9 Year Old Insists On Playing On Goal

quintain

OK, here goes ...
I realise that in the greater scheme of things this is a non-problem, but it's driving me crazy, and I worry that this seemingly small problem is revealing bigger issues with me as a parent. I have never looked for parenting advice on the internet before, but I really need some guidance on this.

I have a nearly 10 year old boy who plays football (soccer) with a very big local club, he has trained with them since before his 5th birthday, he has hardly ever missed a training session, let alone a match. He was a very good player but about 18 months ago started talking about playing on goal, later he started insisting on it. This season he has spent every match on goal.

I tried to be enthusiastic and take an interest, but the thing is ... he's no good on goal. He hasn't a clue what he's doing, and there is nobody showing him - there was specialist coaching for a few weeks but that's gone now. Yet he still insists on playing on goal. He can catch very basic shots but I can honestly say that I have never seen him make a decent save ... no matter what I say to him he insists on staying on goal, as far
as I can see he is effectively a ball boy for the team !!

I actually stopped him bringing his goalie gloves to practice sessions because I felt
he was being treated like a ball boy, literally standing there on goal looking at the outfield players doing their drills (which he doesn't want to take part in because he's a goalie !!).

Apart from the fact that he has now lost a whole season of progression, and he is likely to stay behind on the B team while his mates move on to the A team (which is going to hurt him more than he knows) I have completely lost interest, I don't even want to go the matches, because I just can't sit through it anymore !!

BTW he has other sports, he's a good little hurler, but I'd like him to stick at the soccer as well.

I don't think soccer is my big issue here, I think my frustration stems from looking at him making a choice that seems to me to be obviously wrong and not being able to influence him.

Could anybody offer me opinion on the following :

1) Am I being ridiculous? I have no ambition for him in soccer beyond staying healthy and making friends, should I just go with the flow?

2) Am I doing something wrong, how can it be so hard to communicate with a child?

3) If it is this stressful and difficult trying to talk sense to him as a 9/10 year old, what is it going to be like when he's 15?

4) I simply cannot believe how stubborn he is and how hard it is to talk to him (and if I'm honest, it's not easy for me to stay calm) !!

5) Does he want to give up soccer and doesn't want to tell me? It would be very sad for me, he's played since he was a little baby, but in a way, I kind of wish he would, I'm fed up with all the time this is taking up and it is almost certain to end up with him being separated onto a different from his friends.
6) Is he afraid to fail? If he is the goalie he is guaranteed a place on the team, if he's outfield he's not, is that it?

7) In typing this up have I answered my own question? Is he trying to protect himself ? "If I'm the goalie I'm always on the team", but he is now after setting himself up for an even bigger fall because he is unlikely to be moved on to the next team with the others (ie the club has alternative and much better goalies in his age range)

8) I've spoken to the coaches, briefly, some months ago, they tired to help a little but I suppose they don't have time for every child's quirks. And as long as he shows up with his gloves, they have a goalie !!

Any opinions welcome - do you guys join a parents association, who can I speak to calmly about this.

Yours sincerely,
A very frustrated dad.

KittyeeTrix

Maybe it's not a competitive thing for him.....

My 2 lads now aged 15 and 17 were involved in rugby and soccer when they were younger.
The 17 yr old was in goals like your boy when he was aged about 7 and honestly I laughed from the sidelines. He would prance and dance around the goals while the game was going on and he couldn't give a flying, yet he loved going to the practices. To him, it was more of a social event.

My other son was the same with rugby. Himself and another lad would run up and down the sidelines playing and having a laugh while the rest of the subs would be mad to get onto the pitch to play.

Fast forward a few years and they are now All Ireland Rowing Champions. This was the sport for them.

Ask your son is he more interested in playing the sport than actually winning at it and then just accept what he says and enjoy his interest in it:)

campo

Leave him in goals sport is all about enjoying it and if he enjoys playing in goals then support him ( give it a couple of years and a few bad games and he will want to play outfield )

My young lad was the opposite he wanted to play as a striker but he was not any good at this the club put him left back and he turned out to be a cracking player ( has been called up to Kennedy Cup Team ) but to this day he still says he wants to play up front

TheVoodoo

Granted I don't have children of my own, but i'm a qualified coach for rugby, which I do at weekends / evenings.

The amount of kids that will play in positions that they are 'bad' at is very high, but the attitude at the club I'm at is about developing a passion and love for the game. If the kid likes playing at a specific position, let them at it!

I'd much rather my team to have fun and enjoy themselves than play in positions that they have no interest in, and will eventually lead them to hate the game.

I think ( from a coaches perspective ) that go with the flow once he's enjoying himself and having fun. At that age kids and sport are very impressionable, and will pick up on a 'Negative' attitude toward it. Just ask him is he genuinely having fun at soccer, and if he is; surely there is no harm. If he's not having fun then maybe it's time for a different approach / new team or sport.

CrazyRabbit

Ask him why. But...and this is the really important part...he has to know 100% that it is his decision and that you will support him no matter what. Explain in bullet-point-type points what your concern is (that he will be left behind). Don't make it too complicated...he is 9 after all.

If he really a truly wants to be a goalie, then let him be. So long as he is happy, and understands the possible consequences (of perhaps not staying with his team mates), then I don't see the problem.
If there is a reason why he is 'avoiding' playing in the outfield, then tell him you can help him to fix it, but will do nothing without his approval. There might be something else going on.

