The Artist: A short poem by meself.

The Jammy dodger

Hi. I normally do songs and that but dabble in poetry too, although I must confess I'm entirely rubbish at it. But I would appreciate any advice more experienced poetical/creative writers here have on my writing style.

The Artist

Brushes his cold, wet nose with fingers
Brave, Courageous, he ploughs the rain
Children in the sheltered shadows
Sigh, Chuckle, ''There he goes again''

To the Artist sound is absent, occupied with thoughts
Some wild, tamed, it makes his brain itchy
Writing, thinking, akin to poisonous alcohol
One, Two, four verse, ok now he's tipsy
Time to take the dog for a walk

P. Breathnach

You write as if grammar does not matter.

pickarooney

P. Breathnach wrote: »

You write as if grammar does did not matter.

:pac:

PurpleBee

pickarooney wrote: »

:pac:

can I just ask quickly why that's wrong?

pickarooney

It's an alternative-reality if as opposed to a plausible if.

CaoimH_in

Grammar isn't high on the list of priorities for many poets?

boredboard

nice effort/concept (non-expert here btw)... some thoughts, though I do not claim to understand what is happening in the poem.
I like the opening line and the idea of the artist's world being without sound...imho 'less is more' here. I would lose 'courageous', 'brave', 'occupied with thoughts'. Build on ideas of; 'artist's' world being without sound; concept of 'drunk on ideas/thoughts'? or maybe just drunk? Assault the other senses more to contrast 'absence of sound'... good luck

The Jammy dodger

Thanks for the advice everyone. As you say my grammer is rotten and it's something I need to brush up on.:o I'm grateful for little criticisms like that.

I'll try and stretch out those ideas the last poster mentioned. See what I can do. I'm not very good at these poetry stuff but we all have to start somewhere I guess and we need help so thats why I came here. Thanks for the help and advice everyone. If anyone has any more advice please do share.

P. Breathnach

The Jammy dodger wrote: »

Thanks for the advice everyone. As you say my grammer is rotten and it's something I need to brush up on.:o I'm grateful for little criticisms like that.

I'll try and stretch out those ideas the last poster mentioned. See what I can do. I'm not very good at these poetry stuff but we all have to start somewhere I guess and we need help so thats why I came here. Thanks for the help and advice everyone. If anyone has any more advice please do share.

I didn't say that your grammar is rotten. What I meant is that you don't seem to have paid attention to it.

Your response here tells me that you do indeed have some sense of grammar: you write sentences, using conventions such as capitalisation and punctuation. You should be careful about ignoring those conventions, because it is more difficult to write well without following them.

Insect Overlord

E.E.Cummings is worth reading for an idea of how to bend grammar rules and still come up with good poetry.

lizzybradbury

CaoimH_in wrote: »

Grammar isn't high on the list of priorities for many poets?

I have to say that's an awful thing to write about any writer! Grammar is crucial to the novelist, journalist and poet. Grammar is as important as the words you're writing, due to the fact that it can change sentence meaning with the tiniest of dots or dashes.

If you are a writer and don't think grammar matters then change that idea and buy, 'Oxford A-Z of Grammar and Punctuation' - Learn it by heart and then write again.

I like the idea behind the poem written here. I'm not a prolific poet but rather a novelist, however, my suggestions would be to free yourself up a little. Write what you are feeling rather than feeling something and trying to make others understand it. You are writing poetry to express yourself and that should be done regardless of whether others understand you or not.

I hope that makes sense, and that it helps you with your poetry. If not, discard it with as little care as a duck's back discards water drops and carry on your own way

CaoimH_in

I have to say that's an awful thing to write about any writer! Grammar is crucial to the novelist, journalist and poet. Grammar is as important as the words you're writing, due to the fact that it can change sentence meaning with the tiniest of dots or dashes.

If you are a writer and don't think grammar matters then change that idea and buy, 'Oxford A-Z of Grammar and Punctuation' - Learn it by heart and then write again.

Oh Jesus, relax! Paul Muldoon, Herbert Zibignew, William Carlos Williams, (as was said) E.E. Cummings, Linton Kwesi Johnston, et al. don't use strict grammar and their work profits from it. So sit down.

P. Breathnach

CaoimH_in wrote: »

Oh Jesus, relax! Paul Muldoon, Herbert Zibignew, William Carlos Williams, (as was said) E.E. Cummings, Linton Kwesi Johnston, et al. don't use strict grammar and their work profits from it. So sit down.

I suspect that they do not write with an unawareness of grammar (I don't have a strongly-held opinion on that, as their work doesn't appeal to me).

If you want to break the rules, it is best that you do so in a knowing way, and that you be fully in control of your language. And if you invite other people to read your work, you owe it to yourself and them that you hold a clear idea of what you are about and that you make your writing accessible to the reader.

CaoimH_in

He/she did so in a knowing way? It's apparent they can write with ease.

PurpleBee

P. Breathnach wrote: »

you owe it to yourself and them that you hold a clear idea of what you are about and that you make your writing accessible to the reader.

...or inaccessible in the case of Beckett, great example of a writer with a profound understanding of grammar mercilessly abusing it.

P. Breathnach

PurpleBee wrote: »

...or inaccessible in the case of Beckett, great example of a writer with a profound understanding of grammar mercilessly abusing it.

Interesting point. I suppose it can be argued that a writer is entitled to filter the readership by making his or her work inaccessible to many.