potential relationship wise?

Depends on the guy, but what is it you really want? Do you just want to have sex with him, or do you actually want a relationship with him? Do you want to spend any time getting to know him? What's the major rush about jumping into bed with him?

You said in your first post that he made it clear that he wanted to have sex with you. Does he want to see you otherwise? Not saying that he will, but will you be happy if you have sex with him the next time you see him and happy if he never wants to see you again because it was just a one night stand for him?

kjl

OP despite what you may see on Jersey Shore and other trash on TV it is perfectly normal to still be a virgin at age 20.

To answer you question, unless you still have you hymen it is impossible for a guy to tell if you are a virgin, and if this guy is about your age he is most probably as inexpedience as you. Not saying he is a virgin, but I assure you he will still be nervous about the situation.

If you like this guy, and you think he is the one, then go for it. If you do want to tell him that you are a virgin I am 100% sure he wont care.

But do remember that guys treat sex a little different to girls, for us, it's a little more about the conquest, I am not saying all guys are like this, but from how you describe him this guy sounds like one. Be aware that he may not call you, or wish to peruse a relationship with you, and once it's over it is very possible you will never see or hear from him again. That is why so many of the responses are asking you if you really are ready for this.

Either way best of luck, and honestly don't worry about the whole virgin thing.

LegacyUser

Well guys, we had so much "spark" , he never contacted me himself despite me giving him a push.(by asserting contact first) In fact, it seems I have been ignored..

So, damned if you do it; damned if you don't do it... basically....

What an a-hole.
I have a lot to offer. I'm a good looking, smart, fun girl. Easygoing and friendly.

Our mutual friends still maintain he likes me. Well, I didn't forget him. So if he liked me, he would of at least acknowledged my effort with him. But nothing, blank etc.....

Fed up :P

Herrick

anonvirgin wrote: »

Well guys, we had so much "spark" , he never contacted me himself despite me giving him a push.(by asserting contact first) In fact, it seems I have been ignored..

So, damned if you do it; damned if you don't do it... basically....

What an a-hole.
I have a lot to offer. I'm a good looking, smart, fun girl. Easygoing and friendly.

Our mutual friends still maintain he likes me. Well, I didn't forget him. So if he liked me, he would of at least acknowledged my effort with him. But nothing, blank etc.....

Fed up :P

OP had you and he gone on any dates? Or did you just get talking on a night out and he made it clear he wanted to sleep with you?

Given the fact you contacted him and have been ignored, I'd say forget him. Sorry, but it sounds like he only wanted sex

Is that the type of fella you'd really like to have sex with for your first time?

nkay1985

Yeah overall I'd say you might have dodged a bullet there with this guy.

For future reference, I would agree with being honest with a guy. If things are getting hot and heavy and you want to have sex, then just say "before we do this I have to tell you something. I'm a virgin but I do want to do this if you're ok with it." Frankly I'd be amazed if a guy would be able to stop himself at that point and it should ensure that he's a little gentler and you'll feel more comfortable letting him know if it's hurting a bit or something.

superblu

Very important to let somebody know you are a virgin. From a guys perspective without going into the gory details you could cause him quite a serious injury.

midnightdream

I was 27 when I slept for the first time with a man who is now my Husband and the father of my child!
I was quiet worried how he would react as I am very open minded about sex and we had some conversations about it, so I thought he thinks I have lots of experience! I told him one evening in the car and he was great about it! If he wouldn't that would have been it! And the first time itself then was really nice and I am glad I waited for what was obviously the right guy!
Best of Luck and I hope all will work out fine!