Did anything happen that might make him question his ability to play well? Something that might have knocked his confidence as a player?

Does he have any problems with any of the other team mates?

Tom Joad

It could be that its not the sport for him and he see it as a social event - if that's the case i'd let him at it - he'll eventually find what's right for him.

But it could be something else and I've seen before where lads that age lose their confidence because of something that happened or said to him in a game. So if he hides in goals he can't be blamed for making a mistake - am using kid logic here!! If this is the case you need to tease it out with him and put him right.

Personally I think their should be no competitions at that age and the focus should be on kids enjoying themselves and the game but that's for another day.

up for anything

quintain wrote: »

I tried to be enthusiastic and take an interest, but the thing is ... he's no good on goal. He hasn't a clue what he's doing, and there is nobody showing him - there was specialist coaching for a few weeks but that's gone now. Yet he still insists on playing on goal. He can catch very basic shots but I can honestly say that I have never seen him make a decent save ... no matter what I say to him he insists on staying on goal, as far as I can see he is effectively a ball boy for the team !!

...I actually stopped him bringing his goalie gloves to practice sessions because I felt he was being treated like a ball boy, literally standing there on goal looking at the outfield players doing their drills (which he doesn't want to take part in because he's a goalie !!).

Apart from the fact that he has now lost a whole season of progression, and he is likely to stay behind on the B team while his mates move on to the A team (which is going to hurt him more than he knows) I have completely lost interest, I don't even want to go the matches, because I just can't sit through it anymore !!


...I think my frustration stems from looking at him making a choice that seems to me to be obviously wrong and not being able to influence him.

.....Am I being ridiculous? I have no ambition for him in soccer beyond staying healthy and making friends, should I just go with the flow?

Whoa up, lad. I won't say you are being ridiculous because you obviously care about him but you are acting like the worst of stage mothers! There's a lot of 'I-ing' in your post. It's not about how you feel about him playing football but how he feels about it and what he gets out of it.

If you learn anything about kids it's that they will generally go against anything that they can see you really want and that they don't either care about or want something different. Also that they are people in their own right and do not think or have the same priorities that you do about things that affect them.

You are putting an awful lot of pressure on him by doing things like not bringing his goalie gloves with you and being reluctant to attend matches. That is sending out signals to him. You seem to be more worried about him being second best on the B team compared to his present team mates;/friends than he is.

If you feel that he is losing out on fitness and know-how because he can't be bothered to join in the drills (I'm not even sure what they are!) then ask the coach to tell him that it isn't optional and every player needs to be fit and know how to play the whole game and not just their little bit.

Secondly, if you're worried that he's a crap goalie and not getting the proper coaching, then throw your energies into teaching him how to be a good one. There's a great big internet out there with lots of how to tools at your disposal. Make use of it. That is of course with his approval and willingness to learn.

Otherwise, it's time for you to join a soccer team yourself.

ash23

I think it's great that he's willing to do something he loves rather than something he is "good" at. And that he is able to stand up against the pressure being put on him to do something else.

My daughter is 9 and can be as stubborn as a mule. And sometimes it is infuriating. But at the same time I can also see that she won't be bent by peer pressure if there is something she doesn't want to do.

Let him enjoy being goalie and if he is upset when his friends move, well you can offer a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on and let him decide for himself what decision he wants to make.

As they get older we have to start letting them make their own choices a bit more.

implausible

Just a thought - maybe he's just not into soccer any more, but realises how much you want him to play. Perhaps him playing in goal is his way of compromising without letting you down.

quintain

Folks, thank you all for reading my very long post and replying. I had reservations about posting such a personal issue on a website but now I am glad I did, I agree with most of what you have all said, it has given me food fir thought, just one thing though ....

up for anything wrote: »

If you learn anything about kids it's that they will generally go against anything that they can see you really want and that they don't either care about or want something different.

I agree with this, but why? What psychology is at work that make these little people want to go against you all the time?

bennyc

My advice as both a parent and a soccer coach is for you to enroll on an FAI coaching course. They are not expensive and will give you a great understanding of what pressures are going through kids starting off playing sports. If he wants to play in goal then you would be better off helping him out in this aspect rather than putting presssure on him not to. I have been coaching for close on ten years and have seen great young players giving up the game due to pressure from parents.

There could be a number of reasons why he would want to play outfield , pressure from coaches / parents or fear of getting chewed by other players outfield.
Or he might just want to be a goalkeeper in that case maybe help him out with becoming a keeper.

Here is a link to the FAI Courses there is one on Goalkeeping intro, I think it was 50euro when i done it.

There is also Coerver Coaching in Ireland who have plenty of info for parents looking to help their kids.

Jess16

quintain wrote: »

What psychology is at work that make these little people want to go against you all the time?

It's called having a mind of their own and it's something you should be pleased about. Don't try to live your life vicariously through your child

gcgirl

Jess16 wrote: »

quintain wrote: »

What psychology is at work that make these little people want to go against you all the time?

It's called having a mind of their own and it's something you should be pleased about. Don't try to live your life vicariously through your child

I would be inclined to agree here, I played soccer and Gaa most of my life but my kids have zero interest in them and I did bring them but it's not their thing and I'm not going to push them in to something they've no interest in, plus what's wrong with being a goal keeper? That where you get the praise I know I certainly got them