Sexual compatibility?

LegacyUser

Hey,

Going unreg for this. It's a bit of a delicate issue and I'm not sure how best to approach it. I've started seeing someone who I think the world of. Things are going well in general, but the sex is terrible. Granted we've only slept together a couple of times, but there's been little to no foreplay and I'm starting to think he has a problem re premature ejaculation.
I really care about him so don't want to hurt his feelings. That said, on both occasions I've come away feeling really pissed off as he's done NOTHING for me. It's very frustrating.
I know he hasn't had much relationship experience and I've not asked him about his sex life but my gut tells me that he's not overly experienced there either. I should specify we're both mid-late 20's.
I tried to gently probe the issue by saying that next time we should spend a bit more time enjoying one another before we have intercourse, etc. I really don't want to hurt his pride. Could someone advise me about how best to go about getting my own needs met physically while not making him feel self-conscious? I've not been in this situation before.

Thanks

R.D. aka MR.D

I think the main thing is to gently direct him.

A little trick is when he is putting on the condom after he comes back into bed or whatever say 'oh just a sec i don't know if i'm ready, maybe you could....' (you don't have to finish that sentence just give him a big kiss and hopefully he will get the idea).

Or if he finishes too soon then give him a big hug and smile at him and make him feel good about himself but then start to kiss him again making it obvious that you aren't finished with the orgasm part yet! Start rubbing against him or something or gently push his hand in that direction. I'm sure he'll get the idea.

The main thing is that if you like him then just be patient. Most men are eager to learn these things and if you're nice about it and not pushy and aggressive they won't get scared. (Any men feel free to disagree with me, I could be very wrong!)

snafuk35

There are any number of sex manuals in book shops which teach men how to get a women off, different positions and the like. Buy one and command him to try them out. If he is not prepared to try then dump him and get yourself a proper man.

coco_lola

snafuk35 wrote: »

There are any number of sex manuals in book shops which teach men how to get a women off, different positions and the like. Buy one and command him to try them out. If he is not prepared to try then dump him and get yourself a proper man.

I think your post is quite harsh, and not at all helpful to the OP. Giving him a book will really damage his confidence, and probably make the situation even worse, because he won't be able to stop thinking about it! "Command" him to do it? Yeah, that's a great start to a relationship! And suggesting that he is not a "proper man" because he's either inexperienced, or just needs to strike a balance between what they both like, is ludicrous. Sex is very important in a relationship, but it's not the only part of a relationship!

OP, I think RDs advice is spot on. Just use positive messages instead of negative messages when you're in bed with him. Instead of saying "I don't like that" when he does something that doesn't work for you, try encouraging him with noises and positive phrases ("I really love it when you...") when he does something that you do like. He'll want to keep doing those things that make you so happy

Whatever you do, don't lie or fake it. Even if he is none the wiser, you'll never be happy because you'll have to keep up the pretence and you won't be satisfied.

Neyite

snafuk35 wrote: »

There are any number of sex manuals in book shops which teach men how to get a women off, different positions and the like. Buy one and command him to try them out. If he is not prepared to try then dump him and get yourself a proper man.

If you think a man can read a book and think that it applies to all women you are very much mistaken. You find out what turns a woman on by asking her. And what you do to float one womans boat could leave another unaroused entirely.

And the comment about getting a proper man? Read the OP again. She likes him and wants him to stick around but she also wants sexual pleasure. Throwing the kama sultra at him and saying "read this or you are dumped, boyo" will almost certainly leave the OP single, which is the opposite of what she wants.

OP, I'd open the conversation away from the bedroom - even when you are out having a drink you could use it as a form of of pre-foreplay with a lighthearted sexy chat.. "Do you know what I'd like to do to you later...[insert act], would that turn you on? This is what gets me going..." Ask him what he likes in bed, then suggest what you like. I'd steer clear of anything along the lines of "my ex used to ..." and more like "I have a very sensitive [insert body part] if you were to kiss me there it would drive me wild" or "do you like massages? I love them and I'll give you one if you return the favour "

Ickle Magoo

snafuk35, the forum rules clearly state all advice should be mature, civil and constructive - suggesting anyone commands another to do their bidding &/or making sweeping generalisations based on your views of a "proper" man is not helpful. This forum is strictly moderated and a certain standard of posting is expected; if you cannot or will not make worthwhile contributions then your posting rights will be revoked.

Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter before posting here again.

Many thanks.



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Mickey Dazzler

You know it really is a case different strokes for different folks.

I was alway an attentive lover. Then I met this girl and we began a sexual relationship. She might have well have been asexual for all she cared. Although she would have sex as often as I wanted and would do most things I asked for, she herself had no interest in her own pleasure. She never came and never seemed bother about coming. So as the relationship progressed I stopped trying to get her off and just concentrated on myself. She seemed happy enough. We stayed together for three years and by the end the sex was exactly how you describe the sex you are having now with your boyfriend. In and out in 2mins. She seemed happy because deep down I know she was not a sexual person and was just going along with it to keep me happy.

So we broke up and the next girl I started to go out with, I went straight into the in and out in 2mins routine without even thinking as that is what I had become used to. It soon became very clear that she was a very sexual person with serious needs that she expected them to be tended to. I soon reverted back to the way I was before I had met the ex girlfriend and we are still together and now thoroughly keep each other satisfied. Which is great.

I'm sure you could just tell the guy that you need more. Hopefully he will play ball. He could of course just be one of these guys who just does not get it and never will. In that case he would be perfectly suited to my ex....

As I said different stokes different folks... everybody find their match eventually.