Absolutely single!

LegacyUser

So ever since my ex broke up with me last June, I have had zero interest from women, not even a kiss. It’s the longest I’ve gone without any physical contact from women since I was a teenager or so. I’m 31 now. I go out every weekend, talk to everyone, I have taken up hobbies like kick boxing and a Spanish class, yet nothing is happening romantically. I have friends who seem to pick up girls every time we go out, even if they are so drunk they can barely talk. Whereas I just chat the women and don’t have an iota as to how to let them know I’m interested. I am not that fussy about looks, I am good looking myself, tall, in good shape, smart, and by no means a pushover nice guy type.
It did however really damage me when my ex dumped me. I had moved country for her and within a matter of weeks she decided I wasn’t for her. This really broke my heart as I adored her, really loved her but it turned out she never loved me and was not attracted to me. She also cheated on me once with a friend of a friend, just a snog, but it killed me. The whole ordeal has made me feel awful about myself and I don’t think I have the highest opinion of myself. Being dumped and treated badly and then not even having a kiss since, not far off a year later, does that to you. It feels like it’s getting worse and worse and I’m loathing myself more and more and feeling unworthy of anyone. I don’t even particularly want a girlfriend, just a casual bit of fun, just something that reminds me that I’m not a freak. I used to have all kinds of encounters with women in the past, now nothing is happening.
What the hell is wrong with me? I have tried online dating yes, good photos, good messages sent, but 90% of people don’t reply, and the ones that did dicked me around and cancelled dates, so it did no good for my confidence at all when so many people look at your profile having sent a message, but then don’t get back to you!
What do I have to do to feel like a man again? Thanks for reading.

Idle Passerby

Ah come on! No kisses since June, thats nothing! Try being single for years and not meeting anyone that interests you!

Give yourself time to readjust to being by yourself before looking to meet the next one.

ash23

mynamegoeshere wrote: »

It did however really damage me when my ex dumped me. I had moved country for her and within a matter of weeks she decided I wasn’t for her. This really broke my heart as I adored her, really loved her but it turned out she never loved me and was not attracted to me. She also cheated on me once with a friend of a friend, just a snog, but it killed me. The whole ordeal has made me feel awful about myself and I don’t think I have the highest opinion of myself. Being dumped and treated badly and then not even having a kiss since, not far off a year later, does that to you. It feels like it’s getting worse and worse and I’m loathing myself more and more and feeling unworthy of anyone. I don’t even particularly want a girlfriend, just a casual bit of fun, just something that reminds me that I’m not a freak. I used to have all kinds of encounters with women in the past, now nothing is happening.

Op, I'm going to be blunt.
You're a guy who is still hung up on his ex, who is looking for a shag so he can feel better about himself and you're wondering why you can't get some?

Riddle me this, what have you got to offer a girl? Because by the sounds of it, you're not interested in offering her anything. You're out for what you can get. And no woman wants to be some blokes band-aid.

You're not (imo) ready for a relationship. No woman is going to make you feel better about yourself. it's not her job. Where's the "fun" in some bloke using you to make himself feel better?

You are obviously giving off a vibe if you can't even get a snog in a club. Be it an angry vibe or a needy one or what, I don't know. But if you were happy in your own skin you wouldn't have much bother at least getting a kiss.

LegacyUser

hey man, female replying here to tell you go easy on yourself dude. internet dating has +/-'s , keeping up your interests and keeping out in the social scene is the way to go. Don't be hard on yourself, you are clearly one of the good ones

beks101

mynamegoeshere wrote: »

What do I have to do to feel like a man again?

Here's your problem. It's not healthy or fair (on you or women) to think this way and doing so is going to riddle you with all sorts of emotional problems and insecurities.

This is not only why you're not having any luck romantically (confidence, sense of humour about oneself...the primary traits that attract most women) but also why you're still blaming yourself over what happened with your ex. Most people would have come to terms with the fact that she just wasn't a very nice person and selfishly strung you along by now.

Work on your confidence and work on your sense of self-worth so that it's not based on external factors that you have no control over. I'd suggest doing some reading and maybe thinking about talking to a professional for a while.

Lorna123

mynamegoeshere wrote: »

So ever since my ex broke up with me last June, I have had zero interest from women, not even a kiss. It’s the longest I’ve gone without any physical contact from women since I was a teenager or so. I’m 31 now. I go out every weekend, talk to everyone, I have taken up hobbies like kick boxing and a Spanish class, yet nothing is happening romantically. I have friends who seem to pick up girls every time we go out, even if they are so drunk they can barely talk. Whereas I just chat the women and don’t have an iota as to how to let them know I’m interested. I am not that fussy about looks, I am good looking myself, tall, in good shape, smart, and by no means a pushover nice guy type.
It did however really damage me when my ex dumped me. I had moved country for her and within a matter of weeks she decided I wasn’t for her. This really broke my heart as I adored her, really loved her but it turned out she never loved me and was not attracted to me. She also cheated on me once with a friend of a friend, just a snog, but it killed me. The whole ordeal has made me feel awful about myself and I don’t think I have the highest opinion of myself. Being dumped and treated badly and then not even having a kiss since, not far off a year later, does that to you. It feels like it’s getting worse and worse and I’m loathing myself more and more and feeling unworthy of anyone. I don’t even particularly want a girlfriend, just a casual bit of fun, just something that reminds me that I’m not a freak. I used to have all kinds of encounters with women in the past, now nothing is happening.
What the hell is wrong with me? I have tried online dating yes, good photos, good messages sent, but 90% of people don’t reply, and the ones that did dicked me around and cancelled dates, so it did no good for my confidence at all when so many people look at your profile having sent a message, but then don’t get back to you!
What do I have to do to feel like a man again? Thanks for reading.

How you let a woman know you are interested in them is easy, you chat them up, buy them a drink and ask for their phone number, ring them up and ask them out on a date. If they refuse you go on to the next woman until you find one who is interested.

Don't base your worth on the fact that the ex dumped you. This probably wasn't about you, but her, she just wanted to play the field. She was not the one for you and you will notice the difference when you do find the right one.

Being dumped and treated badly is just awful and it does take a while to pick yourself up and dust yourself down but don't let another month go by thinking about the ex and what might have been.

Online dating is not always the best way to meet people. You don't know who you are talking to or what they are like or even if they are telling the truth about themselves on the net.

Get out there to a disco or nightclub and keep on going until your confidence returns. You have a lot going for you if you are tall, good looking and in good shape. Eventually you will get lucky. Hope it is soon.

superfish

maybe your just trying too hard, next time you go out just go out to enjoy yourself and forget about girls, personally I find that if I go out with the intention of pulling it never happens its always when im not bothered

snafuk35

Lorna123 wrote: »

How you let a woman know you are interested in them is easy, you chat them up, buy them a drink and ask for their phone number, ring them up and ask them out on a date. If they refuse you go on to the next woman until you find one who is interested.

Don't listen to this advice OP. If you do this, you come across as desperate. It's better to stop trying. Women are very attracted to a man who does the exact opposite of what they expect. An attractive man does not have to even try because he is effortlessly attractive to women. He just has a vibe.

Don't base your worth on the fact that the ex dumped you. This probably wasn't about you, but her, she just wanted to play the field. She was not the one for you and you will notice the difference when you do find the right one.

OP this is more bogus advice. There is no 'right one' and there never will be. What you should accept is that you cannot control how other people behave. Any number of women could be your girlfriend or partner or wife.

Being dumped and treated badly is just awful and it does take a while to pick yourself up and dust yourself down but don't let another month go by thinking about the ex and what might have been.

Don't wait a while OP. Dive right in there. You are entitled to be happy and you deserve to have the adoration of the opposite sex. This isn't something you should have to demand. If you are an attractive looking man women are already checking you out only you have to open your eyes. The last time you were in the supermarket and you saw a tasty looking girl and you felt you should go up and say hi, that's when you should have done it. So do it tomorrow! Don't care about being rejected or making a fool of yourself because you are above all that.

Online dating is not always the best way to meet people. You don't know who you are talking to or what they are like or even if they are telling the truth about themselves on the net.

OP this is precisely what you should try online dating or any other kind of dating. The fun is meeting a person who is not telling you the truth and breaking them down because that's what women like - a man who cuts through all the crap and cuts to chase.

Get out there to a disco or nightclub and keep on going until your confidence returns. You have a lot going for you if you are tall, good looking and in good shape. Eventually you will get lucky. Hope it is soon.

OP you don't get lucky. A woman kisses you or goes out with or sleeps with or agrees to marry you because you knew what you were doing. There is human courtship ritual that has existed since the dawn of time. You need to master it. Luck has nothing to do with it. The guys you know who get with women learned how to do it. You shouldn't have to depend on discos or nighclubs either. Why not if you see a cute chick in the middle of the day just go over a talk to her? And finally don't be hoping or praying or pleading for it to happen. Women will see that a mile off.

LegacyUser

Lorna123 wrote: »

How you let a woman know you are interested in them is easy, you chat them up, buy them a drink and ask for their phone number, ring them up and ask them out on a date. If they refuse you go on to the next woman until you find one who is interested.

Don't base your worth on the fact that the ex dumped you. This probably wasn't about you, but her, she just wanted to play the field. She was not the one for you and you will notice the difference when you do find the right one.

Thanks for all your replies. Yes I chat to women all the time, I have no social awkwardness at all, I probably come across as confident but there's a difference between talking to women and actually getting anywhere with them. Whereas I could spend an hour talking to a girl, a mate could come along pissed out of his head an within a minute or two be snogging the face off her, it's happened a few times. So I'm doing something wrong somewhere. I don't know how to "make a move" or whatever, I guess I have a massive fear of rejection after the last girl. And no she didn't want to play the field, she's 36 now, she just decided she didn't fancy me that much.

Superfish wrote:

maybe your just trying too hard, next time you go out just go out to enjoy yourself and forget about girls, personally I find that if I go out with the intention of pulling it never happens its always when im not bothered

Not true, I've been out enjoying myself at least twice a week for the last 8 months or so, I've had some great times, made some great new friends and I never go out with the intention of hooking up, which is probably where the problem is!

Op, I'm going to be blunt.
You're a guy who is still hung up on his ex, who is looking for a shag so he can feel better about himself and you're wondering why you can't get some?

ash123 wrote:

Riddle me this, what have you got to offer a girl? Because by the sounds of it, you're not interested in offering her anything. You're out for what you can get. And no woman wants to be some blokes band-aid.

I don't really want anything in particular, but would there be anything wrong with just wanting a fling for now? For wanting sex? I miss physical contact - so sue me.

Anyway, I checked my internet dating profile thing yesterday and some pretty Italian girl had messaged me and now wants to meet up. So I might not be that bad afterall.

Partizan

snafuk35 wrote: »

Don't listen to this advice OP. If you do this, you come across as desperate. It's better to stop trying. Women are very attracted to a man who does the exact opposite of what they expect. An attractive man does not have to even try because he is effortlessly attractive to women. He just has a vibe.



OP this is more bogus advice. There is no 'right one' and there never will be. What you should accept is that you cannot control how other people behave. Any number of women could be your girlfriend or partner or wife.



Don't wait a while OP. Dive right in there. You are entitled to be happy and you deserve to have the adoration of the opposite sex. This isn't something you should have to demand. If you are an attractive looking man women are already checking you out only you have to open your eyes. The last time you were in the supermarket and you saw a tasty looking girl and you felt you should go up and say hi, that's when you should have done it. So do it tomorrow! Don't care about being rejected or making a fool of yourself because you are above all that.





OP this is precisely what you should try online dating or any other kind of dating. The fun is meeting a person who is not telling you the truth and breaking them down because that's what women like - a man who cuts through all the crap and cuts to chase.



OP you don't get lucky. A woman kisses you or goes out with or sleeps with or agrees to marry you because you knew what you were doing. There is human courtship ritual that has existed since the dawn of time. You need to master it. Luck has nothing to do with it. The guys you know who get with women learned how to do it. You shouldn't have to depend on discos or nighclubs either. Why not if you see a cute chick in the middle of the day just go over a talk to her? And finally don't be hoping or praying or pleading for it to happen. Women will see that a mile off.

Best advice is here for you to take OP. It is not a coincidence that women (particularly Irish) give the worst advice when it comes to courtship and dating due to their own insecurities. I have lived abroad and I can tell you OP that this is the approach and method that the local guys adopt. So you got dumped, well so did I, twice but I did not dwell on it for months, I just got out there. When the next girl told me to feck off, I moved on to the next. Plenty of fish in the sea. Yes it's an old cliche but it's true. This weekend with Paddy's Day and all that, make the extra effort and put yourself out there. There will be loads of single girls out for fun.

CARPE DIEM

johnr1

snafuk35 wrote: »

Don't listen to this advice OP. If you do this, you come across as desperate. It's better to stop trying. Women are very attracted to a man who does the exact opposite of what they expect. An attractive man does not have to even try because he is effortlessly attractive to women. He just has a vibe.



OP this is more bogus advice. There is no 'right one' and there never will be. What you should accept is that you cannot control how other people behave. Any number of women could be your girlfriend or partner or wife.



Don't wait a while OP. Dive right in there. You are entitled to be happy and you deserve to have the adoration of the opposite sex. This isn't something you should have to demand. If you are an attractive looking man women are already checking you out only you have to open your eyes. The last time you were in the supermarket and you saw a tasty looking girl and you felt you should go up and say hi, that's when you should have done it. So do it tomorrow! Don't care about being rejected or making a fool of yourself because you are above all that.





OP this is precisely what you should try online dating or any other kind of dating. The fun is meeting a person who is not telling you the truth and breaking them down because that's what women like - a man who cuts through all the crap and cuts to chase.



OP you don't get lucky. A woman kisses you or goes out with or sleeps with or agrees to marry you because you knew what you were doing. There is human courtship ritual that has existed since the dawn of time. You need to master it. Luck has nothing to do with it. The guys you know who get with women learned how to do it. You shouldn't have to depend on discos or nighclubs either. Why not if you see a cute chick in the middle of the day just go over a talk to her? And finally don't be hoping or praying or pleading for it to happen. Women will see that a mile off.

^^^One or two good ideas buried among the biggest load of PUA shyte Ive seen in a while.
Clearly you think about stuff like this, - maybe read a little more on your subject matter.

My advice OP is to stop panicking. When you're ready, you'll find yourself meeting women who are interested in you again. Your ex is a bi*ch, she eroded your self esteem, and that takes time to recover from. It's like your system takes time to reset. I've been similar, and it's taken anything up to a year to recover. In that time, I couldn't 'pull' to save my life. Like so many other things, when you stop trying, it happens for you.

ash23

mynamegoeshere wrote: »

I don't really want anything in particular, but would there be anything wrong with just wanting a fling for now? For wanting sex? I miss physical contact - so sue me.

You're missing my point. Women like sex and physical contact too. But good sex. With a confident man who is sure of himself and also who is concerned about her pleasure and needs too. Not some guy who is looking for someone, anyone, to shag to make himself feel better because his ex screwed him over.

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

You're missing my point. Women like sex and physical contact too. But good sex. With a confident man who is sure of himself and also who is concerned about her pleasure and needs too. Not some guy who is looking for someone, anyone, to shag to make himself feel better because his ex screwed him over.

That's not really the case. There are girls I know that fancy me, that have "tried it on" with me in the last while, but I wasn't interested because I didn't fancy them. So I'm not looking for anyone. Back in the day I used to meet all sorts and have fun, that's what I'm missing.

I've never been the most confident and sure of myself but I've always been concerned about the pleasure and needs of women I've been with. Not all men are alpha male lotharios but after all the drama I had last year I'd like to enjoy myself again is all. It's easy for you as a woman to say to go out and talk to girls and pick up etc but it's a lot harder for men than it is for women, no matter what you look like.

ash23

mynamegoeshere wrote: »

It's easy for you as a woman to say to go out and talk to girls and pick up etc but it's a lot harder for men than it is for women, no matter what you look like.

It's easy for a women to get bad sex with some random guy in a club I'll grant you that. But again my point is, that's not what a woman wants. It's a lot harder to find a guy who is charming, not creepy, seems reasonably normal and like someone you would be happy to go home with fairly certain you won't end up buried in a woods somewhere. Someone who will not haunt you for months afterwards or will not turn into a complete bast@rd the second he ejaculates.
It's far from "easy" for a girl to avoid all those things.

You basically have to convince a girl that you are sound, safe, clean and charismatic. It's not just about looks. And there is obviously something about your approach which is off putting. But only you can know what that is.