Concerned big sis

LegacyUser

Hey,

Just looking for some advice. I know some people will probably tell me to mind my own business and thats fair enough but i'm genuinely worried about my brother and his ex. Brief history majority of my family don't like her. I genuinely bent over backwards and tried to get on with her invited her to my house weekends away for my brothers sake, though I always had my reservations about her. She waltzes around my mams house like she owns the place, has shown pure disrespect to my mam and downright vulgar times at times. My brother lived with her in her parents house for a while and they totally took advantage charing him an extorionate amount of rent. Her family aren't the most wholesome bunch constantly scheming and everything is about money. Anyways they broke up and she has been constantly contacting my brother, she logged in to his FB and went crazy as he was messaging a girl. Always putting comments about him all over FB, playing mind games etc. My brother is a big softy and a bit naive when it comes to this sort of thing. Anyways a message was discovered from her the other day pleading with my brother just to be nice with her that she's on anti-depressants and is it okay to drink on these, etc. I am seriously concerned as he's going to meet with her this week and I don't know what lengths she will go to to get him back. Any advice???

Daisy M

I dont have a lot of advice other than whatever decision your brother makes you need to respect it. If you alienate him by condemming the woman he thinks he loves then he will have no one to turn to if he does begin to see her true colours and needs help and support.

What do you mean a message was discovered from her the other day? That comes across as if one of your family was snooping through your brothers facebook ac or his phone, if thats the case that is well out of order and extremely controlling, there is no excuse for invading his privacy.

LegacyUser

Daisy M wrote: »

I dont have a lot of advice other than whatever decision your brother makes you need to respect it. If you alienate him by condemming the woman he thinks he loves then he will have no one to turn to if he does begin to see her true colours and needs help and support.

What do you mean a message was discovered from her the other day? That comes across as if one of your family was snooping through your brothers facebook ac or his phone, if thats the case that is well out of order and extremely controlling, there is no excuse for invading his privacy.

Yes your are right about the privacy thing it was the first and only time a family member has done this and it was out of sheer concern, they feel extremely guilty about it. I would never alienate my brother but cannot be nice to this girl anymore i've always defended her case and i've had enough. The final straw for me was message she sent to me that was meant for her friend with the same name making absolute **** of my brother. She has everyone feeling sorry for her when she's just as much to blame. My brother doesn't even want her knowing he goes out as "she'll go mad" even though they're not together.

Idle Passerby

I understand your concerned about your brother but to be honest your family sound way too involved in his affairs. He's an adult, its his life, let him sort it out. You say he's a big softie and a bit naive, Im afraid he will never have to grow up, stand on his own two feet and be able to have a mature adult relationship as long as his big sister and mammy are keeping such a close eye on him.

LegacyUser

Idle Passerby wrote: »

I understand your concerned about your brother but to be honest your family sound way too involved in his affairs. He's an adult, its his life, let him sort it out. You say he's a big softie and a bit naive, Im afraid he will never have to grow up, stand on his own two feet and be able to have a mature adult relationship as long as his big sister and mammy are keeping such a close eye on him.

I understand what your saying, your right. But I don't keep a close eye on him, it's just we've seen things this girl has done or said and haven't told my brother as we didn't want to interfere, but it's gone beyond a joke at this point.

Daisy M

If you have evidence of things she has done/written about him then you should tell him and let him make his own informed decisions. I dont think there is any justifying looking through his personal messages, imho this should only happen in extreme circumstances ie where a person may be a danger to themselves or others.
I know you are concerned about your brother but you cant live his life, chances are if he is as big of a softy and as naieve as you say this wont be the last time someone takes advantage of him. Maybe you could ask your brother if he would be interested in some type of councelling to help him stand up for himself.

Idle Passerby

I would still say its better to stay out of it. He's not a child. All you can do is say to him that your worried/don't think she's right for him. He may not choose to listen and thats his prerogative, he needs to make his own mistakes.

Ok, so she's rude to your mum thats something you shouldn't have to put up with. If they get back together, put your foot down if you feel she's being disrespectful but say it to your brother not her. They might not get back together, in that case you have nothing whatsoever to be concerned about.

The fact that you dont like her family is irrelevant.

The fact that you don't think they should have been charging your brother so much rent is none of your concern, he chose to pay it.

The fact that she is on anti depressants is none of your business.

Her writing stuff on facebook is childish and will be seen as that by the majority of people.

The text you got by mistake was unfortunate. She is angry and was ranting to a friend (or so she thought).

You cant stop her contacting your brother. If he didn't want to meet her he could have refused. Unless he asks for your help, stay out of it.