How to start a Separation

cgh

Hi there folks,

just wondering who out there has started down the road of separation,
how does it all work,
i have spoken to a solicitor and he ahs recommended counselling and after that mediation, if that fails to call back to see him to push things forward.
but in honesty, this is quite overwhelming at the moment.
i need a reality check for a moment.
counselling has helped a little but hasnt helped to reconcile the marriage.
we are married 10 years and have 3 kids, we both work and i would be the main earner. not going into much detail on the work front,
both names are on the mortgage and to be honest i couldnt afford to move out, so its a real catch 22 for me. any advice or insight to the process would be great.
i am hoping that we can do the separtion amicably and not throught the courts. fingers crossed anyway

snor

Hi cgh
I am sorry to hear that you find yourself in this situation - it is a very difficult time for all involved. A good starting point is Citizens Information - I found the following information very good as I had not a clue how to start the process - http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/

My advice to you is to keep it away from the courts as much as possible - from a cost and an emotional perspective. Not sure of your situation but mediation - where both of you meet together with a trained professional and come up with solutions re:children,house etc is in my view the best way to an amicable agreement but both of you must agree to attend. It is also not suitable in all cases but your solicitor should advise you here.

Make sure you have a good solicitor - personal recommendations count for a lot.

Please try everything in your power to save the marriage. Separation is a tough, painful and lonely journey for all involved. Wishing you all the best.

Fea.

Sorry OP that this has happened and that your beginning the separation route, its tough and lonely as Snor has just said but depending on how you and your wife are getting along and how both of you are going to deal with this depends a lot on what the outcome will be.

Mediation will only work if both of you contact the mediation services individually and they will set up an appoint to meet you both together, then individually and some suggest even meeting with the children.

Counselling maybe be helpful if both of you want to try to save the marriage and you find a good counsellor, maybe one thats recommended would be best.

Because I was working part-time and my husband at the time was the main wage earner, I was entitled to free legal aid. Only one of the separating couple is entitled to claim for free legal aid, not both, so more than likely, if your at the point that a separation is inevitable, then you need to find your own solicitor. I'm sorry I have no idea what the fees might be, perhaps someone else might help you there or you could ask your solicitor for details on expenses that are likely to crop up before you begin the process.

In my case, I knew exactly what was needed in our Separation Agreement and specified it to my solicitor. It was very basic and straight forward with as little legal jargon as possible. I was lucky in one sense in that at the time, both myself and my husband knew that separation was the only option left for us. We both signed the Agreement, and that was it. No court proceedings necessary.

My husband moved out and managed to find a house to rent that he could afford. It wasn't ideal but eventually he was offered a place on a housing list, which about a year later paid off as he is in a brand new 3 bed house and things are finally working out for the both of us. I won't lie to you, it was a seriously tough first year but it does eventually get easier.

Best of luck xxx

cgh

thanks for the words of advice,
fingers crossed we can work things out,