14yr old, its very frustrating.

glenkeeran

Hi All,

I have a number of Children but my youngest is 14 nearly 15. The issue i have at the moment would be his mam. This young man is our only son and i feel an extra responsibility towards him especially in his youth development.
When he comes home from school i allow him have his dinner and relax for a while but now when the evenings are getting longer and the days are getting better i insist that he comes out to the garden and gets the grass cut, sweeps paths or other outside chores. The problem is my wife plays the mammy with him all the time and every time i turn my back or if i go away she either tells him to come in or telling him to stop the work and have a rest.
I have never been physical with my children regarding punishment but i do believe to lead by example and i have a deep belief that a young man has to be guided "no matter how much he sulks" to be responsible around his home and i do believe my wife is completely out of order by diminishing my authority towards the young man.

Do you think i am Harsh?

Daisy M

Personally I think on school days there is no need for chores apart from little things like putting plate in dish washer ect. Surely he will have a couple of hours homework or studying to do? At the weekends my lad age 14 has jobs to do as he will have during the summer hols. I rather these fine evenings that he gets outside for a bit of a kick around or a cycle before starting homework.

seamus

Do you give him stuff to do every night?

That's probably a bit much. He's still only a kid; most of his spare time should be spent having fun with his mates, not working around the house.
A couple of hours on Saturday morning cutting the grass and hoovering before he goes off with his mates, and maybe mundane stuff like peeling spuds or doing the washing up every other night during the week. But filling up his free time during the week with long manual labour is probably a bit much.

Maybe that's what you're talking about, but your post gives the impression that you give the poor guy time to have his dinner, watch fifteen minutes of telly before he's frog-marched outside to work until bedtime.

Gandhi

I'd say a bigger issue is that you need to come to an agreement with your wife what your expectations are chore-wise. You need to get away from a situation where you are telling him to cut the grass, and two minutes later she comes out and tells him not to bother.

glenkeeran

I probably came across a little strong as i don't have work every evening but i do have certain chores for him weekly. Regarding week/weekends, We live in the country and not many of his friends live close by so i have no issue leaving him it to our closest town during the weekend (days) and that's why i ask him to do some work on certain evenings.

Neyite

Your description is a bit vague - you say you give him certain chores, and some evenings. What would you consider to be an acceptable amount of chores per week?

Also you mention children, and have one son. Do you treat your son differently chore-wise to his siblings, or is it equal? Would you give the same chores to them all equally?

When we were growing up, the chores were equal-oppertunities - we all got called out to do the farm work when needed, and all hands on board. Same with gardening, painting, and indoor chores like hoovering, cleaning the bathrooms, sitting room, kitchen.

Quality

Glenkeeran.
Just a few ideas for you.

I think that work and chores are positive and will keep him physically fit, give him a sense if reaponsibility and achievemnt and the fresh air is good!

Would you consider doing the chores with him and having some father son time together?

If he is to do the jobs, thank him and praise him for his work.

Add a positive spin to your wife.. Ie isn't it great to see young "John" giving a dig out around the house!

If he is motivated to do it there will be less sulking. Even a reward of a few quid or a treat can work as well!

Piliger

Good post Quality. One rider I would add, not in support of the OP or against him ... and that is that 'sulkiness' is part of the package. Get used to it. It will go on for about 5 more years. Mine is nearly 20 and it hasn't ended yet :rolleyes: