Really confused

LegacyUser

Ok, I'm going unregistered for this.
This is a long story, so apologies in advance.
I am female and have been involved in who I thought was the most fantastic man for the past few years. I loved everything about him. He had a lot of baggage which made things difficult at times but I always thought he was worth the effort and all the hard work.
I loved/love him so much, and would have done anything for him.
I considered him to be my forever ever.
He just told me he has been involved in a sexual relationship with another man for the past 6 months. I have no idea how I am supposed to feel about this - heartbroken yes, upset, sad, but what makes me feel so much worse is that he lied to me, for months. I thought I knew him so well, but now I feel the person I knew never really existed.
Is it normal to wake up one morning and suddenly be attracted to men and not women? I would never have even considered him to be confused or unsure about his sexuality. We would always have had a very active and fulfilling sex life.

Miss Fluff

So...something wrote: »

Is it normal to wake up one morning and suddenly be attracted to men and not women?

No, this doesn't happen "suddenly" as you put it. A lot of people choose to repress their sexuality although thankfully the incidences of this happening are not as common now that society is more accepting of people's sexual preferences (thank feck) but most people have an idea of what and whom they are attracted to.

Is your main cause of hurt the fact that your partner is bi or gay or is it the fact that he has cheated on you? How did it all come out about this other man? Is he looking for forgiveness or has he decided to leave you? You're head must be wrecked you poor thing.

MariMel

Ive been in a somewhat similar situation to you when I found out the man I was meant to be marrying was cheating on me. In his case, with both men and women. He too had a lot of baggage and our entire relationship i bent over backwards to make things easier for him. It was one hell of a kick in the teeth to find out he was being unfaithful.
This was for me the hardest thing to deal with, not that he was sleeping with men. Then I probably would have just thought, poor guy, hiding his sexuality, must have been hard for him.
But no.....noone wakes up one morning and decides they are gay or bisexual.
He could have had fantasies about what it would be like to be with someone of the same sex....gone there...tried some of it.....but not for 6 months. Lots of people have same sex fantasies but when it comes down to it, they would have no desire to actually act on it.
Poor you.....its hard enough to cope with someone being unfaithful. You must be hurting something terrible right now. You need to look after yourself in all this. No matter how much you love this guy you need to put yourself first.

LegacyUser

The fact that he is seeing someone hurt, so much. But what hurts even more is how much he lied to me. I had complete trust in this man, was so sure that I knew him so well. But he is not the person I feel in love with and not the person I thought I knew because that person would not have done the lies and deceit.
I have no idea how I am supposed to process and deal with this. I am so upset and hurt. I know I will never again be able to trust my judgement about people.